How To Manage Grief: Begin Again Moments
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What personal loss does Andi Oliver share in this episode?
Hi everyone, so this is Begin Again Moments and we have handpicked some really magical moments from Begin Again. This week it's Andy Oliver talking about the death of her brother Sean and she talks about it so beautifully and grief is something we will all have to navigate at some point in our lives and we thought you might really enjoy this one.
Sean was a sickle cell sufferer. I'm a carrier. It was very tricky. And then when he was about... So he was 18 months older than me. When he was about 12 or 13, we found out that he had an expected lifespan of 30.
I feel like... remembering Sean, I remember him being the most laid back, chilled out, relaxed, calm. And I wonder now you telling me that exertion brought on. Whether years of knowing that if I get overexcited or I do. But it made him completely unique. This level of chill was so attractive to me. Because he also had a fast brain.
How did Sean's illness affect his life and those around him?
Yeah, I mean, so smart. His brain was really, really, really fast, but he was very, and also I'm his sister. So he was the opposite of me and like physically, energetically. So I would do all the energy stuff and he would sort of direct me from the sofa. He would get me to do the most unbelievable shit. And I was always like, but what? You know, I was quite neurotic. What if we get in trouble? And he'd go, yeah, but we'll still have done it. Just fucking go and get the thing. Get the wine. Nick Dad's wine. You know, terrible, like, naughty. He was so naughty. He was naughty, but in a really good way.
What unique qualities did Sean possess that Andi remembers?
A really unbelievably charismatic way. I also just want to say, I don't know if it's possible on the YouTube channel that we're going to put this on. But at this point, I would love to put a really beautiful picture of Sean Oliver, please. So everybody can see the beauty. Sean, because no, really, Andy. He was breathtakingly beautiful. But like his energy matched his beauty. Like it was just, he was incredible.
He was incredible. I mean, the reason I've got my look in my face is because I'm just remembering how annoyed I used to get because he used to sleep with everybody. I just want to let you know, I never had sex with Sean.
You're literally one of the only people I know. I did happen to be sleeping with his best friend, though.
That would have been bad. Yes, I may not have stopped him. Just going to say, just going to say, okay, just going to say. But he did very much love Bree, so it probably would have stopped him. But he was unbelievable. I mean, I would get friends and I'd go, please, can you not? Just, can you just not? And he'd go, and he actually said to me once, I can't promise anything. And I was like, And then, of course, he slept with her. Just to sleep with everybody. And, you know, with Sean, I just think he wanted to eat up as much life as he possibly could, whether it was with sex, with music, with everything. You know, he just had this... It's interesting because he was, as you say, incredibly chilled out about everything.
He just didn't have those kind of... trigger points that a lot of people do he just didn't have them but he had an urgency about living but was that was he aware of his life expectancy okay from the age of about 12 he knew that wow because that's really going to affect yeah it's massive but in a way also I think that um we couldn't really conceive of what it meant no because 30 seems so far away yes When you're 12, 30 is like some far-off land, you know. But we knew that meant it was young.
Can you describe the night of Sean's passing?
But it was still hard for us to get our heads around him. When he died, he was 27. Can you tell me a bit about that night? Oh, the worst part of my life, Davina. I was at the Globe, which was a sort of dive bar in Tavistock. No, what square is it? It was at the bottom of Powys Terrace, which is where I lived. And it was a little dive bar place that we all used to run and run around in. And it was the first place I ever cooked food and people paid me was in the Globe. Remember when I used to do all the food? Yeah, I do. And there was a party in Upstead. Carmen Monroe, who is a black English actress, Caribbean English actress, was in there.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What personal loss does Andi Oliver share in this episode?
0:01–1:26
2
How did Sean's illness affect his life and those around him?
1:26–2:02
3
What unique qualities did Sean possess that Andi remembers?
2:02–4:14
4
Can you describe the night of Sean's passing?
4:14–5:41
5
What insights does Gelong Thubten offer about processing grief?
5:41–7:35
6
How can we make space for love and loss in our lives?
7:35–9:33
7
What role does acceptance play in dealing with grief?
9:33–10:57
8
How can sharing memories help in the grieving process?
10:57–18:57
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from Begin Again with Davina McCall
Begin Again Moments: How To Communicate When Love Gets Hard
Jake Humphrey on Grief, The Trauma Of Childhood Bullying & His Mission To Save Young Men
Begin Again Moments: Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent
Liz Houghton: Losing My 20-Year-Old Son & How To Keep Living When Your World Ends
Begin Again Moments: Hitting Rock Bottom And What Comes Next
Caitlin Moran: “I Thought My Brain Had Broken” Becoming Hopeful After A Life Of Anxiety