Zerky

Maybe these things are not easy.

And maybe going through a rut isn't a sign of you're weak and you're a loser and you're pathetic because that's kind of how I view it is that like get your stuff together.

You need to stop being like pathetic honestly and just go and do it.

But it could also be a sign of you're not doing it right.

You're not taking care of yourself in the right way.

You're expecting yourself to wake up at 8 a.m.

so you can go grind and you go to bed at 2 a.m.

You're getting six hours of sleep.

You are expecting other people to feel bad for you when you don't even reach out or, you know, you're expecting other people to support you and you don't reach out.

You're getting upset at yourself for not getting your hair cut and having, you know,

having a lion's mane on your on your head but you don't even know what kind of haircut you want you don't even know and you haven't even given yourself the the permission to look at these things because you think it's it's taking away time from something that's more important and the thing that is you know in your mind more important it doesn't even matter because you're procrastinating it away

So going through a rut is, it's a complicated relationship I have with it.

Because it reminds me, it makes me think that I will always be just like a loser and I'll always be pathetic.

And that I'll always, in times of hardship, look back at who I am and be like, wow, you're never going to change.

As much as you want to preach about it, as much as you want to talk about it, people don't change and you don't change because you're a loser.

This is an internal mental struggle I've had for, I think, my entire life.

And I think it really started when I was a teenager.

You know, I just... Maybe part of it is I wanted to be, like, special in some kind of way.

And so I knew I needed to humble myself, but you can humble yourself by still being your own fan.

You can still humble yourself and keep yourself in line without just being a complete jackass and making it seem like any kind of change, any kind of hardship,