William Stixrud
speaker
322 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2019
last heard Jul 2021
William Stixrud’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I mean, i if if you got a baby who's who's who's upset, it's a lot easier to sue the baby if you stay calm.
If you got a three you got a third grader who comes home and was the only kid in her friend group who didn't get invited to a birthday party, it's easier to really be helpful if you don't get upset too.
And so just in in terms of being able to communicate to kids that we love them, we accept them as they are, that they that we can handle their feelings, that that working on our own anxiety and and and lowering our own stress level is really just it's just adaptive.
Um, you know, Ned sees a lot of kids who who say, God, I can't tell, I just gotta see and a test, I can't tell my parents.
And the parents are more upset than the kid is.
And and we think that if if we really want to be wise, responsive parents, that we we we can't be flipping out and and and and getting angry and overreacting to things.
We want to model th that it's not that we can't have we can't get angry at times.
It's it's just it's just that we wanna move in that direction.
of being a non-anxious presence.
We talk about um the the studies of of rats, where rats have high licking and grooming mothers, where very very affectionate and then low stress mothers.
And even if you would if you'd foster rats from low-licking and grooming high breast mothers to these l high licking and grooming, they turned out to be basically California laid-back rats that that nurturing that warmth.
I mean, when is there a time when we don't re when we don't benefit from warmth and responsiveness?
And I'll I'll I'll just add that w we didn't we didn't really understand why being a consultant to your kid that we talk about in the substitute and child was so hard un until we started lecturing about the book.
We realized it it's it's really because if your kid's doing something, you decide not to j jump in and fix it, you have to sit on your hands and zip your lip.
And there's nothing more stressful in this universe than experience that low sense of control.
And we think in the second book, we we try to address that this idea that simply that that trying to be helpful to your kid and not, as Ned said, not just uh put on a cape and solve their problems, we have to sit on our hands and we have to zip on our lap.
And that's stressful because it feels like we're doing nothing.
So what we try to give parents in the book is language that they can use to talk to themselves in part to manage that stress of not doing where it feels like you're
Mm-hmm.
Just i just be being in the same room, uh the baby's stress hormones go up.
Showing 21–40 of 322 · page 2 of 17
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