Laser Stories (7/27/26)

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Brooke and Jeffrey 14 min 9 speakers 3 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:00
Hey, Portlandia fans.
Carrie Brownstein 0:01
Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:03
The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.
Carrie Brownstein 0:06
We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:18
And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.
Carrie Brownstein 0:30
Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song, a melody.
Kyle MacLachlan 0:35
Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.
Carrie Brownstein 0:37
I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Chelsea Handler 0:47
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.
Sam Jay 0:56
Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nick Turturro 1:17
I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro.
Unknown 1:42
It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.
Nick Turturro 1:45
And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search delivering happiness with Nick Turturro. And listen now.
Brooke (host) 1:52
What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and iHeart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines. Naomi Osaka showing out. Shout-outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kashawn Rock's boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift. And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jake Brennan 2:22
I'm Jake Brennan, and on the Disgraceland podcast, I explore the wild lives of rock stars and unbelievable true crime stories from music history. These are the stories you haven't heard, the kind you'll end up telling someone else. Like the time Paul McCartney spent in a notorious prison, or the bizarre crime Lady Gaga is accused of, or that time Blondie's Debbie Harry escaped Ted Bundy. Listen to Disgraceland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Joe Jonas 2:59
It's the radio segment that thinks there's too many sugary cereals out there, so it came up with a savory one. Introducing Doritos Puff Cereal. Ew, that sounds awful. Now available in Cool Ranch, Nacho Cheese, and Hot Honey flavors. None are necessary. It should be okay because it's cheese in milk. I mean, it's kind of the same thing. I don't like it. There you go. Mac and cheese. Get your kids a shorter lifespan and back into breakfast with Laser Stories. the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. These other nacho nibblers just don't. This first laser story is out of California. A 39-year-old woman named Shanae Watkins went into a Kroger grocery store recently and loaded up on two things, bacon and vodka.
Joe Jonas 3:47
Oh, yeah! Sounds like a fun time. I'd try to befriend her in the cashier line. I mean, who wouldn't? When I say she loaded up, she really loaded up. She went to multiple stores, and her plan was to not pay anything.

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