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Barely Famous

The Roast Of Kail Lowry with Lincoln & Lux

13 Mar 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What humorous moments kick off the roast of Kail?

0.031 - 36.948 Kail Lowry

Welcome to the shit show. Things are going to get weird. It's your fave villain, Kale Lowry. And you're listening to Barely Famous. You ready? Yeah. Lista. Listan. Yeah. Okay. I don't know fly first. Yeah. Yeah. Please God, no. Okay. Oh my gosh. Okay, welcome back to another episode of Barely Famous Podcast. Today I have two very special guests.

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37.128 - 66.37 Kail Lowry

I know that you normally hear from Elliot, but today we have the dynamic duo of Lincoln and Lux. What's up, dude? What's up? I'm stressed already. I don't know what is ever going to come out of these two's mouths. So we're going to start first with a flag game, okay? Choo-choo. So Lincoln has this ability to name a lot of countries' flags that even I've never seen before. And so we did part one.

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66.691 - 89.086 Kail Lowry

We did part two. And now we're going to do part three. With me this time. With Lux this time. Normally the part one and part two is just Lincoln. And this time Alessandra helped me pick flags that I don't know if these countries have soccer teams. Right. Huh? Okay, because I know that Lincoln started learning... Indonesia does, so just in case... Indonesia.

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89.106 - 90.428 Lincoln

Did y'all pick that one?

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91.389 - 116.444 Kail Lowry

I'm him. I'm him. So, we worked really hard to try to pick countries that we didn't know if they had soccer teams or not. China? So, Lincoln... They do have a soccer team. Lincoln originally started learning the flags just by association with soccer teams. And so, I printed some out, and I did have to write them on the back because... No. Skip. You know this one. You guessed this one before.

116.464 - 131.498 Kail Lowry

I just did. Okay, so we're going to do the flag challenge. But why is it so easy? I'm going to show him some flags, and he's going to tell us what the country of the flag is. Lux can also help, but Lux is just learning, so he's starting.

Chapter 2: How does the flag game challenge the guests?

131.518 - 134.881 Lincoln

I see one that's red. It kind of looks like Venezuela.

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136.102 - 137.323 Kail Lowry

I didn't even get a chance.

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139.024 - 139.505 Lincoln

I don't know.

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139.525 - 144.963 Kail Lowry

Venezuela. Yes, this is Venezuela. I had to write it on the back because I don't know them.

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145.584 - 151.931 Lincoln

He's going to get every single one. He's not going to give me a chance. I'm not going to get every single one. I've never seen this.

152.611 - 158.418 Kail Lowry

I don't think this country has a soccer team. Is it in Africa or Asia? No. Asia? It's in the Caribbean.

159.279 - 181.846 Lincoln

What is that? It's like near Central America. It's like on the right. It's like on the right. Yeah. That looks like Thailand. I'm going to guess. No, it's not Thailand. It's an island. Ocean? Yeah. City? Yeah. Oh, Ocean, Maryland. No. Island, you said? No. It's in the Caribbean. Island.

181.986 - 189.476 Kail Lowry

Oh, yeah. An island. I've never seen that. This is Antigua. This was an Alessandra pick. Antigua? Antigua.

189.616 - 194.002 Lincoln

I don't think it speaks Spanish, though. Huh? That's in Wate. Antigua is the capital.

Chapter 3: What insights do Lincoln and Lux share about their future aspirations?

546.012 - 566.038 Lincoln

There already is chaperones who already are, like, are literally people for the glow dance, so... No. You're too old. You won't understand what's going on. I'm not that old, Lincoln. But one thing I want you to start to do is cooking. Say that a little louder. Cooking, because...

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567.723 - 588.214 Lincoln

Since you are white, like, if you make chicken one day, you're not going to know, like, how much seasoning, like, or put seasoning. Like, this today at lunch, like, we had ramen with some dry, no-season turkey. That's what I had. And it was disgusting. Like, the ramen was, like, it would taste like bread, and it was, like, as dry as bread.

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588.654 - 596.346 Kail Lowry

Do you want me to come work in your cafeteria and season the food better? Yes. Not you. Who? Who better than me?

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598.216 - 605.425 Lincoln

Mom, I could probably cook better than you. Lux and freaking Rio combined good. Because you're white.

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608.999 - 614.89 Kail Lowry

But my theory with cooking is that, like, if I don't season it a whole lot, you guys can add some salt and pepper to it.

615.17 - 631.8 Lincoln

Well, okay, actually, since you... Let's get to another question. You know what? Since you have had, like, so many relationships, and most of them are, like, not white people, I think they can, like, teach you, because you need, like, to learn, so... I think you actually got just, like...

632.017 - 648.017 Kail Lowry

Not great cooking parents because maybe your dad's gotten better, but he didn't really cook when we were together either. Mom, that was like 15 years ago. I'm moving on. You're so old. These days I'm all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet.

648.218 - 670.107 Kail Lowry

And with the seasons changing, I know for sure that if it's not made well or versatile, it's not worth it to me, but that's why I love Quince. These fabrics feel elevated and the cuts are thoughtful, but what really gets me is that the pricing actually makes sense. Quince makes high quality wardrobe staples using premium fabrics, like 100% European linen, 100% silk and organic cotton poplin.

670.475 - 694.491 Kail Lowry

lightweight cotton cashmere sweaters perfect for the changing seasons like i said and it's warm here today okay it's like 70 degrees quince also works directly with safe ethical factories and cuts out the middleman you're not paying for the brand markup or for fancy retail stores just quality clothing quince uses 100 european linen their cotton poplin is crisp and holds its shape which is really nice and the gauze is soft without being super flimsy

Chapter 4: How do Kail's kids roast her during the episode?

1010.347 - 1034.197 Kail Lowry

Like, you can feel yourself getting older? Lux, can you feel yourself getting older? Or not really? No. I think maybe, like, as you get older... You get more privileges. And so you can recognize it with that. So like the older you get, like Lux doesn't have school dances. You do. So as he gets older and gets to do those things, he'll maybe start to feel older.

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1034.237 - 1036.44 Lincoln

Maybe. Who am I going to dance with?

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1038.282 - 1048.714 Kail Lowry

You don't have to dance with anyone. The glow dance is like a party. Okay. But I mean, some people dance. Like you can go to a school dance, Lux. You don't have to actually dance. It's just like hanging out with your friends, you know?

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1048.734 - 1049.856 Lincoln

Yeah, I go to my friends.

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1049.876 - 1050.076 Kail Lowry

Yeah.

1050.977 - 1051.077

Okay.

1051.748 - 1058.366 Kail Lowry

Okay. Okay. What's one responsibility that you have now that feels grown up?

1059.348 - 1063.058 Lincoln

Going to bed. Like, whenever.

1064.59 - 1083.438 Kail Lowry

Neither one of you give me a hard time waking up, and so I feel like I have a little... I give you guys a little bit more flexibility with your bedtimes because you both never give me a hard time in the morning. Like, I have never had to... I never... You do make me go to bed at a certain time. Yeah, but I feel like I could give you a little bit more flexibility.

Chapter 5: What are the funniest moments from the trivia games?

1245.556 - 1263.345 Kail Lowry

Lincoln comes home and I'm so excited because I learned how to play chess and I go to teach Lincoln and he said, I already know how to play. And then he beat me. Yeah, just like I did to you. Lux has also beat me in chess. That is true. What's something you're excited about as you get older?

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1263.365 - 1267.495 Lincoln

Oh, definitely being a barber.

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1268.417 - 1283.209 Kail Lowry

Oh, okay. That's a good goal. I love that. Getting more opportunities to play sports. Okay. What kind of sports? Are you thinking the same sort of realm that you're in now, or do you want to... Soccer, basketball, boxing. Boxing. Okay, that's cool.

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1283.309 - 1293.822 Lincoln

I mean, I feel like you've... I feel like I can go to more different schools, better schools. Say that one more time. I can go to better schools, good schools, give me good opportunities to become a professional in one of them.

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1293.862 - 1311.867 Kail Lowry

Okay. I love that. I love these goals. These are good goals. What's something about growing up that feels scary? Uh, taking care of babies. Getting kids. Getting kids. Yeah. I don't know if you guys know this, but y'all do not have to have kids anytime soon. Okay.

1311.887 - 1320.901 Lincoln

I know, like, if I do have a kid, like, I know you, like, you've gone through it. I've never gone through it. Like, I'm not even going to be able to get sleep. That is true. That is very true.

1320.941 - 1335.517 Kail Lowry

But you guys could wait until you're in your... I wonder why you're always cranky. Um, you guys could wait until you're in your thirties to like have, or even forties, or you don't have to have kids at all. That was a big mistake you made.

1337.5 - 1351.603 Lincoln

What did you say? That was a big mistake you made. Definitely did not have kids in your thirties. I had you both when I was in my twenties. You didn't even wait to have Ellie before you were an adult. Yeah. I'm aware. Where are you pressing? What? Where are you pressing?

1353.203 - 1361.796 Kail Lowry

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Chapter 6: How do Lincoln and Lux feel about their ages and responsibilities?

2956.993 - 2961.46 Lincoln

Oh, I didn't know they were the same. Mom, and I used to play defense. Just defense is not my thing.

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2961.76 - 2972.136 Kail Lowry

No, I agree. That's why when you were on that travel team, your coach did not realize how good you were. And she pulled me aside and she said, I'm moving him to forward. He's not afraid of the ball. How about you?

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2973.799 - 2992.751 Lincoln

Goalkeeper, center back, and center second forward. Center second mid. What's your favorite to play? I like all of them because they're all fun in different ways. Like center back, I get to push people around. Goalkeeper, I like to dive and save up all the shots. And center attacking mid, I like to dribble and stuff like that and make good passes. So they're all fun in different ways.

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2994.433 - 2995.714 Kail Lowry

It stresses me out when you're the goalie.

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2996.135 - 2996.355 Lincoln

Why?

3000.039 - 3023.042 Kail Lowry

Because I know how hard you're going to be on yourself about it. I know you love being goalie and you're great at goalkeeper and... Some of the last games that you were playing at Kirkwood, like your teammates' parents would like make comments about how good you were as goalkeeper. But as your mom, I just know that if you let a single goal pass you, how hard you're going to be on yourself.

3023.542 - 3041.958 Kail Lowry

And that stresses me out because just because you let a goal pass, Just because you miss one doesn't mean you're a bad goalkeeper. And I just, it stresses me out. So, but I want you to play whatever position makes you happy and I'll support you in any way. That's it for these questions. The rest of this is just a game.

3042.499 - 3048.567 Lincoln

You don't really wake anybody up because I wake up like before everyone. So I just wake them up when I get up when you're still sleeping.

3049.168 - 3049.408 Kail Lowry

Yeah.

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