Girl, It’s Not Gastro, It’s Perfectionism.
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What exactly is perfectionism from a psychological perspective and how does it differ from healthy striving?
I'm Kate Langbrook, host of Australia's number one interview podcast for women, No Filter. Every single week, I get to sit across from someone, sometimes famous, sometimes completely unknown, and together we get to the part of the story nobody's heard before. and Mamma Mia subscribers get to hear it first. Every episode of No Filter drop two full days before regular listening, exclusive for subscribers, plus you get access to subscriber-exclusive episodes across the Mamma Mia network. Treat yourself to something worth listening to and get to hear it first. Tap the link in the show notes and become a Mamma Mia subscriber today.
The inner criticism that you have to endure day in, day out, that inner bully that's just living rent-free in your mind, it takes such a huge toll. So it's no joke, perfectionism. Yeah, it's harmful, not harmless. Hi, I'm Ashani Dante, and this is But Are You Happy?
Perfectionism is one of those words we throw around a lot. We tend to picture someone who's just really driven, really organized, and maybe a bit impressive. But that's not quite the full story. Perfectionism is something much deeper and much tougher to live with. It's a multi-dimensional personality style where you set standards that are often unrealistic, sometimes impossible, and tie your self-worth tightly to how well you can meet them. And when you don't, the self-criticism can be relentless. So it's not just about wanting to do well, and mistakes don't just feel uncomfortable, they can feel like personal failures. And to unpack all of this, I'm joined by Anita Shimmons, a clinical psychologist at Enlight Psychology here in Sydney, and someone who works closely with people navigating perfectionism every day. In this conversation, we get into what perfectionism actually is beyond the buzzword, the beliefs that keep people stuck in it, and how it shows up in real life.
from work to relationships, to the way we talk to ourselves. And importantly, we talk about what helps, how to reframe mistakes, loosen those rigid standards, and build goals that are actually sustainable. It's thoughtful, it's practical, it might just change the way you see yourself. Here's our conversation. Hi, Anita. Thank you so much for joining us for this conversation. I am very excited to unpack this topic. So am I. Thanks for having me. You know, it's funny because it is a very relatable topic and I kind of just want to start off there. Like, what exactly is perfectionism from a psychological perspective? And how do you distinguish between the healthy striving for excellence and the more harmful kind?
Yeah, it's such a good question because we use perfectionism in everyday language as something that's actually quite good, you know, something that helps you achieve things. But from a psychological perspective, it's kind of a different thing. So healthy striving and striving for excellence is a great thing, right? Getting good achievements and high standards. Totally. But perfectionism is more about when there's such a deep underlying fear of failure and not being good enough. So the motivation is completely different. It's about trying to not feel less than. And so there's a huge amount of pressure. So it's actually not a very positive thing internally at all.
So like is perfectionism, is it kind of essentially like it's a behaviour we do to like stay safe or like if you had to put a definition to it? Yeah, that's a really good description. It is kind of a strategy that develops because there's an underlying sense of
my worth is very much tied to my performance. And so if my whole sense of worth and achievement and identity is attached to what I do, then I better do that perfectly because otherwise I'm a failure. And so, yeah, it becomes a strategy to deal with this underlying sense of
I'm just not enough. Because like, I'm sure people who've clicked into this episode obviously might be relating to perfectionism in some way. Can you share some common signs that someone might be struggling with perfectionism without realizing it? Yeah, it's a good one because we think about perfectionism as like they've nailed it. They're on top of every detail. Sometimes it can look like that. And usually there's a lot of over preparation and lots of
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What exactly is perfectionism from a psychological perspective and how does it differ from healthy striving?
0:00–5:04
2
What are the common signs of hidden perfectionism and how can listeners recognize them in themselves?
5:04–10:34
3
What are the three main types of perfectionism and how do they show up in relationships, work, and daily life?
10:34–15:58
4
How does chronic perfectionism affect mental and physical health, including anxiety, depression, and stress‑related illnesses?
15:58–21:37
5
What evidence‑based therapies (like schema and exposure therapy) help break perfectionist habits?
21:37–27:09
6
What practical, everyday strategies can listeners use to test and loosen their perfectionist beliefs?
27:09–32:55
7
How can friends and family support a perfectionist without sounding dismissive or critical?
32:55–38:27
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