Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Monica Maus.
Hi.
Hello, fun Maus. Today we have part two of quickly becoming our favorite prompt. Foreign object in butt. We've yet to hear one that's not fantastic.
They're so good. And this one, there was some...
There's some blood in one.
Blood. Blood warning. There's sadness.
Yeah, there's humiliation. There's like a tenderness to one of the stories. And then there's some hilarity, as you would expect.
There's no female president Barbies up the button. This one, thank goodness for once.
Right. But every other conceivable option is there. As you'll hear, please enjoy Foreign Objects in But Part Two.
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Chapter 2: How did the guest's nursing journey begin?
Anyone would be grumpy with a bike part up their ass, probably, yeah.
I kind of agree with him when he said, why would you ask me that? I didn't know what it was. In his patient history, it just said foreign object near cecum. And then he warms up and he basically starts telling me every time I go in the room a little bit more about this story. So he ordered a magic bullet online. Do you know what I'm talking about? To hold cocaine in? I'm like, what?
It's a vibrator. Oh, yeah. It was too small for him. What? So he decided to go to his bicycle, take the rubber handle off of it, and put the vibrator into it.
To give it some girth?
To fill it out? Right. So he takes it, puts it in the bike handle. It gets lost. Oh, my God. He has a bicycle because he cannot drive. He either uses his bicycle or public transportation. Well, the hospital was too far for the bicycle. He was so embarrassed that he decided to wait until the battery died. Oh! Oh!
What?
Wow. Hold on. Let's just comprehend.
Hold on. So it's going off inside. He lost control of it. So I hope he at least had some enjoyment. Me too.
That's what I'm like. I wondered if while he's panicked, every now and then he's like letting in little rays of pleasure. And how long does a battery last with a vibrator?
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Chapter 3: What unusual object was found in a patient's body?
Cause usually when you move around, it'll poke through. So we gently open it and I'm holding it open and he reaches in there and he's like, Oh, it's slippery. So I give him a clamp and he pulls it out and it's, A screwdriver. I was on the right track.
I was feeling mechanical. A flathead or a Phillips head?
So this was a specific headed screwdriver. Honestly, I went home and I told my husband, I'm trying to explain it. And he was like, oh, this is an industrial wear head. We couldn't see the plastic handle. And that's why we didn't know that it was a screwdriver because that didn't show up on x-ray. Unfortunately, this... man was unhoused.
So we figured he actually might be using the screwdriver to try and get into buildings to sleep in the wintertime and didn't want anyone to take it from him. So that was kind of our conclusion.
Oh my God. That's a big leap. That's a leap, Rachel.
You guys are medical geniuses, but this is a very bad detective theory. Ha ha. Because you're giving a lot of benefit of the doubt, I have to say. Also, there's a lot of places to hide a screwdriver before we go rectal.
Did you ask? I did not ask. The surgeon asked, but he was on meth.
You called the right person.
Okay.
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Chapter 4: What humorous incidents occurred during the medical case?
He's hemodynamically stable, but he's had a pair stuck in his rectum for eight hours.
A pair? Yeah.
A pear? The fruit? A fruit. The pear with the stem, you know, just a pear.
I get it. It's a little bit calling.
Oh, my God. Stop saying you get it.
I get it. You've been getting all of these. The pear is very inviting. Think about it.
Not for butts.
Sure, because it's a little narrower at the front.
Okay.
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Chapter 5: How did the medical team handle the foreign object situation?
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for what you do.
Yeah.
The things you're dealing with.
I know. And you just do it. You don't even blink.
Soldier on. It's really impressive. Thank you. Take care.
Nice meeting you. Another fun one in the books.
You know, I wonder if this prompt encourages people to do it or scares people away from doing it.
I don't want anyone to listen to this and try it and then they end up in the hospital.
Okay. I don't either.
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