Masked Speaker: Petty Pizza Time

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Brooke and Jeffrey 12 min 9 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:00
Hey, Portlandia fans.
Carrie Brownstein 0:01
Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:03
The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.
Carrie Brownstein 0:06
We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:18
And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.
Carrie Brownstein 0:30
Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song, a melody.
Kyle MacLachlan 0:35
Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.
Carrie Brownstein 0:37
I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke (host) 0:47
What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and iHeart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines. Naomi Osaka showing out. Shout-outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kashawn Rock's boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift. And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jake Brennan 1:17
I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, like how the story of the Foo Fighters isn't just about music. It's about grief, shock, and the moment everything changed. Imagine that. You're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana. And the phone rings, and you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kurt Cobain, is dead. Listen to Disgraceland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nick Turturro 1:52
I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro.
Unknown 2:18
It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.
Nick Turturro 2:20
And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now.
Chelsea Handler 2:27
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.
Sam Jay 2:36
Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:01
You don't know me.
Carrie Brownstein 3:03
A confession I can't take back. I am...
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:06
The mask speaks. Got a text, 78592, that says, if I see someone's parked their big expensive car over the line so no one can use the space next to them, I will do everything I can to try and squeeze into that spot. My record is six minutes of careful maneuvering where I had to climb out through my moonroof, but it was worth it. Oh, my God. That is commitment. That is next level, Penny.
Kyle MacLachlan 3:37
I love it. Yes.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:37
But if you're not that intense and you want to just be mid-level petty, you can come on this segment and share your evil misdeeds right here on the Mass Speaker. And we have a listener who's ready to climb out the moonroof of his life. He's chosen to go by the name Preston today. So, Preston, welcome to the show. Hey, guys, what's going on? Not much is here with you, Preston. How are you feeling? I'm doing okay. Okay. You don't seem like crazy nervous. Yeah. We'll wait until the confession happens.

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