Catching Feelings In Your Situationship? We Got You.
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So a situationship is comfortable. That doesn't mean it's right for me and what I need, but it means that I don't have to be super vulnerable. I don't have to fear being hurt. I don't have to fear being consumed by someone and having to give everything to them. And that might be too much. If we're thinking about those people where, yeah, on the surface, situationships really suit them. It's not really comfortable. that it suits them. It's more that I'm scared that if I allow more of myself to be seen or to be given to someone that I then could get hurt. Welcome to But Are You Happy?
I'm Ashany Dante. Dating can feel confusing enough, but now there's a new kind of dynamic that a lot of people are living inside. often without even realising it, the situationship. It's an undefined romantic connection that sits somewhere between dating and a proper relationship. It can feel warm, convenient and even intimate, but it's rarely clear to the two people in it what their relationship actually is. Today we're unpacking the psychology behind situationships with Sarah Bays. She's a Sydney-based psychotherapist and host of Mamma Mia's relationship podcast, This Is Why We Fight. She also runs Motivated Minds, a counselling practice with a strong focus on relationships. Sarah spends a lot of time helping people make sense of their relationship patterns, especially how attachment styles play into the way we connect.
And situationships come up a lot. The on again, off again dynamic, the blurry boundaries, the we're not really together, but we're definitely not nothing kind of relationships. She's here to help us unpack this today. So join Sarah and I in the But I Happy studio for this incredible conversation.
Thank you so much, Sarah, for joining us today. I'm excited about today's episode. Me too. Thank you for having me. Yeah, this is a really fun topic. Yeah, it's fun. And also there's like, I just find the term is very new as well, like in my space. I'm like, oh, I didn't know much about it until I started researching about it. And I'm like, oh, wow, this is a thing. Yeah. But it's interesting because, you know, for people who have clicked on this episode, some may be wondering whether...
How is a 'situationship' defined and why is it different from dating or a relationship?
they are or their friends are in a situationship or not. So let's start there. Like what actually is a situationship?
Yeah. So I love that this idea that some people may actually be in one and not know, because I think until you put a name to things, sometimes it is this kind of just like ambiguous, you know, situation that I'm in. And I love how the word situationship kind of has this self-explanatory part to it, where it's like, it's a situation that I can't really label or put an exact title on, you know? So it's often, I guess the point of them usually is, either we don't want to be putting a label on something. So we're keeping it as a situationship or it's too new to put a label on. So at the moment, we're just sort of like letting this thing organically grow and it might turn into a relationship. It might stay this way.
It's kind of like, we don't know what direction it's going in.
Yeah. It just sounds like it's, It sounds messy. Like you're kind of in the unknown. And I did a bit of research and it was talking about how situationships are being labeled as a liminal space for a relationship where a liminal space is basically that messy in between stage. You're not in one room, but you're not in the other room. You're kind of lurking in the hallway. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? So it's confusing. It's limbo. That's what it is. Yeah. And I think a lot of people really struggle in that space. You know, I mean, I think as human beings, our brain loves to have things in categories and be really clearly defined and, and that can be a good thing in some ways, but in other ways it can make us sort of push things before they're ready or pull out of things before we've given it a chance. And so I think it depends on your personality type, whether you're the type of person who would do well in a situation ship or who would find
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