Armchair Anonymous: Wedding II
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Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dak Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman.
Hello.
Today is Wedding Disasters Day. That was incubated in another episode where someone was arrested at their wedding.
That's right.
We thought this is probably ripe for some good stories. And it was. And it was ripe as fuck. Ripe AF. There's theft. There's allergies. There's too much semen. I mean, there's a lot.
Oh, I forgot.
Yeah, there's a lot happening on wedding nights. So please enjoy Wedding Disasters.
Hard times Come and go Good times Take them slow. My life. I had them both. But one thing. You gotta know. I'm gonna keep on shining.
Hello. Is this Kelsey?
It is. How are you?
Good. Are your t-shirts always that perfectly folded or did you straighten up before this?
I didn't straighten up before this. They're not always that perfect, but I keep it tidy.
Where are you?
I'm in upstate New York in Rochester.
Okay. So you had a challenging wedding?
Yes, I did.
You did. Okay.
So we got married in Charleston, South Carolina last October.
Okay.
Isle of Palms. That's where my dad stayed. We got married right downtown in Hampton Park.
It's so nice.
I was so excited. I had been planning to stay my entire life. I knew the vision that I wanted. I knew the color scheme. I was just so over the moon excited to plan this wedding.
Was it a destination wedding or were you living in Charleston?
Everyone was coming from out of town.
Okay. Okay.
So we have the rehearsal dinner the night before. It's at this like big bar patio. And that was going to roll right into a welcome party where everyone was invited. My fiance Trenton and I were like really looking forward to that. It was going to be crazy. kind of this more casual wedding before the wedding. We went like all out. We got a band and we'd open bar and we got food for everyone. So at the rehearsal, we ate around seven and then the welcome party started at eight. So everybody starts coming in and right at eight, I'm standing with my best friend Yavra and I'm like, Yavra, I feel a little funny. She was like, okay, well, it's like a little hot in here. It's like overwhelming. There's so many people.
Let's go out into the parking lot and get some fresh air. So I'm like, okay. We get out to the parking lot and I'm like, Yavra, do I look weird to you? And she's like, no, you look great. But immediately I had a pit in my stomach. I knew exactly what was happening. Oh, no. I sprint into the restaurant, into the bathroom, and look in the mirror. And I have this, like, dime-sized swelling in the corner of my right eye. And I'm just looking at it grow and grow and grow until my whole face within, like, seconds is swollen shut. Oh! Shellfish? Peanuts. I have like a severe peanut allergy. This restaurant swears up and down that they don't have any peanuts in house. They don't carry any peanut products, but this is the only thing I'm allergic to.
And it always happens like an hour after I ingest it.
What had you eaten an hour before?
It was like German beer garden foods. It was like kielbasa. I think the thing that did me in was there was a salad. It was a peach and goat cheese salad or something, but it had like crunchy chickpeas on top that were fried. My gut tells me that's what it was.
Maybe even fried in peanut oil.
Yeah. So I'm in full anaphylactic shock now. My throat is closing. I can't breathe out of my nose. I can't swallow. And my face, the only way I can describe it is I look like Will Smith in that movie Hitch. yeah he has an allergic reaction that's exactly what i look like oh no insane so i run outside to my mom and my fiance and my brother and sister come over i'm like hiding between two cars i'm mortified in that moment i cried harder than i've ever cried in my entire life i was having a full-blown panic attack and anaphylactic shock at the same time now i don't want to victim shame you but i gotta ask a question i hate when people always ask me this because i was allergic to bee stings but did you have an epi pen i
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