Chapter 1: How did Cate and Ty's relationship evolve over a decade?
All right, it is Wednesday again and another episode of Kate and Ty Break It Down.
Kate and Ty Break It Down episode whatever. I don't even know. I don't even know what episode it is.
But it's funny because today, this episode lands on our 10-year anniversary.
10-year wedding anniversary. Yeah, 10 years married. 10 years married. We've been together 18 years. Don't get it twisted.
I know, because when I was telling Nova that today, I'm like, yeah, today is our 10-year anniversary. She's like, what? I thought it was longer than that. I'm like, it is. But we've been married 10 years together for longer.
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Chapter 2: What challenges did Ty face before his autism diagnosis?
But I feel like little kids always do that. They're like, oh, you got together when you got married.
Well, no, Nova was like, oh, I thought it was longer than that.
But we have been married 10 years.
Yeah.
I always tell her it's the age that she is.
Right.
Like you were nine months old when we got married.
Yeah, we'll never be able to forget it. She's the same age that we are when we got married.
Okay, how do you feel a decade into marriage? What are you thinking?
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Chapter 3: How did Ty's childhood experiences shape his understanding of autism?
You know what's weird is that even though the first year of marriage was hard, we already, like, technically, we were already together for so long before that.
But the first year of marriage was crazy.
It was, yeah. But I feel like the first year of marriage for most people, they're dating for a few years before that. We were dating a long-ass time.
No, we were.
Before our first year of marriage. A really long time.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. But, yeah, first year of marriage was interesting.
Yeah.
it was rough it was very rough yeah and we had rough I mean I think every marriage has its rough patches throughout the years you know what I mean how would you like categorize our rough patches like like if you could break it down like okay this was the worst that was like I think it was just a lot of the mental health stuff that sucked yeah You know what I mean?
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Chapter 4: What role does therapy play in Cate and Ty's relationship?
You feeling like you're having to be, like, a caretaker or to, like, try to fix it or, you know, whatever. Like, caregiving, whatever. What is that called?
It's called caretaking fatigue or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you wanted to take a break, and then you'd be separated because of mental health shit.
And the break was so stupid. The break wasn't even... I remember we went to that... You were suggesting we go to this... Couples thing in Arizona. It was, like, this very holistic, spiritual thing. And I remember that that's where I got, like, kind of that... Remember we were talking about that first girl we ever talked to?
Yeah.
And she was talking about these certain things, and I kept coming back to the conclusion, well, oh, we just need to separate for a minute. Like, two people as individuals, we need to separate. And not separate and break up, but, like, I get...
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Chapter 5: How has Ty's autism diagnosis impacted his parenting style?
What I got from what she was saying was like, oh, a break. And I'm like, all right. I don't know. It was hard. I got it. I understood what she was saying. But at the same time, when we executed it, I was like, this is so stupid.
I know. You like bought a whole bed and a different mattress and everything.
I was staying at the other house.
Yeah, you're staying at the other house.
Renovating the other house.
And then he would come over and spend the night all the time. Anyway, this is fucking pointless. And then he would leave and then I'd cry and be upset thinking he's going to leave me and all the things.
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Chapter 6: What insights did Ty gain from watching his daughter, Vaeda?
And it's crazy because I inside did not want to leave. But I kept telling myself, wait, though, you made this commitment. You said out loud, you're going to separate and do this 30 day thing. What? I don't know. Really? I don't know. It was a waste of time.
Well, okay, I won't say a waste of time because what it did reveal to me was, like, well, this is ā I should have followed my gut, I feel like. You know what I mean?
Follow your gut with what?
I should have followed my gut and just, like, not did it.
I mean, I don't know. When we were going through that period of time, too, with the whole separation, I remember talking to people and being like, I wonder if this is something with him, like, you have to have some form of, like ā chaos in your life for life to feel normal and natural.
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Chapter 7: How do societal perceptions of autism affect individuals?
I don't know.
Like, that's kind of how I felt during that time. And I'm like, maybe he just needs, like... Cause things were like going smooth. I was out of treatment. I was doing better, all the things. And then all of a sudden I was like, here's this now. And you're pregnant on top of it. And I was like, it was just like so, so much.
I wonder if the pregnancy triggered that thought process because in a way, because I was like, all right, like I knew that I had to dive into certain stuff when you were gone and like, okay, how do I handle? It was hard to handle my own shit inside while simultaneously feeling like I need to walk on eggshells. Cause you're a newly released,
no i get it like i didn't want to oh okay how like so i knew i had to like bring it up eventually and talk about like the feelings i was having but i i didn't want to like uh ruin any progress and it's important for you to be able to share however you were feeling or you know or whatever was going on um well it just felt like it just felt like almost like my issues weren't
like they weren't a priority or they didn't as matter as much as yours or like if i had any slight um you know like disagreement or not disagree any any slight like uh annoyed with anything it was like i was not allowed to feel that way i wasn't gonna feel frustrated i wasn't
Did you feel like I made you feel that way or was it ā It wasn't necessarily you.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of autism being hereditary?
It was more or less like ā I don't know. I think just being ā okay, being the caretaker, quote-unquote, whatever, and then feeling like, okay, I almost got to caretake you a little bit too because you just got out of treatment and you were so sensitive and vulnerable and I didn't ā I was like, when is the right time to talk about how I'm feeling? I guess.
When is the right time to talk about this?
I feel like it's a hard conversation.
It wasn't fair. You just got out. What am I supposed to do? You get out and I'm like, hey, by the way. But yeah, I didn't know when the time was right to talk about it. So I think a part of me was like, okay, we're just going to like, everything's good until, you know, eventually you just kind of like speak or whatever.
No, and I can understand. Well, because I think what I was going through at that time was very severe and was very big and huge. So I can get why you felt like, you know, that yours weren't being prioritized and stuff, which that's shitty. You shouldn't have to feel like that. You know what I mean?
But do you remember when I brought it up to you about, like, oh, this is what the therapist is saying and all that stuff, and you were, like, very, like, uh-uh. Like, I got the vibe immediately. Like, it wasā When you brought up what? When our therapist brought up, okay, this is what we should do. I can't remember what it was.
We should do certain stuff, and you were, like, just, like, immediately, like, well, that doesn't make any sense. And it was, like, it was almost like your treatmentā And your stuff was allowed and it was good and there's no reason to question it. But when I went to my therapist and brought the stuff that they brought to me back to you, did whatever, it was like met with rejection.
And that's what made me feel like, okay, maybe mine isn't as, oh, you know.
Well, I'm sorry. No, I know.
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