“Breadcrumbing is where the man isn’t giving you the full loaf of bread!”
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How did Édaein O’Connell introduce her dating beat and current relationship status?
Freelance journalist, Aideen O'Connell. Good afternoon.
How are things?
Or good morning, sorry. How are you?
I'm good.
OK, we'll watch out for signs of heat confusion with me now. Come here. You've been writing for a while now about being a single girl on the Irish dating scene. And you've shared some of those experiences with us here. So today you're going to explain to us some of the current trends on the dating scene. But a bit of a catch up first. Are you currently off the market? I'm off the shelf.
OK.
As they say, even though I can't say the words, but there is a fella hanging around the place.
A fella hanging around the place. Does he qualify as a boyfriend or where are you at?
Yeah, I suppose so. I just get all embarrassed when I say it. And I said this to my father because my dad was like, so is he the boyfriend or what? And I said, no, he's just hanging around. And dad was like, is that what they're calling it these days? I said, that is what they're calling it.
They're calling it. Okay. So how long is he hanging around for? You have quite specific timelines, don't you, in these things?
Yeah, a little bit. I kind of, I always said six months is when you'd have exclusive chat. But now I was like, that's a bit, that's a bit too long.
Wait, are you still seeing other people?
No, no, no, no. did you have an exclusive chat like or did you yeah we've been kind of saying it and then but we kind of skipped the exclusive chat and just kind of became boyfriend girlfriend which I hate saying it's awful cringy yeah yeah no it's not actually but I would have always had very strict timelines in my head about dating and relationships yeah which are which are so like Originally, yeah, my friends would be like six months is when you kind of have the exclusive chat or you'd lay down that you're a boyfriend or girlfriend. Anything before that is a bit too quick because they say it takes about three months to like really get to know each other. And after the three month mark, that's when people show, you know, their true colours.
And this is one of the dating trends that people talk about now. It's called the sunset clause.
Oh yeah, what's the sunset clause?
So it's where you would set a time limit on, say, on the relationship to have a conversation. So it's like, you would agree at the start that after three months we might have the chat about are we seeing other people or are we off the apps? Then six months we'll have, you know, we'll sit down and we'll see how the relationship is going and sound out each other's side and then we'll decide over a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is like some kind of business arrangement.
It sounds like a business deal.
Is that how it is these days, yeah?
Yeah.
So it kind of takes the spontaneity out of it a little bit. And looking back now and I kind of look at my own situation, I don't know about putting all these kind of time limits on it because some people are, everyone's different. Every relationship is different. Every relationship grows at a different pace.
You know what I mean?
And I think if you're ready to make the next step, then do.
But the sunset clause is a recognised strategy. It's a recognised strategy, yeah.
And then one of the other newer trends that's kind of coming out in, I suppose like in response to this on the other side of it is called wildflowering. So think about a wildflower in the field, you let it grow organically. So you go into a relationship and there wouldn't be any talk of this. And you wouldn't set a timeline.
And you wouldn't say... Are you seeing other people? You see, this is the problem with wildflowering. I seem a bit obsessed about this. It's just that in my day, you kind of weren't allowed from the beginning. So in the wildflowering, are you seeing other people there?
This is the problem with wildflowering. Because you're not having these conversations... Like you could be two flowers, but you could be two different gardens.
And that's a problem.
What is a 'sunset clause' and how is it used to time relationship talks?
You know what I mean?
So while I think it is a lovely thing to maybe not put a time limit on your relationships, like it is nice to let it grow organically.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
How did Édaein O’Connell introduce her dating beat and current relationship status?
0:00–3:17
2
What is a 'sunset clause' and how is it used to time relationship talks?
3:17–7:45
3
What does 'wildflowering' mean and what are its risks for partners?
7:45–11:12
4
How is 'chalant dating' defined and why are women moving away from nonchalance?
11:12–12:45