Cate & Ty Break It Down
ENCORE Pay-to-Play: The Marketing & Broken Promises In Adoption feat. Connor Howe
18 Feb 2026
Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What are the complexities surrounding open adoption?
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Kate and Ty Break It Down. And today, I don't know if you guys have seen his videos. I've seen his videos before I even knew him on TikTok and on Facebook. But today we have a guest and I wanted to welcome Connor to the podcast.
Also known as the Dr. Connor on every other podcast.
My name's Connor Howe.
On social media, it's Adopting Connor, which is honestly how I... I mean, I saw the video, showed it to her. And I was going to say, you started out really like... I mean, it was fast.
I feel like... It was about a year ago I started posting.
Okay, but you already have a lot of followers.
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Chapter 2: How does Connor Howe's personal experience shape his views on adoption?
Something like that, yeah.
Your content is like... I mean, it's pretty fast growing in my opinion. Yeah, I think so. A lot of people come out in this space and kind of talk about adoption. What made you want to like... use the platform for that specifically?
Yeah, that was my question. What made you decide that, okay, there's a need for talking about adoption and educating people about adoption?
Yeah, I mean, I've been kind of in this space for a long time, but just kind of as an observer, I know a lot of people who are adopted. I've listened to a lot of people's stories on podcasts and all kinds of mediums.
Chapter 3: What marketing tactics do adoption agencies use?
And for me, really, I... And it's similar to you guys. Like I was in an open adoption and I've seen so many people share their experiences about gramping closed adoptions or adoptions that don't look like mine. And I would read these books and listen to these podcasts. And not everyone was saying it, but there's a big group of people that was saying like,
You know, here's all the issues that happened with adoption in the past, past tense, but now today things are so different because open adoption exists and, you know, everything's so amazing. And I was like, well, I don't really feel like this.
You know, I'd be in these support groups of people that didn't see their parents at all growing up, have never met their parents, don't know their parents' names and like... I mean, I had a different experience than that. I knew who my mom was.
Chapter 4: How does the profit-driven nature of adoption impact families?
I've seen her. I can get into my story, but I was in an open adoption. It wasn't like I saw her all the time, but I saw her. I knew who she was. She knew who I was. And I would still feel the same feelings. I still felt no different than any of the other people that are in these support groups or speaking on these podcasts.
And I was like, I got to probably say something because people don't realize that open adoption isn't the solution that it's been presented as, basically.
Yeah.
Do you feel like you're kind of almost under ā like you're not really represented?
Chapter 5: What are the emotional challenges faced by adoptees in open adoption?
Because people are saying all these things. Oh, but open adoption. Well, I'm in open adoption. I still feel all these other shitty feelings. So it's almost like underrepresented that open adoption cannot ā it's not always ā The solution.
And that's how like they try to play it. Right. Like even for birth parents, when we went into, you know, looking to place for adoption, it was very much like open adoption is beautiful and rainbows and you're going to have all these things and your child's going to know you and not have any questions. And it's like, well, really, that's not 100 percent accurate.
Chapter 6: How do adoption agencies influence the perception of adoption?
Yeah. I mean, I make a lot of videos talking about the history of adoption and even open adoption. I don't need to get into the whole history of it here, but like it was it's really a value proposition. You have a lot of people that are thinking about parenting their children and adoption is kind of the alternative.
And when the number of people interested in adoption was shrinking and shrinking and shrinking and shrinking after Roe v. Wade. The adoption industry was like, well, we're losing money. We're not in business anymore. A lot of these industries or agencies are going out of business.
They're trying to figure out how do we continue to facilitate options because we don't want to go out of business and lose our jobs or whatever. And so kind of the next move was open adoption.
Chapter 7: What role does therapy play in understanding adoption trauma?
It wasn't really this idea of we're going to make adoptable lives better or the natural parents lives better. The adopters ā it wasn't about anyone. It was just ā it's a business. Businesses do what they need to do to survive, right? And so like that was kind of the way it was presented.
But yeah, to your point, the way that it's presented today in the industry of adoption and the world of adoption is really like a ā open adoption is the cure to all these problems. Like when I was growing up, it was like you could have been in a closed adoption and you're in an open adoption though.
And it's like I kind of have both because I'm also ā I have a dad in Ireland who I've never met and has kept me a secret from his family for my entire life. Wow. It's yeah, it's even in an open adoption with my mom.
Chapter 8: How can the adoption system be improved for all parties involved?
It's not like everything is perfect. Not to say that I'm not happy to have her and those types of things, but it's definitely not. I said this in another podcast. I feel like the experience of being a person in an open adoption is very politicized. They kind of hold you up as this poster child of like, look, he's happy and without actually ever asking if you're happy.
Did you feel the pressure from people like, oh, I should be happy?
Because I have an open adoption or because I know?
Yeah, of course. I mean I don't really think anyone in my life was like, hey, you have to feel this specific emotion. But it definitely is one of those things where I grew up and I was the only person I knew in an open adoption. I mean even today. Like you said, I've been around this world for like a year publicly and I have a few thousand followers.
I've only met like I think one person who's in an open adoption. Christina, you guys are going to talk too soon. But yeah, like it's ā there's not a lot of people ā and open adoption has been around since the 70s. It's been around for 50 years. Like it's not really as common as it's presented because the industry uses the term so broadly ā It's very broad.
It means a different thing in a different stage of life. If you're thinking about relinquishing your child for adoption, open adoption means the world. It means whatever you want it to mean. They literally ā I think when you guys were ā I saw clips from the show where it's like you are in the driver's seat. I think that's like what the exact words were. Yep.
But obviously that's not really enforceable in any way like legally speaking.
And you're not told that. Yeah.
And even in those legal agreements, they're not like ā a lot of them ā if you have a legal agreement, it's not like it's always enforceable because ā you're generally the party that with fewer or fewer, like less money, less, uh, you know, power legally speaking.
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