Show notes
Letting Yourself Down: Thinking of Others – DON'T Do you put everyone else first? Always there for family, friends, even the ones who don't always treat you right? That's an incredible value to have — being dependable, supportive, and accountable. But here's the truth: when you constantly put others before yourself, you're letting yourself down. And when you let yourself down, you let everyone down. In this episode, I'll guide you through a simple but powerful exercise to uncover your core life values — the foundation of who you are. Once you know your top three, you'll understand how to live in alignment with them, stay true to yourself, and actually be a stronger support for those you care about. This isn't about being selfish. It's about knowing who you are, standing on that rock-solid foundation, and being accountable to you. From there, everything else — your goals, dreams, relationships — falls into place. Listen in and find out: Why putting others first can actually let them down. How to discover your top three life values. How living by those values makes you the best version of you. Why accountability starts with yourself — or it doesn't work at all. It's time to stop letting yourself down. Build your foundation. Live your values. And only then, lift up others. Let's share this with others https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/460-letting-yourself-down-thinking-of-others-dont And there is a video of this too https://youtu.be/yRgclkZ-GgA Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, , Music by freegroove pixabay seduction-jazz-112149 from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal Pixaby ventura-117073 from Pixabay, And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #460 Letting Yourself Down - Thinking Of Others -DON'T So, what's this longer episode going to be about? Well, I don't think it's going to be about that long, but it is important. And you know, well I think I know you, you're the type of person who won't let their mates down. You'd probably do anything, anything, rather than let somebody down, because that's the type of person you are. I think we've all done it, but I know you do it. You've rushed around, you've changed things, you know, you even made a few sacrifices probably and made a point that you could be counted on. You see, I think it's really good that you have that value, that you could be supportive and you're countable, you can be counted on. That's a great value to have. I want you to just remember those times now, if you just think about it now, remembering those times when you have looked to just help others, you know, you're not going to let them down. It could be that you want to make sure that you can be dependable or depended on. You infuse, you help motivate by being there. Remember it? Remember those times? I know there's more than one, so, you know, just have a think back for the moment right now, while I'm speaking of times in the past where you've busted a gut to make sure that you've supported other people. Yeah? Because we've all done it, but I know you have, you know, maybe your best friend. No, not that one, it's the other best friend, the other best friend out there. You know, if they asked you to do something, they needed help, they needed support, you'd be there, wouldn't you? You'd be there, like a bloody rat up a drain pipe. Not a nice term, but you would, wouldn't you? You'd be there. A family member, you'd be there. Even the one that you don't sometimes like. Sometimes we have families that don't suddenly gel, and even that one, if push came to shove, you'd be there. Absolutely, you'd be there, because you could be counted on. And it's a little bit like taking that one little step further, you know, we call it like a gym buddy, or a diving buddy, someone you can count on, someone who's always there. And with a gym buddy, you're also accountable to them in the way that you have to turn up, you do your bit for them while they're there. And it's like a mutual accountability, but it's all about accountability to that person. Being that safe pair of hands, dependable. It's nice, isn't it? Nice to think that you do that, and I'm pleased that you do it. It's all such an excellent thing to do. So what are you going to say next, Cloughie? Because I know there's a but coming, and it's not a but, but it is an a, yeah, it's a but. But the thing is, these are all outside things. They're being dependable to people outside you. They're in your environment, your external environment. What about the team of one? Or if you've changed that one to the team of I, how many times have you put others in front of yourself, over yourselves? And you see, that's the most selfish, I can't even say the bloody word, selfish thing that you can do. No, Cloughie, you can't. How can you be so selfish if I'm doing this for other people? Because you're not looking after yourself first. You look after yourself first, you are healthy, you're happy. You've really got yourself, you know, you've got your shit together. And they get to be around you when you've got your shit together. Who would you rather be around? Someone who's got their shit together, or someone who hasn't? Yeah, they could be trying, and you go, they try so much, but they really need help themselves. And that's what I want you to do. I want you to do that external stuff. Because it's that selfless service, being accountable to other people in that way. You're really being accountable to yourself, because you're living to that value of helping others. But I want you to think. I want you to think of yourself a little bit. And I want you to think of your values. And you can say, yeah, Cloughie, Cloughie, we've talked about values. The values of why is work important to me? Why is relationships important to me? And we've done all of that. Yeah. Why is work out there? What's important to me about work out there? What's important about relationships or people out there? What's important about my family out there? Again, it's external values. I'm talking about the team of I, the team of one, you inside. What are your life values? What are the most important things to you? That you, that your identity? Do you know? Most people don't. Most people don't. I did mine a long time ago, and I still think about, should I, not should I change them, but have they changed? Or do they still feel, or do they still feel strong? Do they still feel me? And they do. Mine are being truthful. That's number three. Being loyal. That's number two. And being totally trustworthy. That's number one. And there's love in there as well, but they're the three that I, I want to be able to count on myself to live a life with those values. Because if I live a life with those values, when I share them with other people by actions, my behaviours, my accountability, it's going to come through stronger than ever. When people know that they can trust you, and they're, you're loyal. You know, you're truthful. So what are yours? Do you know your top three? How'd you do it? Just as we did it before. But just think now, what's really important to me in life? What's really important? And just get a piece of paper. Throw them down on a piece of paper. Ask again. What else? What else is important to me? And write that down. What else is important to me in my life? Get at least seven. Maybe ten. And we're not going to use them all. We're not going to use them all, but it's good to have. But you see what tends to happen is, the first two or three that come to mind are the ones which are up there, up in the front. They're the more conscious. But as you start to empty the, whatever you're emptying, because you're emptying something outside you, or inside you, out onto the piece of paper, you start to get more unconscious, more unconscious values that you maybe were aware of, but you're not, or you weren't quite. And when you get them, you just go, do you know what? If I could only have one of these, which would be the most important one to me. And just look at that paper, and notice how it just jumps out, out of the page at you. Write that down on a separate piece of paper. Cross it off of the other list. And then go, well, how are those others? Maybe those other nine. What's the most important one? If I could only have one of those nine remaining things that are important to me, what is the most strongest, most valuable one to me? And when it jumps out of the page, you know the one, you know the bloody one. Write it on that separate piece of paper, and then do it one more time. Just look, you've crossed out the two, you're looking at the remaining eight or so, and you go, what is the most important thing left for me in that page? And then, obviously, you write it on that other piece of paper. Now you've got the three, the three. And let's look to see, as you say, well, these are my values, my identity. Do they support me? Because if they don't, we might have to do some value work. But generally, they support you. You look at them and go, do you know what they are? They're rock. They're my rock. And if I could strive to live just by those three values alone, the rest will fall into place anyway. They'll come along. But if I could strive to live my life with those top three values in it, I'd be following my path. I'd be striving to be the best version of myself. But also, everyone could depend on me when I've got those three values, and I'm striving to live my values at my identity, and people get the benefit of it. And guess what? I'd feel even better and happy for it. I'd be feeling a bit more joy. And if I don't live to those values, I'd let myself down. And that ain't going to happen. Because if I let myself down, I would let everyone down. And that's not going to happen, because I know there's like that twin value. But I'm not going to let myself down, because I have inside me this thing that is just me. Cut that myself down. This is what makes me in the world. And if I'm not accountable to me, how can I be accountable to others? Doesn't work, does it? If I let myself down, I let everyone down. I can't let myself down and not let other people down, can I? Of course I can't. And it's really just understanding your values. Because when you understand them, you can make sure your goals, your dreams are fully intertwined and supported by those values. And you'll see how those values will create the success of that goal, success of that dream, the success of the outcome. So get to know. Get to know what's most important to you in life. Your life, what's most important. You've got the hierarchy, one, two and three. There's others, but mould yourself around that. Mould yourself. And notice how each of having those would support the different areas of your life. How you can then move through the rest of your life and enhance those particular values you have for those different contexts. That's the way it works. Keep them close. Keep them close. I used to have them on a piece of paper. Look at them regularly. I don't need to now because they are here. I know them. And if I know when I'm not performing my best, I think of my values. I go, aha. Not living up to those, am I? I've just let one of those slip a little bit or I'm not really pushing it. This is a foundation you see. It's a foundation of who you are, your identity. Now I said this wasn't the longest of the longer podcasts, but I think it's really important. It's when you know who you are and you can develop them by the way because then you start thinking, well, you know, maybe there's something I can improve even more. But you start from that foundation, a rock steady foundation that will support you. And then when you get to help others, you're even, you know, you're building upon those values. You're reinforcing them. It's like you can't love people if you don't love yourself. So you can't be accountable to others if you're not accountable to yourself. But you can't be accountable to yourself if you don't know who you really are. What is the mainstay of who you really are, your identity? Because when we understand our identity and how our beliefs and values just all fit together, boom, everything else comes together. You'd be able to use, well, you learn new skills because of those things. You'd be able to use those skills. The behaviours you have are rock solid and you do them everywhere. I think this is more of a thinking thing. I don't want to listen to it again, but just have a little think and go, do I know mine? And if I don't, let's just do this. It takes about five minutes. Just set yourself down and go, do you know what? I'm going to find out these bloody values. You'd be surprised how good they are, how strong they are. When you uncover them, because they're just inside, just a little way inside. And when you and your unconscious mind share this information together, whoo, you're buzzing. You're buzzing. Did I make sense? Did it make sense? Did I communicate it in a way that's got you to think a little bit? I hope so. I always hope these things. What's the point of doing it? But it's just important. It is important. It's important. What are my values? Support you. But I have to get that trust, honestly. And I'll just be there. Okay, that's it. This is a longer podcast, which isn't that long. Something to think about. It's like a longer muse, I guess. Enjoy, share with everyone you can and hit me up on the email, feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com if you want to. I'd love to hear from you. See what your thoughts are and if there's any help I can give you, I will. So until the next time, my friend, you go fly and have more fun than you can stand. Ta-ra. Your six steps to achieving supreme inner confidence. Who's this program for? This is for anyone who experiences anxiety, self-doubt and fear. But deep down, they know they have something within them just craving to be free. It's for people who want to achieve their ambitions, to achieve their dreams with total confidence and self-belief. So in the next five or so minutes, we're going to realize your lack of self-confidence is not the problem. It's by letting go of the fear that's holding you back and stopping that constant worrying what others think of you. We're going to let go of nagging fear of not being good enough and being found out. So you wake up and feel good about yourself and what that day holds. To be excited about the future and what that holds for you. Want to find the old you and then the real you. How to dream the dreams you want for yourself and have those dreams become real. So I promise to you, it is a step-by-step program to supreme inner confidence. But let's be honest, this is not magic. I don't promise to wave a magic wand and say, Hey, presto! Everything's changed. If you really want this, you're going to have to do some work to do whatever it takes. Hey, does this sound like you? Are you constantly in fear of not being in control? Do you overthink everything? Do you question everything and everybody? Do you wonder, will this ever end? And what if it doesn't? See, the real problem, you haven't taken the steps to deal with the true cause of all your issues. It's okay. You're about to discover them now. And once you take them, you're going to feel so excited to see the world and the opportunities in it. To have fun and laughter again. Joy and happiness. Wake up in the morning with a buzz of energy now that a heavy load has been lifted. To feel calm, content, empowered. To feel free. The real sense of freedom. Effortlessly to be in control again. And to simply be the real you. So who am I? I'm a masked hypnotist. Trainer of NLP and hypnotherapist. I help people to be who they really are and let go of all their insecurities and enjoy their life again. In fact, for the past 18 years plus, I've simply been helping clients to let go of their issues and get their real results. That's me, Paul Clough. Let's discover those six steps. There are six key steps you must take and make to let go of your anxiety and self-doubt fully, completely, while unleashing your untapped, undiscovered self-confidence. I'm going to walk you through all six steps. Step one. Don't fight it, but honor it. You see, this program is not a bandage or a plaster. They simply don't work. We need to understand what your own confidence and low self-esteem is doing for you. That's right. It's doing something positive for you. The mind shift. They're not the enemy. If you fight them, fight it. Push against it, the snowball just gets bigger and bigger. You know that. And if you fight it and push against it, it just spreads in other areas of your life. You know that. The mind shift. Work with your best friend. Your unconscious mind. You see, it's all about unconscious learning, not consciously learning. Because you see, you didn't learn to be this way consciously. So why would you try to solve it consciously? It rarely works and probably makes it even worse. So what does work and make things better? You see, it's all about learning at the unconscious level to truly understand what it will mean to you to be competent and confident in all areas of your life, to have your unconscious mind learn what it needs to, that once learned, will let go of all your negative feelings and debilitating and paralyzing self-talk. That was the old way. People used to have many sessions with little or no change. You'd be guided to lovely places and feel so relaxed now, but not later. They'd make you relive those past memories when things felt really uncomfortable and low. And they'd tell you to be confident this way, using these stories in their own generic way. That's not you, that's not yours. The secret, you see, you don't need someone telling you how to be or how long it will take. You just need the will to do whatever it takes to follow this program. Because we're going to unconsciously learn from the past and keep the intention of your unconscious mind to create an empowering and confident present. And then, with all of that, create the future you want. You see, together we're going to learn to change old beliefs. Together we're going to find new behaviors and new ways to feel confident. See, it's not my way of being confident, free, excited, happy, calm, content and joyful. It's your way. And together we're going to create a recipe in all your senses of how you want to be in all areas of your life. You see, take your time and feel comfortable. But time doesn't really have to take that long. Some people change in a second. How long have you got? I like to work really fast. And it doesn't have to be scary or uncomfortable. Why would you want to struggle and make it difficult? I like to work in an easy, simple and comfortable and lasting way. And let's make it easy and invest in you. See, invest in you with my help. Self-help books and hypnosis CDs are good, but not good enough. You'd better pray and spray if you're going that direction. There's no gain without pain, and that's BS. The pleasure that comes from being confident in being you is immeasurable. Because when you achieve success in your competence, confidence and high self-esteem, you're going to feel empowered. What else couldn't you do right now? You will never know how far the ripples of this change will go. Today I've promised you a step-by-step program to regain your supreme inner confidence. The secret, my secret, to unconsciously learn from the past and keep that intention, that unconscious intention. Create an empowering and confident present and then create the future. Each of these three steps has two specialized hypnosis processes and a video for each one, making the full six steps to your supreme inner confidence. But the final piece of the puzzle. You have a choice. Your responsibility. You can join me in this unique program. And let me guide you to rediscover your supreme inner confidence, high self-esteem and ultimately your freedom. So let's remind ourselves. Who's this for? If you've finally had enough, you're saying to yourself, I'm prepared to do and have whatever it takes. This feels right. And you see it's the right thing to do. It's finally time to take action and reclaim your confidence, your self-esteem and to be the real you. If that's you, hey, come and join me on this supreme inner confidence program. You have nothing to lose, but your low self-esteem and unconfidence. There's a 30 day money back guarantee. That's it. Come and join me. Paul Clough. We'll have fun and regain that supreme inner confidence. So that was a extract from my other website, paulcloughonline.com. And that's where you can purchase this program. And do remember, there's nothing to fear and there's nothing to lose. Only your unconfidence. OK, so have a look. Paulcloughonline.com. And if you put forward slash confidence, I think you go straight there. OK. See you there. Bye. Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]