Chapter 1: What surprise did Joe and David plan for their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hello. Hi.
Oh.
Can you hear me? Hello. Hello. Your internet seems really bad. Hello. Hello, your internet seems really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. How's that? How's that? How's that? How's that? That's better, yeah. Yeah, what's wrong? I jumped from... Were you on your nape? We've got a booster box. Happy Valentine's Day. Talk to me about your booster connection. Super little intro to... How are you?
Yeah, happy Valentine's Day. Aren't you? Yeah. Am I? Yeah, I'm all right. I am. I can't be bothered to tell you what's going on outside. It's so boring. Yeah, I'm all right. What were we doing? Did you get flowers? I read a review of someone else's podcast, and they basically said they're sort of resting on their laurels a bit, and I thought, learn from that.
So, James, could you spunk that bit up a bit with some music and stuff?
Yeah.
Hello. Hi. Can you hear me? Hello. Hello. Your internet seems really bad. Hello, your internet seems... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. How's that? How's that? How's that? How's that? That's better, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what was up? I jumped from... Are we on your note? We've got a booster box and a... Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. Talk to me about your booster connection.
I had to.
How are you, Valentine? Yeah, happy Valentine's Day. Aren't you? Yeah, am I? Yeah, I'm all right. Now we go into it. Happy Valentine's.
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Chapter 2: What song did David write for their wives and why is he hesitant to play it?
I know it is crap. Maybe cut some of this out, James. Or spunk it up. I don't know why I'm being like this about it all. Overthinking it. Embarrassed. Or underthinking it. Just say what we're doing. We're doing... Oh, your internet. Seriously, it's doing my... What are you saying? You'll go...
that's not like that's not like me no it's not like you usually i've got four bars here i can't put i suppose you could put wi-fi baby girls nicely yeah i haven't had that in ages and it gets obviously it's a banger put that in quickly yeah
I had trouble with my wife, my baby girl. Chatting to each other. We're called chatty guys. Just a couple of guys. And that'll lift the energy to go into this bit.
Well, I'm doing speed tests. It's really good, apparently. I don't know what's going on. Is it me, then? No, I don't know. It's fine. Let's carry on. Is it you? Are you on the right? I've got to cut some of this because it's irritating me. Wi-Fi, weak security. That's not it. No, I'm fine. Mine's really good. No, you're wobbly again. Happy Valentine's.
Just say the thing and I'll ignore that you... We've bought flowers. for Nomi and Petra. Yeah, for our other halves. And I've written a song. I don't want to play it to them, just stick it at the end of the... I'm going to play it to them because I've got it on my phone. No, you haven't got the mastered version. Oh, send it to me and I'll just... No, I can't.
No, because it's just going to be them going... Yeah, I sort of want that. No, I don't like it.
i don't like it it's too long to be listening i can just picture petra's face yeah wanting to say something to kind of break the tension yeah and just wanting to go she'll be sort of listening half turn to zoom like not feeling heading out the door also feeling like are you putting this all out on the pod she'll be thinking in her head i'm not fully on board always being
I can kind of take it being in tiny bits, but I don't want to be in a six-minute segment. That'll be going on. Rightly so, because he's better than us. Because he doesn't do this for a living. So should I get, Petra's just there. Should I get Petra first? No, I don't. Okay, yeah, Nomi will get back in about 15 minutes. Yeah, let's do the Petra section. Oh, you're into this.
We have a sting, the Petra section of the Valentine's Day section.
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Chapter 3: What was the reaction of Naomi and Petra to the Valentine's surprise?
They're filming, they're recording Valentine's. No, I think she's thinking they can't get into the email or something. Just to be fair. Why don't you say that? We can't get into the email. We can't get into that email. She said, you said it all. I did? No, no, she was having fun with me. Well, you said it. Well, I've got the password here. But it's just not... I'm now tense.
Where are the flowers? So we get an immediate... Okay. Oh, that's... I think they've got to be there, ready to...
I said pass where it's made her go well I'm not going in then they can sort it out I know I was thinking that I don't know what to do now sort of oh she'll come in okay well it's not working why don't you do that well it's not working no I don't want to make it worse I want to give her sort of a reason to come in oh come here
that's a lovely surprise isn't it happy valentine yes i was literally like i can't be dealing with this this morning have a quiet morning not first thing i can't get in the emails
We've written you a song, Petra. Shut up. Yeah. Have you? Yeah. David doesn't want to play it. Oh, no, no, don't play it. No, no, it's embarrassing.
How can you write us a song and not play it?
Stick it at the end of the episode. I can't have you just going... She wants to hear it, though, to be fair. Well, OK. Well, she can't.
I have to listen to the podcast to hear it, even though you've written it bespoke.
Yeah, that seems a bit shitty. I can't. It's slightly too long and it'll get really awkward.
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Chapter 4: How did the conversation shift to David's Peloton and why was he reluctant to discuss it?
Yeah, actually, you're right, because she sort of enjoyed, there was more enjoyment of reading it out, going, yeah, he does do that, and I do do that. We know each other very well. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, come on, baby. Well, she's not going to be back for our last go. Well, don't over-egg it. How do I say it? I have sort of egged it a bit. Oh. She doesn't know. She hasn't got a clue.
She hasn't got a clue. That's nice. But how might you have egged it? Because Petra had no sense then. Do you think Naomi's going, oh, God. No. I have said a couple. She said, why were you in Ashburton yesterday? No reason. But you never go anywhere, do you? Hold on. That's all she knows. You said no reason, and she let it go? Yeah. Really?
God, that would really... She said, what are you doing in Hassex? I said to her, or she said to me, what are you doing in Hassex? And I said, oh, nothing. I don't think that would be the end of it. I think she just saw he's up to something. He doesn't want to tell me. Oh, okay. It's near Valentine's. Oh, so maybe. No, she wouldn't have had that. No way. And this morning. No, no, no.
I was thinking about when I was doing the song, I was thinking about how I would struggle without her. And then, then the song was annoying me because we were sending a lovely song, but we had to do it through jokes and, Yeah, I know. And those moments you don't do it through jokes are lovely, but they're just a bit rare, aren't they? You don't want to hear it on a pod, do you?
No, and then I just went, well, what are you doing on a fucking pod? But, no, it's nice. It's just fun. It's a bit of fun. It's just a bit of fun. A bit of fun. And, you know, we love them a load. Yeah. Yeah. And it does fill a nap. Well, it doesn't fill a nap until Naomi gets in. It obviously doesn't fill a nap, does it? No. No. She wasn't as keen to get out as I thought she would be. No.
I think she was blown away. Yeah, I think part of her went, fuck, we've got something to talk about on the set. It's all a bit vague. Do you reckon it's a worry for her going, oh, I hope it's not too Chatterpixie? Yeah. Because I imagine that's fair. Can I ask one thing? I know you said this is only a...
What did you say on the, I really made me laugh, not hors d'oeuvre, is it hors d'oeuvre you called it in chat, in Bunker Hunter, when you gave me the little bunker thing at the start? An amuse-bouche, that's what I was going to say. We haven't talked about the Palatine. No, we haven't. And I've written a song called Peloton Song.
Fucking hell, it's amazing you squeeze in enough time to write a Peloton song. I didn't have much on yesterday, so I thought I'd do a couple of songs. I'll do a quick Valentine's, a quick Peloton song.
Numb goes the cock in my pants. Numb goes the cock in my pants. Numb goes the cock in my pants. Strictly blood flow to your dick, tingly groin might sound real sick, but I can tell you that it's not good, that it's not good at all. Lift your bum right off the seat, and the end could feel real sweet, but I can tell you that it doesn't good, that it doesn't good right now.
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Chapter 5: What flowers did Joe and David choose for their wives?
Are you banging into it? Well, it's not sort of... i'm not obsessing over it you're not romishing occasionally i've thought i've got a fucking pad do you know what i thought i thought oh i'll do a peloton and then i'll press record i thought oh joe's not into it oh no so weird i can hurt you like that You're just getting on with your day. Yeah, and then it pops in my head.
I go, oh, I must not know. It's like you, if you think of wearing an orange T-shirt. Oh, Davey won't like it. Or, yeah, you go, oh, will that be a thing? Does that make me look gormless? Oh, I don't know. But you bang into it. Listen, I'm not just shoving a bit of Peloton in the Valentine's Day. Well, no, that's why I'm saying it's a namoozy-booshy.
bit that's why i said it i said this is a little because i want a little taster what are we coming into in the next Well, I got in touch with Romesh. I said, fucking hell, this, da, da, da. And he went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jamie's got in touch with me, Dimitri. Has he got one? Oh, yeah. He said, I'm 10 months in. I still absolutely love it. I'm telling you. I'm telling you.
Well, it's got to be good because it's, I hope, but it's not cheap and people are sticking with it. Yeah. Yeah. Someone got... Right, this is a bit naive. It's a bit like a computer game. Let me talk to you about it in a separate ep. You're so insistent on this. It's 17 minutes long. So insistent it says its own ep. It's so weird. Nope, I'm not telling you that. That's going in the ep.
I'm not telling you that. This has got legs. I want to get in the flow of it in a pelotonic. Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, let me talk to you about that for three minutes. No, this is fucking life changing for me. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. That's probably enough of what I was getting. That's why. Yeah. That's what I mean. You got three minutes. What do you want to know? Is it like a video game? No. I messaged Chris Hoy yesterday. I thought, I'm emailing Chris Hoy. That's a lovely thing to be able to do.
Oh, fucking hell. Did he get back? I'm emailing Chris Hoy, everyone. He hasn't replied, but I'm emailing him. Occasionally, I say something like that to my friend. I'm almost a bit embarrassed straight after because I forgot, oh, have I shown off? Oh, I know, I know. But then I go, no, hold on. I think that's quite interesting that I'm David's email, currently emailing Chris Hoy through the pod.
Well, you tell your friend that I'm emailing Chris Hoy. Well, no, that's the example that's going on at the moment. No, but if I was there, that's what I meant. If I just emailed Chris Hoy, I'd be like, I'll just email Chris Hoy because I can through the pod.
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Chapter 6: How do Joe and David feel about expressing their love through a song?
Then I went to the Instagram to see what their life was like behind the scenes. Okay, this is a 70-minute F, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. Okay. It's in your office. It's right there. I'm looking at it now. Right. This is a genuine question because I've thought about this. I thought about getting a running machine once, right? You can get a Peloton running machine. Yeah.
But two things that worry me is my office isā¦ Don't let it worry you. Just get it. Can I tell you my worries, though? Okay. It would have to go in my office. My office is quite small. I have wooden floors, so I imagine it'd be... That would be rattling through the house. That I don't know. Yeah, exactly. You've got a concrete floor in a bigger office, right?
And secondly, because I work in here a lot, do you sweat and does it then end up on the floor? It drips onto the bike, and rather than be disgusted by it, I'm actually...
uh yeah attractive not attracted i enjoy watching my sweat drip onto the bike yeah that wasn't my but then you have to work like two foot from it yeah but you wipe it down yeah but but do you see my point this is a small no i don't see your and it's like well i've got a machine there that's absolutely covered in sweat it doesn't need to be there it could be over there by the back wall didn't it yeah but that's not very far away
What? My wall is almost tucked. So you don't want to sweat in your room, is what you're saying? Well, I'm not sure I should, is what I'm saying. Because your office is big, so it's sort of airy. Oh, okay, right. Have you got another little spare room? No, not that we could just stick a... Okay, well, I wouldn't make that a reason not to get one.
Well, it's got to be able to go somewhere in your house. Yeah. So if I bought it, then I'm right. Well, some people, you know, have one, like a bed sit, and they go, I don't want to go out and ride. I think riding's better than running, because I still think you'd be like, dum, dum, dum, running. Right, yeah. Hey, let's take the pressure off your joints. Yeah, I agree. Right.
So get a Peloton bike. I think I'm going to go to a spinning class as well. No, you don't need to do that. That's the whole point. Do you understand? That's what I'm saying. That's what the Peloton is. All right. Okay. I don't want a load of that. I really want to be a salesman. Do you not get it? Do you not understand what the bike is? Yeah, but I was watching...
I came in and Petra was watching The Apprentice last night. What you said there really reminded me of what this guy nearly got lost, got fired from, because he basically in a meeting said something like that, sort of had a pop at the people he was trying to sell to because they weren't getting it. That's a massive red flag, apparently. Yeah, I can imagine. You're not getting it! LAUGHTER
I've got a feeling that's going to be said to me quite a few times. Do you reckon you'll get frustrated, Mick? Should I do some research? Let me do your research. Yeah, no, that's true. Let me be your expert. Honestly, Joe, I cannot imagine you... I've just got Naomi some shoes. I said you're going to love it. Some shoes. Bike shoes, cycling shoes. Do you need shoes? They clip into the pedals.
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Chapter 7: What humorous moments occurred during the episode related to Valentine's Day?
It really is a great big roadblock, isn't it? Because this could be. Because if we'd done just Petra, so you know me wasn't here, we'd go, fuck it, let's do the Peloton morning. Yeah. But we can't. Yeah. Naomi's going to come back. Naomi's unwittingly stopping the Peloton. Oh, she's back. She's back. Not yet. What did you hear then? Thought I had the car coming in.
Right, let me tell you what it is. Yeah, give me a little... Yeah, tell me Peloton as a whole. Okay, yeah. Okay. May I say... I have no interest in buying a stationary cycling bike. Is that for me or the public? For you and the public. So before anyone turns around and goes, oh, get on the road and fucking do it. Why do you think they'll say that? Because I've had it.
You've had it and you're fed up with it or you've had people saying it? I've had people say it. Why? Who? The Peloton? God, you're so protective of the Peloton. It's not the brand Peloton. I think Peloton will get in touch. Can you please never speak about it? I wonder if they'll put a thing out saying David is not affiliated with Peloton in any way. LAUGHTER They hate us. Or they hate me.
It's fused. And I love them. They prefer me and I know nothing about Peloton. I do less damage to the brain. Their sales just go... I just don't want to be like that guy. The Peloton?
Okay.
I've never heard you speak so passionately about anything. Because it's changed my life. It's changed my life. I can't tell. I found my exercise thing. Well, it's good. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. Tell me what it is. Yes, it is good. Even when I say good thing, you get cross.
It's because it's been simmering for a fucking month.
Yes. Sorry. I'm sorry I haven't spoken about it before. No, you're not. You're checking your emails. I'm not. I don't know why I'm moving the Zoom pictures around. You know, every movie... It's because you're bored. You start going above or to the side of each other. No, I'm not bored. I want you to tell me what a peloton is before Naomi gets her flowers.
I hope you stay in... Let me tell you what it's like to sit on a peloton. Clipped in. Put your shoes on. Yeah, okay. Turn it on at the wall. You turn the screen on. What do you mean? Turn it on at the wall. Oh, yeah, okay. I see what you mean. Sorry, yeah. The screen is like a massive iPad. Okay. Okay? You could just show me this, couldn't you? Oh, no, it's a pod. It's a pod. It's a pod. Yeah.
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Chapter 8: What is the final song played at the end of the episode, and what are its themes?
But what's that? Swish right, swish left. Okay, swish. So like Tinder and stuff, moving, like swishing. I wouldn't know, sir. I wouldn't know. No, nor do I, but you swipe left, don't you, or right? Apparently. Yeah. So you create your profile. You call yourself a name. What have you called yourself?
you just say david no i've said it now bleep that out so i don't want anyone yeah so i'm sorry to but yeah i'm not gonna say it but that's what you why did you call yourself that it's just a cure song that i like okay okay that's all right yeah You connect to Spotify? Sorry, does everyone else give themselves a palace on name? Like, not just like David or Steve or John.
Yeah, most people say, you know, building bridges. Eyes on legs would be eyes on legs. Eyes on legs. Yeah. You'll be Wilco 145 or whatever. Yeah. Naomi's back. Yeah, okay. Naomi's back. What do I do? She's your wife.
The Valentine's Day Naomi section.
bit nervous yeah i was a little bit nervous but i didn't want to say it because i thought that'd make me weird oh god i forgot um have you said please come in not yet but she normally has a little nose and when that when she sort of she'll give you a little wave and you'll go oh can you come in yeah can you come out i'll do that oh that was really good i thought you were doing it then yeah can you go
Are you doing that? No. Oh, super. Do this until the one actually, and I'll guess which one is real. No, that wasn't. No. You didn't feel that. I could tell you disappointed.
No.
No. No, you've lost it. Yeah, I know. Keep me on my first take. Please have the camera rolling. No. No. No. Jesus. It's really hard. It's not you anymore. You'll be. No, I know. Waiter. Waiter. What was that? What was that? Three, six, four. Oh yeah. If you want to enjoy. Where is she? That I believe. Yeah. She hasn't gone away. You should have just... Let me check.
Just get her in because you might have chores. Might have to go shops or something. I can't hear you. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Okay, yeah, I can. Yeah, that was a real one, right? Hello. Hi. I can see you in the reflection. Hey!
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