Episode 37: Why Is the Unfaithful So Hot and Cold? Understanding the Push-Pull Dynamic

Have you ever wondered why the unfaithful seem so hot and cold? One minute they're pursuing the betrayed, showing signs they are 'all in.' The next minute, they seem aloof and selfish, if not downright resistant and cantankerous that anyone would ask anything of them. It's as if they protest and complain about having to do any work at all, only to appear to possibly 'get it' the next day, week or month. Traci Pedersen calls this activity "A repetitive/cyclic push-pull dynamic in a relationship that is characterized by alternating patterns of drawing a partner close (pulling), leading to emotional turbulence and instability." The back and forth can can leave the betrayed feeling unsure and uncared for, not to mention rejected and even retraumatized. But why do we do it? What's going on in side of us? What leads us to react this way to 'our person' when it appears so confusing and belittling? After all, we've made choices that have devastated you the betrayed, why would we ever be half in, or back and forth or ambivalent? The truth is we unfaithful are lost in a sea of confusion, disconnected from empathy and compassion. We slide into the push-pull dynamic out of Insecurity about our capability to be intimate and vulnerable. We also typically live and function in an anxious or avoidant attachment (aka pre-occupied or fearful-avoidant) styles. We struggle to have any form of healthy self-empowerment and continue to regress, harming everyone in our path, causing everyone close to us to feel confused and uncertain. Today we'll help both the unfaithful and betrayed understand why this dynamic exists and how to not only overcome it, but eradicate it from both the unfaithful and the betrayed's lives and recoveries. There is hope for both parties to not only understand this dynamic but overcome it. As always, if we can help in any way please reach out to us at [email protected]. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery

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