Show notes
Pain or Pleasure - You Decide I'd Choose Pleasure Over Pain any day :O) Let's start with a question: why does your mind so often seem to focus on pain? Those nagging worries, that endless loop of "what ifs"—sound familiar? It's like your unconscious mind has one job: to keep you safe. But sometimes, it gets a bit too cautious and pulls you into a cycle of discomfort or fear. In this unplugged episode, we explore how to break free from that pattern. What if, instead of pain, you could choose pleasure? Yes, really. By shifting your focus, getting curious, and asking the right questions, you can guide your mind to a place of joy, safety, and comfort—and it's simpler than you think. Here's what we'll uncover together: Understanding Pain's Purpose: Why your mind brings up pain and how to address it without getting stuck there. Moving Toward Pleasure: Spot those moments of joy and learn how to stretch them out into something truly fulfilling. Curiosity as a State-Changer: Flip the script on pain by using curiosity to shift your perspective and emotional state. The Power of Questions: Discover how the questions you ask yourself can change everything. Working with Your Unconscious Mind: Build a partnership with your inner mind to find solutions that feel good and keep you safe. Pain might be your mind's default setting, but you don't have to stay there. You can choose to move toward pleasure—little by little, moment by moment—and transform how you experience life. So, are you ready to ditch the pain and wallow in pleasure for a change? It's easier than you think, and trust me, it's so worth it. Enjoy the episode, and if it hits home, please share it with someone who could use a little more pleasure in their life too! https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/424-pain-or-pleasure-you-decide/ Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism Paul Clough says you have the choice to feel pain or pleasure So you have the choice to either feel pain or pleasure. Really? Yeah, you have the choice, you can decide but you have to put effort into it sometimes. Which is a bit of a blow, I know, but hey, to feel more pleasure in your life, wouldn't that be wonderful? Have a listen. This is Personal Development Unplugged, with Paul Clough. In simplicity there is genius. In simplicity there is genius. Pleasure is like feeling safe, right? When you're enjoying it Got a question for you. Have you ever. Will not. Have you ever. Have you noticed you very rarely notice when you're having a good time, in the good time and you 're enjoying life, just enjoying it. you may be with friends or you're just doing something which just makes you feel so good. The pictures make in your mind are just natural. You can hear things and you see things and everything is just rosy. The thing is, because you're in the moment m you don't really comment to yourself or this is a really good time. It's like a comment after the event, isn't it? Because when you're just enjoying, you're just enjoying. When you're in pleasure, as it were, you're just enjoying the pleasure. You're not commenting to yourself how pleasurable it is, you're just in it. But then pain, you seem to recognise that straight away, don't we, when we're in pain. And when we're in pain, emotional pain, I guess we notice it, we think about it continuously. We make up bonky bloody questions and we get to those later. But the thing is we make those pictures in our head. We see disaster, we relive it, it's a loop. And the feelings are there and we know and we recognize pain in the moment. We know it's there. It's also like feeling safe. I think not that pleasure, is like feeling safe. No one really notices. I think when they are safe in the world you think of do you know what? I'm doing this thing and this is really safe. I'm safe. Your unconscious mind has kept you safe. It's using all its skills, all your skills, all the resources, positive beliefs, wonderful behaviours, superb emotions and creating a wonderful experience for you caus you're safe. But it doesn't have to be, you know, totally pleasurable. You could be just sitting down reading, but when you're just sitting down reading or having a couple of coffee, you don't think to yourself, you know what? This is a safe place to be to you because you just are, you're in the moment just like that pleasure. But that's the Opposite bit like that pain. When you don't feel safe, boom. You bloody know, don't you? You get that anxiety, you've got fear, you've got, I don't know, the shakes you've got again the pictures in your mind, the worst that could happen. It's a loop. And sometimes that loop goes on for a long time. It goes in and out sometimes because something distracts you. But boom, as soon as you're again by yourself may be or you suddenly think of what you might have to do and then that ah, feeling of anxiety, fear. And you don't feel safe in the world, do you? Again because it's in the present, in the moment. But it's in the moment in a different way. Because it's a negative feeling. It's a negative feeling. And those negative feelings are there for a reason, aren't they? Let's have a little look at the. Why. Why is this happening? Why is that? If that's a sentence. When you're enjoying being you, you're safe, aren't you? And your unconscious mind doesn't have to worry you're not going toa be, be eaten by a saber toothed tiger. Even that was, you know, you haven't got to hunt for food and suddenly get killed. Those days are gone. You can go to this corner shop, you can go to the supermarket, you can go anywhere, take away it's there. You can just enjoy having pleasure and you can be safe in this little old world of ours. And that's a choice by the way. Your unconscious mind can make you feel unsafe by making you curious We're going to talk about choices because you effectively have chosen to feel this good, to do the things that make you feel good, make you feel safe. And safety is obviously it stretches. I guess some people can feel safe doing things where you wouldn't feel safe, but for them it's safety. But the thing is sometimes, sometimes to keep you safe you need maybe a little bit of uncertainty. Like that saber toothed tiger isn't there. But something might come and upset this pleasure. Not quite certain. And to make sure that you are aware of what you can do or might need to do to access the resources to fight flight fear, you fight flight and freeze cluy. Come and get it together. Your unconscious mind can begin to make you feel a little unsafe because when you do that you're a little bit scared. Your unconscious mind scares you to be aware. You see there's a positive intention for all of this. For you to be aware, to keep on your guard. But then sometimes we get to that thing where we start picturing in our mind, I guess, the very worst that could happen. We see it clearly, sometimes even too clearly, more vivid than it should be. It's normally bigger. The pictures in your mind get bigger and bigger to make you aware of what could happen. Smells and the taste. Every sense is buzzing and you get that feeling. And then we ask that bonky question until we get to there. What's the worst that can happen? How bad could it be? Why me? Why is this always those questions, why me? Your unconscious mind goes, well, if that's a question you want to ask, I'll find you in answer. And it goes through all your past and finds random, out of context memories to say, look, there we are, that's why. And it sort of puts them together and you go, yeah, so what's the worst that could happen? And then you start to imagine bigger, brighter, more intense pictures in your mind. That gives you more intense feelings. All as a sense of protection. Does it feel safe? Of course it doesn't. You see, we know physical pain is a warning. It's a warning not to do something to give you protection, to heal. We know that. You know, be wary, this bruise is pain. Therefore don't keep, keep touching it, don't knock it, keep it safe. And this emotional pain is to remind you of the stuff you haven't, dealt with. You know, that sadness, anxiety, guilt, grief. You fill in the blank. And we've talked about this on, the previous podcast, pain and Pleasure. You see, that's great. If you didn't feel so bad. Your unconscious mind protecting you, protecting you in a way to keep you safe by making you feel the most unsafe right now, to make you feel so aware that you can freeze, so aware that you're overwhelmed, have those feelings so intense that you don't know what to do. And that's where the conflict comes in. It's a direct conflict. Your unconscious mind trying to keep you safe by making you feel unsafe. So what we have to do is choose. Yeah, you get to chooses. Told you. You choose pleasure, but you also choose the way you can feel unsafe or choose the way that you can be safe. How do you do that? Well, you choose with your unconscious mind. And one way to do that is to get curious. Because if you're in that state of feeling unsafe, feeling anxiety, feeling panic, feeling fear, then if you're in that state, you're not going to solve the problem because you're in the problem. You can't solve the problem from being inside the problem, you need to get outside the problem. So to get out of that issue, that problem, that feeling change states, how do you do that? Get curious. It's not a big jump. You see, curiosity is not a big jump. I'm not asking you to feel super strong, super confident. It's too big a jump. But if you could just be curious. And what does curious do? Gets you to see things differently, doesn't it? Because you're interested. I'm curious to find out. And you'll see things differently. And when you look at things differently, the things you look at are, different. And when you do that, you feel different because you're exploring. And that's all we're gonna do. And that curiosity will bring a question like, what if? Ask your unconscious mind what would be a better way to make amends So if we give a little bit of thanks before we get into this. So we're curious, but before I'm just thankful for my unconscious mind. You're doing the best you can, but it's not working. I have a little chat with our unconscious mind. Thank you for doing what you're doing, trying to keep me safe. But what you're doing is not working because I don't feel safe at all. In fact, I'm bricking myself. So when you're curious, you'd ask questions like, what if. What if there was a better way, maybe a better way to feel a little bit more confident in myself? Competence. Remember my competence, my skills, I've got. What if there's a better way to feel comfortable? You see, when you're feeling comfortable, that would be if you're suffering from anxiety, what would be a better way to make amends? That would be a lovely question for guilt, wouldn't it? Sometimes you can stress so much that you need to make amends, but that person's gone. But you can make amends by remembering not to do again. What can I learn from what I did so I can make amends? By making a difference in the world. I've learned from that event, and now I'm stronger and better for it. What if there's a better way to remember? Maybe remember. People remember things in a good way, in a way that feels thankful. It's grief, isn't it? What a better way to feel grief than feeling sad. And sad doesn't really express grief, does it? But you know what I mean. But what if you could just remember, Remember the positive things, remember the good things about someone who'maybe past. Isn't that a better way to grieve, to feel comfortable in the way you Remember people, that's the way they would like you you to remember them, wouldn't they? Now you fill in the blank. If there's something else, just think of the question, wouldn't there be a better way to. Because it's really just the way you want to feel. Because if you're feeling a little bit more comfortable or a little way, a little better about making amends, learning a better way to remember, you're asking really positive questions. Now, what I say to people isage of my clients is when you're asking these type of questions, listen with all your senses, because you might think you know the answers, but just listen, be unedited. Do not edit the answers because it might be a little memory comes to mind. Could be a word I say on tip of your tongue or a feeling, and you have to then get more curious, well, what does it mean? What are you trying to tell me? But write it down. You know, I always go on about writing things down you write down just what comes to mind. You know, if you really want to get to it, just go back to when you used to feel a little, a little bit anxious, when you used to feel a little bit of guilt or maybe a little bit of grief, or you fill in the blank and just feel it because you're feeling it anyway. So we're not actually going back into the trauma, but I just want you to feel it a little bit to tell your unconscious mind, this is what I'm working on. What would be a better way to keep me safe from X, Y, Z? And if you come up with an answer, maybe consciously you think, well, do you know what? I'd really like to feel this. I'd like to feel more comfortable. Because when I feeling comfortable, I can deal with things that, are causing me stress or anxiety and actually say to your unconscious one, wouldn't this be a better way to keep me safe? And you know it bloody is. So you're coming up with some solutions all by being curious. What do you think consciously would be a better way to deal with this? As opposed to worrying or being sad or feeling guilty or you fill in the blank. You know what it is. Just think about it. What might be a better way? What could you learn? Maybe what can to learn from this? And ask your unconscious mind, what can you learn from the paths that will allow this to disappear, the learning of which would always be with me, consciously and unconsciously. Now you might be thinking, this is too simple. Yeah, it is simple. Not too simple. It is simple. It takes work. It takes effort, but it's so effective and it's certainly so much better than staying in those negative emotions. You know what positive belief would support me to get through this, to learn. And it would d be things like I'm okay, I've got this, I'm strong enough, I can do this. So that's what I think. Obviously you've got that one to one therapy. If you haven't, if things are getting too much and your anxiety, your fear, your guilt and all that stuff, it's just too much to handle with these questions. But even just thinking about them will help ease, will help ease the pain. And you can then you're choosing, you're choosing to look for a better way. And when you choose to look for a better way, guess what happens? You find a better way. It's like that process. If you're thinking about how bad it could be, what happens is your unconscious mind goes away and finds all the answers to you whether they're right or wrong. It finds answers that sort of fits, fits a hole. The round peg in a square hole sort of fits. You bag it hard enough. But if you're asking questions how you could be different, your unconscious mind will go and find a way to be different. If you look for, ask for a better way, it will go, okay, let's find a better way. What we've got to say Heln this isn't what you're doing for me is great, but it's not. Well it's great that you're doing it for me, but it's not working anymore because I feel the pain and I choose not to feel the pain anymore. And to do that I want to find a better way. What is a better way? And I know I keep banging it on now, but it is so simple and in simplicity we know there is genius. And you'll find a way. But if you don't, you're going to eat Ma am I I say that a bit more clearly. Cly come on. And if you don't and you will by the way but if there's something you need is a little bit extra, you can email me [email protected] do say at the end of every episode I'm always at the end of an email. It be fun to just find new ways to create a better life for everyone. It is fun. And I can become curious and maybe look at my own past and find ways that maybe I have solved those problems or I can then go and think, well, how would I solve them? What would be a better way? Cause sometimes when you're looking, as I say looking in, you see the world differently. And that's where I want you to come. I want you to come out of the pain. Choose to come out of the pain and ask better questions. And by the way, when you're in pleasure, by the way, sometimes just stop for a second and go, do you know what? This is brilliant. Paul Clough: Choose to wallow in pleasure consciously and unconsciously I wonder how I could use these feelings in the future. And have fun, have pleasure, because I choose to have more pleasure in my life. In fact, choose to have more pleasure than you can stand. Choose to wallow in pleasure. Because these are all choices consciously, and unconsciously. But guide with your conscious mind. Your conscious mind is a goal setter. And we often think of goal sett as being goals, as in things that you're striving to do. These are goals that you're striving to feel, to be. And your unconscious mind is the goal getter. So ask good questions. Would it be like to feel that joy that I felt yesterday, today, again? But even better, what would it be like to feel safe and feel comfortable? Because I like feeling comfortable. Because if I'm comfortable, I'm bloody safe. I know that. And when I'm feeling comfortable, I can access all the emotions I ever want. I can just let go and enjoy. So you can ask a question when you wake up in the morning when you've got this thing to do. What would be like to feel so comfortable in when I do X yz and then let it go? Because your unconscious mind will then go and find the answers for you and you'll feel comfortable. It works, by the way. It just works. Hope you enjoyed that. Don't think it's the longest episode, but doesn't matter, does it? I'm sure there's a few golden nuggets there that you can say pick up and run with. So have more pleasure than you can stand and ask wonderful questions by being curious. Enjoy and fly. Warning, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]