Chapter 1: What events are highlighted for May in the podcast?
Trendsetters, the month of May is massive for the ABC with plenty of good stuff to look forward to. The hoodies and beanies go on sale Tuesday the 19th, 6pm. Alphablokes.com.au, limited stock. The NT Vlogs will be hitting the Patreon flats throughout this month. And last but not least, Alphafest, the mateship muster. Sandstone Point, May 30th. You don't want to miss that one.
And before we get to Yarnin', as always, we've got some legends to thank. Better beer. God's nectar, they call it. Drop into any decent bottle shop and stock up. CTC, you already know, they're the best hats in the land, so make sure you get on today and cop one. SB Tools, for all your tinkering needs. Papa Macro's, the proof is in the pudding.
I'm now medium shitty, and it's all thanks to Papa Macro's. Port West, workwear that is built to last, just like this community. And Ned's, the only bookie that we have a punt with here at Alpha Blokes. Stay Nedley.
I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.
The double champ does what the fuck he wants. I need a shit, man. Die, boy.
Sneaky little rascal. Safety first. Stay focused. Keep pinging the cut.
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Chapter 2: What products and services are being promoted?
Welcome back to Trendsetter Thursday. Alpha Blokes podcast here. Fuck yeah, let's go. Over to you, Tom. Thanks, big shit and squirt and turd and fartin'. We're here to give the everyday battler a voice and delete head noise one laugh at a time. Trendsetter, turn! That's what they call it. That's what I've heard. That's what I've heard them call it. And, yeah, brought to you by Better Beer.
Jogging a can, win the tin. The athlete's choice. You can even get it class in a glass if you want. Yep. If you want to have a stubby, you can do that. Got a big range. Go check it out. Look, talking about a big range. Do you know who else has a big range? Who? Country Trucker Caps. Oh, man. And you can find it at thecountrycompanies.com. That's where they are. That's where you can find them.
And to design your very own, they've got a smick little thing there on countrytruckercaps.com for anything you want to do. And use the code word ALPHABLOCKS for a discount. You'd be mad if you didn't. Well. If you're going to buy one anyway, use that. Yeah, then you'll get it cheaper. Exactly. And that's what we're all about here.
And Knuckle loves helping out the community because that's what he does. Yeah, he's not a bad fella, right? Yeah. Let's hear from him. Let's do it.
Strap in, it's time again for Knuckle's Puppetry Yard.
Legends. Just Knuckles here calling up his proper true yarn of the week. Guess what week it is? It's fucking Magic Round, boys. Ha, ha, ha. The bend and send. Let's fucking go. Lions Thursday night. Us going to whop the fucking Geelong straight into. Let's have a bit of a fucking Larry Ender. Oh, I can't wait. Trendsetters will be fucking peeling Caxton Street. She's already fucking set up.
I'm that keen. Johnny Ringo's both nights. Us riding bulls, getting amongst the flats. It's happening. It's my favorite time of the year. It's magic round. So you get to have a proper bender. Yes, let's go. Anyway, yeah, back on that front, mate. I just also want to say fucking super proud of you, Tommy.
You had that fucking photo come up, mate, the other day of, yeah, of fucking looking a bit bigger than what you were, mate. And, yeah, I just want to reach out and say fucking proud of you, mate. Fucking knocked the weight off.
for the Potty Royale first one, and then you just fucking continue to maintain it, mate, so, super proud, mate, and I think, I think, boys, if you got other mates in that that you're proud of as well, you know, just for doing stuff, just let them know, because it's just, it's the thing, fucking proud of you too, Pooh, you're fucking getting there too, brother, you're knocking it off, and yeah, going hard, just chip it away, so, and one more thing, I'll just leave it, boys, a lot of Asians, like, really good at maths,
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Chapter 3: What is the significance of the upcoming Magic Round?
Yeah, and then he gets another one. Like it resets every now and again. Yeah. But he can't get distracted by the cars on Caxton because it's all blocked off. Now, Curious, did you find yourself a set of headphones? Oh, he's even got headphones. Proud of him.
He's learning.
He's learning the travelling game. He is, yeah. Because if he doesn't have the headphones, he'll be tapping on me, saying, Hey, Pooh, you want to talk about some cars? He's a quick learner too, curious. Yeah. He's fucking ripping in. Well, since he's been here, mate. Yeah. What do you reckon the coolest thing is that he's learnt? I don't know.
He fucking chews on your ankles when he's finished his job you give him, though. Yeah. He's fucking off tap, the bloke.
Yeah. Which is great to see.
Maybe Quinn's not his dad after all. Jeez, Quinn, you've just fucking copped the side. Sorry, sorry. Now, you know what I like most about you, Quinn? Tell me, Adam. Is you take that pretty well, right? Some other people, not naming any names, some other people would want instant revenge on that. But you're a good sport. Well, he's smart in how he plays because he's currently editing a vlog.
And, like, he's just soaked in that information, and I can guarantee you there'll be one crack at Big Shitty this Sunday if you tune in to part two of Finnish River. Don't you think I already knew that? That's why I was mean to him. Yeah, well, I'm just saying. It was already in there. I'm just saying there's two styles.
There's an upfront and abrupt and loud version, and then there's sneaky queefter who just throws his jabs, you know, when the time's perfect. Chestnut checkers, boys. Well, that's what they reckon, Quinn. That's what I've heard. But you need to stop saying that. You're a big checkers guy, though.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts reflect on personal achievements and experiences?
Well, yeah. Well, I mean, you know. Yeah, definitely. If he shares your checkers, that's all I'm saying. Yeah, well, he needs to come up with a better one because he's Dungeons and Dragons, Joe. I've never played a game of D&D in my life. You have. Don't lie. He even knows the nickname for it. I'm serious. I never have, ever. What the fuck is it, by the way? What is Dungeons & Dragons?
I've heard it.
So there is an actual Dungeons & Dragons.
No, I'm aware.
It's a board game, but it's a very unique board game. I didn't realise it was an actual thing. Oh, didn't you? No. I've heard of Dungeons & Dragons. Let's learn together, because I don't know the full fucking X-Line. Cooperative tabletop role-playing game where players create characters embark on adventures in fantasy worlds filled with magic and monsters.
One player acts as the dungeon master to narrate the story while other role-play characters using dice and imagination to determine the success of their actions.
I could see Quinn doing that. I could not get around that. In like one of them leather harnesses that they have for that cosplay. No, that's not for D&D, mate. Fart trap and shit sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Comes, seeps out of your neck. Fucking zip. Okay, well, that's Dungeons & Dragons. Look, run your own race. If you're a D&D guy, I'm not going to hold it against you.
Am I interested in playing? Absolutely not. Let's get into some yarns. They're probably thinking, shut the fuck up, guys. I don't want to hear your yarns. I want to hear... Our yarns. And that's what today's all about. Trendsetter Thursday. You ring your yarns in. If it's deadly, you'll win shit. It's pretty simple. Yeah. And it's got to be under two minutes. Yeah, it does.
Or else the gatekeeper from Dungeons and Dragons over here. Yeah, the D&D guy. Yeah, he won't fucking allow that shit through. No, mate. No, he won't. We're actually contemplating a little idea. You know, we said Curious is a fast learner. So Quino gets the yarns in right and he plays them for us. So he knows what's coming.
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Chapter 5: What happens when a drone follows someone?
And another young fella there had just bought a drone and he just put his drone up and he locked it onto this rolling tractor. It was just following it for a bit. Anyway, he calls me on the tour. He goes, someone's spying on me. And I said, what? And he said, there's a drone following me. I said, yeah, yeah. I said, that'd be the old boss. I said, he's a cunny.
He's away at a camp draft, but he'll get the neighbour to put the drone up to check on you. Anyway, we'd fuck with this backpacker like every night when he'd be sitting on the back deck having a smoke. This young fella, I'd say, put that fucking drone. And we'd just hover it there watching him while he'd have a smoke. And, man, he was getting paranoid.
Every time he'd do something or go somewhere, we'd pop this drone. And he never worked it out. So he... Thought for sure that that was his boss.
Chapter 6: How do pranksters mess with a backpacker?
Boss was spying on him. And just proper right in his face, like just checking on him and shit.
And you never told him.
Well, I was his boss, but my boss, he thought my boss was spying on him, you know. And we fucked with him. We even cornered him in the shed with it once. He's trying to throw shit at it. When we finally told him, he was proper fucking depressed, like office. Yeah, he would have been because he would have been thinking, I've been overthinking the fuck out of that for months.
But he was never in the debt, bro, 10 hours. That was all he could give me ever. Yeah. I think I'd been on this planner for like 20-something hours straight and I said, mate, so I know it's been 10 hours. I said, but can you please just jump on this planner for three hours so I can get some spraying done?
Yeah.
And he's like, oh, I'm pretty tired, eh?
I said, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck off, man, you're fucking.
You can imagine what I said. Yeah, yeah. I'm 26 hours deep or something. I can imagine. I can. Rain was coming, pressure was on, and I'm like, because I was planting and spraying, and because chickpea, it's fucking pain. I don't, fuck, fucking chickpea, fuck, make me nuts itchy, that shit. Make sure you wear your jocks around chickpea joes. And, yeah, fucking.
Well, has it got a high level of acidity, chickpea? Oh, it's just fucking the dust on it, man. It gets you itchy. Yeah. Itchy dust. Highly combustible, chickpea. Mm. Cunt of a crop. I've heard they said that. Well, that's good. Couple of fucking farming guns. That's backpackers and farming. Yep. Entertaining mix. Great mix.
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Chapter 7: What are the challenges faced in a threesome scenario?
It's MC here, the rough-headed roof tiler, calling in with another installment of the Adventures of MC and Muggs. They're going to take you back to the 90s. Mid-90s, in fact. Mobs and I were a pair of people-faced, prepubescent tearaways getting stuck into our work. My family have always been keen on camping holidays. This story involves Mobs tagging along.
A few days into our trip, we noticed the campsite next door to us had a couple of girls of a similar age.
Oh, yes.
Over the next few days, we get chatting with them, a little bit of flirting, all the rest of it, you know how it is. So it's the last Saturday night. Up until this point, Mobs and I We've had the best time of our life and think life couldn't get any better. Were we wrong? It was about 9pm at night, fuck all happening, and we hear some giggling girls' voices cruising through the campsite.
Moe's a cheeky rascal thinking it was the girls we'd been talking to who decided to shoot his shot. And whispers out the window, in a much deeper voice than I'd ever heard before, show us your tits. Or fuck me swinging. Turns out some of the mums from the group next door were on one that night.
One in particular was most obliging to Moe's request, flopping out the most glorious set of fun bags you'll ever see. I learnt two things that night. It's never too early to shoot your shot, and I'm definitely a tits man. So boys, tell me. Are you a tits or an arse man? You know the drill. Stay out of yourselves.
Oh, how's that? Mum just going, yeah, sure. Moves. Fucking half, with a bottle and a half of wine, straight out. Moves. So you need that friend. Yeah. With no shame like that friend. Yeah. I've been that guy before. And as long as you have a guy with you, so you'd probably be that friend. Jed was the friend. Yeah. And then, but see, you're there to be like, I'm so...
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Chapter 8: What unique health challenges arise from a medical condition?
If they show you the tits, then everyone's a winner.
You're a hero.
And if they blow up, you say, I'm so sorry about me friend. For fuck's sake, mate. He always does this. I've told him a million times. Yeah, exactly. It all works. You've got to have the right balance in a group of mates. And that's what we were saying the other day. You can't all be the same because it's all the five of you is going, charge the tits, and then you're a pack of grubs.
You're all fucked. Yeah, yeah.
Or if you don't have that rogue cunt, then you'll never see a set of tits. And you've got no one to blame when it all goes pear-shaped. Exactly. Yeah, that's smick. That's a good yarn. Mobs. Jeez, Mobs sounds like a bit of a weapon. Mobs, he's a guy. We need a call in from Mobs. Yeah, Mobs. I wonder if it's just his alter ego. Well, no, it wouldn't be. It wouldn't be. It'd be a real guy.
You can't have a labour and alter ego because you're doing everything. Exactly. You know, you need a hand rooftop.
oh jesus hey boys another threesome story for you so here we go back in the day me and my mate and his missus uh been talking up a three banger for a while and one night after a few drinks you get the wink and the nudge and we're on so off to the bedroom we go get down to business so me mate takes top half i take bottom half and we switch over at halftime we're there getting stuck straight into our business so and uh afterwards
We finish up. She leaves us alone for a bit of a chat and a bit of a reminisce of what's just gone down.
I sort of turned to him and I said at one stage, I said, one stage during this session, mate, I had your ball bag tapping away on my forehead.
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