Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. Oh, that's a tight shirt. That's cool. Is that new? No, I've had it. Oh, I like that Fleetwood Mac. Name your favorite Fleetwood Mac song. Go. Love that. That's my favorite kind of stuff right there, dude. I hate being- Put on the spot. I know.
I hate it. How'd you do last night? You were in a real bad mood last night for some reason. I said hello to you in the hallway. I'll tell you why. And you shuffled me off as if we haven't been friends for 15 years. I'll tell you why. I was like, hey, man. And he goes, hey, I don't even want to be here. I was like, what does that have to do with me?
Because right before, you don't know what happened right before.
Chapter 2: What are the dynamics between the hosts regarding their friendship?
Well, tell me. This guy comes up to me and goes, hey. I go, what's up? He's like, you don't remember me? And I'm like, no. He's like. 2018, dude. And I go, what? Was that Mr. 2018? Yeah, Mr. 2018. He goes, second show, Saturday night. Bria, dude. I was with the funny hat and the weird shoes. You mean like that kind of thing? Like I'm supposed to go, oh yeah. You didn't remember him?
No, I didn't remember him, dude. Well, he's here now. Come on in, Marcus. Do you ever get that? No. Where people are like, you don't remember me? Yeah, I mean, I've had people that say that, not people in the crowd, but people say, do you not remember me? And it's the meanest, rudest thing you can say. Oh, I've had someone go, you don't remember me, do you?
And you're like, okay, well, what do you want me to do here? I know. How do you want me to get out of this? Right. A guy yesterday said, It happens all the time. Look, I love fans. I want to say hi to everyone. Me too, I love them. But also say hi in not the weirdest way possible. Right. A guy literally yesterday goes, am I mistaken or are you a podcaster? How would you like me to respond?
He was mistaken. He was mistaken. I go, I don't know, buddy. I don't know what else to say. And then I feel weird and I get in the car and I go, what was that? Yeah. But what was I supposed to do? Go, yes, it's me, the podcaster. Yeah. In a long line at a checkout at a hardware store. I feel, what do you want me to say? Just say yes. Yes, and then what? Yeah, I know.
Chapter 3: How do the hosts feel about their interactions with fans?
Then it's weird. Then he's like, okay. And then just waiting with my stuff. Just say hi. Just say hi. Or when they're jokey too, I don't like it. Well, you get it way worse. Ken Jeong, what's up? You know what I mean? And then like five minutes later, just kidding, bro. I hope I didn't cross a line. It's like, it wasn't funny.
I'm regretting a little bit putting up the post for your mom's birthday because man, am I giving everyone residents to go, I'm Barbie mom. I'm doing it again. I'm fueling the fire. It's in my special. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? Yeah. Very cool. You're cool. No, no, I think it's very cool. You're cool. Boy, oh boy, am I excited to see this special when the first cut comes out.
I saw it already. Has anybody else seen it?
Chapter 4: What is the significance of Dolly Parton in the conversation?
No, I saw it. You better let me see it. I saw it, it's upstairs. I know, they're literally here. They're literally upstairs. They edited my special too, upstairs. But it was the first time where I sat down and I watched the whole thing. And guess what? Fantastic. Not fantastic, but it was serviceable. Come on, shut up. No, serviceable is good. I bet it's great.
No, I can't tell if it's great, but I'm watching and going, oh, I do seem like a standup. Yeah. You're a 30-year professional. I understand that, but I was just like, oh, that was okay. That was good. I bet you it's more than okay. It's better than okay. Serviceable is a good word though. That should be my next special, serviceable. Yeah. Stand up, here it is. I did some. Yeah. Yeah, why not?
If I do one in my life, it's like that's a good one to have out there. Yeah, look at that. Fulfilling its function adequately. Usable. That's serviceable. Functional and durable rather than attractive. Yeah. That's also true. Yeah. Neither of us are that attractive, but we are functional and durable. Yeah. I don't think I'm ever going to do one again. I thought about that the other night.
Aristotle was like, what's going on? I'm like, I'm doing all new stuff lately. You crush every time. You know, you're the weirdest guy because it's like you'll do a special and then like fucking two months later, you already have a new 15. Yeah. I know, but it's, you know, but I don't- Crushing, crushing. I thought you were crushing. No, but I- With the new 15.
I don't think I'll ever do another special again. I really believe that. I think I'm done doing them. I think they're fun, but I'm like, I think something else is going to happen in the world of standup. Like I think something is on the move. Ooh, AI? Well- AI? That's what I call it. My cousin told me the other night about, they had a meeting. He works at Apple. You know my cousin.
He said they had a meeting about that Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt. They had an internal meeting about the detriment of that to the business because it went crazy viral. You know that scene we showed of the Brad Pitt- Yeah, I saw it, yeah. I've been watching it. People are panicked about it because it's so good and so real, people are now like freaking out. So internally they're like, what's going on?
How are we gonna stop this? Because people at home are gonna start just making full films using AI.
Yeah, they would say that Netflix, the future of Netflix, someone was imagining you just prompt it and then it gives you the movie that you just prompted.
And let me tell you something, we've been joking about that for a long time. Netflix is 100% gonna do that. Why would they not? I mean, I don't like it, but what's gonna stop them? You talk quick. Yeah. It's a little too quick for me. You had a couple cups off. I was throwing the ball with the dog and had a couple cups of coffee. That's what I'm saying. And then I spilled coffee all over my pants.
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of taking Blue Chew?
Yeah. Save a little.
I've been taking a lot of these lately. Yeah, that's a plug for the show. No, but this is real. I asked Carlos last night, I go, bring me more Blue Chew. The funniest thing is we do do Blue Chew reads for the show, but Bobby eats the bags. He rips through them. I rip through them. Then we don't have them to do the reads because he's like, they're at the house. You're just popping them? Oh my God.
No, no, no. It's just like, because I'm on Lexapro, you cannot get even a rat. Oh. Not at all? At all. So the Alexa Pro and the Bluetooth are just fighting. Yeah, they're fighting each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who wins? That's the commercial. Bluetooth wins every time, baby. That is a great commercial. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need it. You do. Really, it works though. Coming is hard. Okay.
Chapter 6: How does Lexapro affect sex drive?
Coming is hard. But without the Alexa Pro, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming. I'm coming at the gym. I'm coming at home. You've seen that, right? Arnold, God, it's the best. Wait, but without the Alexa Pro, you are fine. If I wasn't on it, no, yeah, I'd be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you feel so much better on Lex. It's really astounding how it affects your sex drive.
What are they called, SSRIs? Oh, like whole drive. I think the whole drive. Even now, it's like, last night I was at the comedy show, we were at the show, and I was going in the back, and there was a really cute girl, and she grabbed my wrist. And she's like, where are you going? Right? And I'm going, home. I think that's the Lexapro talking.
Yeah, like I didn't even, because normally what I would do is I'd wait for the whole show to end. Then I'll position myself, smoke a cigarette outside of the main room door. I know what you do. And then you grab them and go, what's up? You have fun? Right, but I didn't even do that. I did this and I went home.
But then if you did this and then you got in your car, popped a Bluetooth, then you're like, I'm gonna go have a chat with that lady. Yeah, then I have to drive back.
Chapter 7: What experiences do players have with hecklers?
Yeah, you gotta go back. Yeah, but it affects my sex drive, I think. That's something that ballplayers can't do. Like you can't wait outside of the stadium, have a cigarette. No, I usually don't. Yeah.
But you know, guys will use the bench attendance, the locker room attendance. They sit out there on the court during the game and they'll use that.
Oh really? They'll do that? Go talk to that girl from, yeah, they send them over. That's great. The single guys, obviously. It's like Carlos is like your runner. Yeah. Except I would take the girls from the players. Okay, player. I see you. I would do half and half. She said no, man. Exactly. You're saying if you're an assistant at an NBA game, you would get a girl over Blake Griffin?
Yeah, if he was pointing at a girl, I'd be like, hey, Blake, he's got some other girls tonight, but you roll with me. Maybe we'll see him at 3 a.m., 4 a.m. That's the same one I do with Bob. That is exactly, that is precisely. Bobby, I'm joking. No, no. I let it go, I let it go. No, that is legitimately true. It's the ketamine talking, the ketamine. Are you guys doing ketamine back?
No, I'm not on ketamine right now. Yeah, he's on ketamine Saturday night. He was this weekend. He's going to be in timeout because he's supposed to be sober, but not happening, I guess. And they go to the gay nightclubs and they party all night. We don't have to tell Blake about the gay part.
No, Blake likes to hear that kind of stuff. Are you kidding me? Come on. You would have killed it at the Abbey. Thanks, man.
Make that part of your speech. I would have killed it at the Abbey just letting you guys know. Blake, who's the most famous person that's been courtside when you were playing?
Oh my gosh.
Would anybody make you nervous? Yeah, does it make you nervous?
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Chapter 8: How do NBA players handle travel and team flights?
Barack Obama. Does Jack even watch the game? Barack Obama. Yeah, Barack. I've never played Barack, but Barack was there.
You don't know Barack? Dude, there was a game. Look this up. Look up N64 Turok. T-U-R-O-K. Turok Obama is the game I'm going to put out. Where Barack Obama is just fighting dinosaurs. Turok Obama.
Taking back. That's Barack Obama. That's why he's so staunch on fossil fuels. That's exactly right, dude.
So you don't get intimidated if Barack or something was in the sideline.
I need you to say it.
I don't know how to say it. I refuse to say it right. No, no, he's saying it right. Yeah, yeah. Barack. Barack Obama. Barack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't get nervous. They'd go, Barack's here.
Not nervous. I'd be like, wow, that's really cool.
The guy was in office for fucking almost a decade, and it's Barack to him. Never once did you hear the news... And go, Barack. And you're like, no, I think it's Barack.
Yeah. I know it's Barack. They were saying that on Fox News. Yeah, they were. Bobby's just outing himself as a Fox News guy. Big time.
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