How To Date Again (Without Losing Yourself): Begin Again Moments
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What emotional challenges do people face when dating in midlife?
What I'm interested in is like dating in midlife is really, really hard, I think. Because men don't stay single. I think for about three minutes, the really good ones, you think, oh my God, where have they all gone? Whereas women are so happy to stay on their own for ages. And also as someone famous, how do you do that?
How do you date? I try to not worry about being famous just in life in general because I don't think it's that healthy. Do you? No, but like, isn't it, can you go on dating apps? I did. Did you? Yeah, I don't like them. I've written an article about it if anyone's more interested in the deep of thoughts. But I, yeah, with the fame thing, I just, it's not good for me or healthy for anyone if I get worried about it or become paranoid or whatever. Like, I can't do that. It's good for my kids or anything. So I just sort of go, everyone else who's worried about it, that's their thing, but I'm not. So I just carry on. I get on the bus sometimes. Oh, yeah, I do that. I go to the supermarket, whatever.
I do all of that.
I'm not bothered. And the same, I went on a date.
How can dating apps affect your dating experience?
It makes you quite vulnerable. Yeah, I mean, that's amazing. But I don't really, I didn't look at anyone's messages that directly messaged me. I just looked at people that I'd liked so it was a match. I didn't like read anything, appeals. Right. Because they all start with, I'm a big fan of your music. What? Definitely don't want to date someone who's a fan of my music. I only like people who think it's rubbish. But, yeah, so I did that. And I don't think my experience of dating apps is much different to anybody else's because I'm famous. But I think it's a melting pot of damaged and, you know, resolved people. And I also think that a lot of men on there go on there for like an ego boost.
Yeah.
and use it like a really free way to get sex without attachment. So you've got to be careful on there. And I think maybe I was a bit naive when I did it at first. How long ago did you do it? Well, I've done it a couple of times, gone on and off, like people I go love-hate relationship with it. It started when I was just feeling like I was in that baby jail phase. Because when I broke up with my ex, the baby was quite young. So when they were about one... I went on it because you're always at home with the baby and they're putting them to bed and sitting next to the cot and all of that stuff. And you're just like, what am I going to do? I'll just... Yes, okay, like just scrolling. Ironically, I'd done that in a music video before I'd even broke up with my ex.
I did a scene with a baby sat next to me. Oh, my God. Swiping. And it was like a prophecy. Oh, my God. It was a kind of joke at the time and then I was like, the joke's become real. The joke's on me. Yeah. But yeah, I just did it as kind of to fill the time waiting for the kids to go to sleep sort of thing. But I didn't do it in a serious way. But then I met some people and... Everyone's really damaged and I don't know. I don't have any answers. I don't think I would go on it again. I have deleted them all. I don't think they're of interest to me. I think that I've got too much depth for the people I met on there. I do have this feeling to sort of be beginning again, but I have this feeling that now I'm having another life
What should you consider before using dating apps in your 40s?
And I've started it. And that's scary and all those things. But what I love about the person I am today that I wasn't when I was 21, starting adulthood, is that I know what I like. I know how to say no to things I don't like. And I'm really kind of... empowered by it like I feel sexier than I ever was I feel like you know more silly I feel more immature almost like in a but then I've got all the important practical things covered in a really mature way like you know the house is in order the kids have dropped at the right time they're albeit a bit late sometimes But like, yeah, I, you know, I feel that's all taken care of, but now it's the beginning of a new life.
Typically in our 20s and 30s, we have a lower priority list because you're trying to work things out.
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Chapters
3 chaptersSpeakers
3 identifiedMore from Begin Again with Davina McCall
Begin Again Moments: How To Communicate When Love Gets Hard
Jake Humphrey on Grief, The Trauma Of Childhood Bullying & His Mission To Save Young Men
Begin Again Moments: Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent
Liz Houghton: Losing My 20-Year-Old Son & How To Keep Living When Your World Ends
Begin Again Moments: Hitting Rock Bottom And What Comes Next
Caitlin Moran: “I Thought My Brain Had Broken” Becoming Hopeful After A Life Of Anxiety