How to stay calm when your child is having a tantrum!

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The Claire Byrne Show 8 min 3 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 16 hours ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Unknown 0:00
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Claire Byrne 0:31
The Claire Byrne Show on News Talk. With Aviva Insurance.
Clare Byrne 0:39
We've all been there, haven't we? Your child is having a meltdown, you're stressed out, you're reaching boiling point. So how do you stay calm? Claire Crow is a member of the Psychological Society of Ireland and is with me now. This actually brings back I think I've PTSD. In Tesco, two of them, age two and three, wanted the ma you know the magazines that they said? Oh yeah. They both decided they want them and they both lay down on the floor and started screaming. And I remember the reaction that I had I just couldn't I I could nearly couldn't breathe. How do you get them out? Drag them out on their bums, basically.
Claire Crowe 1:10
Yeah. It's it's so hard, isn't it? Yeah, and I'd say there isn't a parent in the country who can't relate to that. Um and it is that piece there you described, that really physiological response where your heart is racing and you're trying to the adrenaline's pumping, you're you're pulling or trying to distract them. It is so hard and it's also so normal. Like they're every child will do this.
Clare Byrne 1:33
But it's uh you also get judged. Like you do get judged, don't you?
Claire Crowe 1:37
Well, we wonder
Clare Byrne 1:38
about that a bit. I don't know. You always get the look from the older man or woman who basically thinks that she can't manage your children and that they're screaming because you've been pinching them.
Claire Crowe 1:49
But I but I love that because we've already decided what they're thinking. Yeah. So, you know, because they might be thinking, Oh, I've been there too love you know, we already assume that they're kind of at the judgment. But actually a lot of people in that situation are are often thinking, Oh, I'm so glad that's not me. Well, that's what I'm thinking now. I am thinking that.
Clare Byrne 2:08
Yeah.
Claire Crowe 2:08
Yeah.

Why do parents feel overwhelmed during a child’s tantrum?

Claire Crowe 2:08
There's a usually a bit more glee or compassion with it because we've all been through it. Um and you know, and it's that thing where our kids don't come with emotion regulation. They're just not born that way. And you know, uh like the research shows us, it takes us till the age of twenty six for that part of our front brain to really fully form. So it's nice to give us that permission to be like, they're not there yet.
Clare Byrne 2:31
Yeah. But they don't need to be. So what we're we're not talking about regulating them in in this situation, it's more controlling our response.
Claire Crowe 2:38
Yeah. Yeah. I have a mantra and I I think this works really well for all situations where um it's it's not you, it's not me, it's the situation. And those three sentences really work. Because they come from, you know, that idea where traditionally it was the child. So the blame was it was a bold child and you be seen and not heard. But then we moved, uh society shifted to this idea of we need to be the best parents in the world. We always need to respond in the right way, and the enormous pressure that is put on parents. That's led to this idea of God, I'm failing as a parent, I'm getting it all wrong. So we need to move from both of those perspectives and recognise actually sometimes in the moment, it's just the magazine that I want.
Claire Crowe 3:24
It's not that you're a bad mom or that I'm a bad kid. Pepper pig magazine. Yeah, but it's been placed so strategically for me to want it. But if I do that piece where, you know, um I have three kids, but my my number two is always my my biggest challenge, my my rebel and Like with her, I really find that that piece where I go, No, it's not that you're bold, because actually, you know, y she challenges, but that's okay. That's her personality.

What physiological responses trigger a parent’s fight‑or‑flight mode?

Claire Crowe 3:50
She's strong willed. And I often say to myself as well, think of her as a boy. Sometimes we're a little bit harsher on our girls.

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