Begin Again Moments: Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

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Begin Again with Davina McCall 12 min 1 speaker 8 chapters transcribed just now
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What happened when Simon was left alone at eight and how did it shape his survival mindset?

Simon Squibb 0:00
I was eight years old and I went to a I lived in a small town called St Nears and we went shopping one day in Bedford, which is nearby, maybe you know, a thirty minute or so bus ride away. And so we went there and um And I remember it's probably one of my earliest memories as as a child. I can remember it so clearly because we were having a nice day and we were shopping. And then I can't remember exactly what happened. I think I think we just had an argument, basically, about something. I think I said I wanted to get a drink and she said she wanted to finish what she was doing. I I can't remember the exact detail. But then she just basically said, Well, you can just get home on your own then, can't you?
Simon Squibb 0:34
And she walked off and left me. Now, at eight years old I don't know if that's normal or not. Right? At at eight years old I'm just instantly thinking, okay, I've got to I've got to get home. You know, what do I do? How do I get home? What what bus do I have to get? We came in a car by the way, so I didn't know what bus I had to get and I didn't have any money on me. So of course back then no mobile phones, no nothing, right? So it it's kind of an interesting panic. Now, you know, since uh growing up now, I've got a seven year old, he's just about to turn eight. I can't even leave him in his bedroom on his own, you know, like I like I look check in on him, make sure he's okay. So now I understand maybe th you know, it was d it was it was technically wrong, but it didn't feel wrong to me at the time.
Simon Squibb 1:15
I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was punishing me. That's what parents do when you do something wrong. So but I guess kind of this is the good thing about when people are hard on you. I learned to get home. I l I l I learnt to, you know, get the money I needed, figure out the bus, get on the bus. You know, an eight year old is not a uh it's not a weakling. You know, I I I I managed to learn this thing that I now carry with me, you can call it a curse or a blessing, that anything is possible and you can just you know, despite being dumped in a town with no money, I can survive.

How did being kicked out at 15 impact Simon’s view of adulthood and homelessness?

Davina McCall 1:51
Yes.
Simon Squibb 1:52
Which is kind of an interesting revelation. It's almost bit freeing. If you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose. If you've got nothing and you can make something out of nothing, it kinda wakes you up a bit. Now I would never do it to my child. No. But I I also see Some good in it. And I see some benefit in it. When I interview people, I could see sometimes people that have single parents or parent that's a bit tough on them, sometimes they have a better life long term because they do the hard thing when they're young for the easier life later. And I think my mum also kicked me out at fifteen years old, just after my father had died. And so that was also a crazy moment. I mean she
Davina McCall 2:28
literally put your stuff on the street. Yeah.
Simon Squibb 2:30
Well no, she didn't even give me my stuff. She just told me to get out. So I literally grabbed a bag and threw some stuff in it and she said, Get out of my house, screaming at me. I'm gonna call the police. Get out of my house.
Davina McCall 2:38
You never went back.
Simon Squibb 2:39
Never went back.
Davina McCall 2:41
Fifteen.
Simon Squibb 2:42
Yeah. And I and I even now when I think about it now I feel a bit sad about it because it's it's um I I g I went from having a father and a mother and I've got three brothers. We're all together in a house. And then suddenly I'm on my own, out in the real world. And I think the thing that really hit me was just how unprepared I was for the real world. Even though the eight year old experience that wasn't my daily experience.

What signs revealed Simon’s mother’s narcissistic behavior and how did he later recognize them?

Simon Squibb 3:03
That was just a one off experience when I was younger. Actually at fifteen years old, looking like an adult. So you don't look fif I didn't look fifteen. At all. I was I looked I was a rugby player. I looked like a grown up. You know, most people thought I was eighteen, nineteen, twenty. So, you know, fifteen years old out in the street. Yeah. But well I mean the the other side of it is the world I learnt suddenly throwing out into the real world, like have a lot of empathy for the homeless because I was actually homeless in total for eight weeks.

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