Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What emails are shared from the Chatabix mailbag?
it's email time now that's who the time is right now we're opening up all of the old emails now i wonder who has emailed in now and craig and stew have emailed in now and sally too has emailed in now and john and bob
Oh, oh, we're gonna read em now Oh, oh, we're gonna read em now
Testing. Testing. How are you? All right. Can I promote? Well, I'm going to promote something. Paul Sinton Hewitt's part run book is now available. You can buy it everywhere, I guess.
from the founder of part run one small step the definitive account of a run that became a global movement there you go yeah buy it because i got mine last night i'm surprised it hasn't got a little quote from you is it yeah there is on the back is there on the back yeah look there oh yeah No, there isn't, you wally. Get out there and run, Joe Wilkes. Really uninspiring.
God, that'd be so weird doing a thing for someone like that.
I know. It's like being asked to do a panel. What do you mean? Like a writing panel.
Oh, yeah.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of the Ronnie Barker letter?
Oh, God.
I want to know your thoughts.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Do you know what would be worse? If I had to do one or you had to do one and the other was in the audience? Well, accidentally. I'm going to come to your writing panel thing tonight.
You what?
I'm going to come and, well, it's in Brighton, isn't it? So me and Patrick. Welcome to Mailbag, by the way.
What would I think? Why is he going? Well, I wouldn't have told you I was doing it.
No.
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Chapter 3: What humorous quip is discussed regarding a medical operation?
Lots of giggling. Anyway, welcome to Mailbag. Happy weekend. Right, so I went into our mailbag. I had a little sniff around. At the top of the mailbag was a letter. And I had to have a little look at it because it was entitled. It was entitled. I'm not going to tell you. Do you want to hear it now or do you want to save it? Now. I can't. I can't wait. Um, okay.
I'll get, I'll get, should I give you the title now? And then we'll wait. Yeah. I think it'd be nice to let me see. Um, I don't know about waiting, but give me the time. Ronnie Barker letter. Wow. So he told you it was good. Stick around to the end of the episode to hear what that email is.
Wow. Okay.
Yeah.
Okay. Well produced, David.
Yeah. Okay.
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Chapter 4: How did a listener's littering story end in a fine?
Right. Here we go. Do you want to tell us what to do? Stop. Bollock operation quip from John Freeman.
Right.
Are we doing quip quip only ones or, uh, just don't want people to get tired of quit. I want it to be like, okay.
You want a pepper? Yeah. Quips don't want a tire quick. That's my issue. Full stop with me. Now you're saying you can't sustain 20 minutes. How do you think I feel with, with a lifetime?
Yeah. I like him so much, I just don't want to... Don't wait. Let's have a bollock operation quick. Hi, chaps. A few years ago, I had a minor operation on one of my bollocks.
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Chapter 5: What celebrity interactions are recounted in the episode?
Nothing serious, just a little exploration on the general anaesthetic.
Would you prefer if he said testicle on his testicle?
I like bollocks. No, it does lighten it. Go on, sorry. As the day of the operation approached, I started to feel a little nervous, not due to the operation, but because I convinced myself that upon regaining consciousness, there would be an ideal opportunity to make a quip about my bollocks to the first member of the hospital staff I saw.
That sounds a bit weird now I think about it, but at the time I was under a kind of quip spell. I became a little stressed. Would I be able to speak, let alone deliver a quip under such circumstances? Would I even remember the quip I'd planned? Would it be appropriate, unique? Would it raise a smile? Would we be met with stony silence?
Given that there would be no quip set up, you had to be quite sure, one sentence only. As the anaesthetist counted down, I remember thinking, say the quip, say the quip. It'll feel like only a few seconds from now until quip delivery. Darkness. I came to with a nurse standing over the bed. Groggy, struggling to think straight, I whispered, Are they both still there?
The nurse smiled, or at least I think she did. I was still off my head and said, Yes, they are, and then walked off. I had succeeded. I know you had. Although I had succeeded. What? I have to say that minutes later as I fully regained consciousness and in fact to this very day I remember remembering this makes me feel a little empty and regretful. I learned a hard lesson that day.
Quips must never be pre-planned. No matter how alluring the circumstances, since then I've quipped sure, but only spontaneously.
And if the moment has passed, I remain silent.
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Chapter 6: How does a listener create a theme tune for the podcast?
Are they both still there?
Yeah, but that feels like they're both still there. She says yes, and then you do the quip. He's thrown the ball up. She's responded, and then you've walked away. What would you have said? I don't know. Yeah, would you mind checking? There you go, top of your head.
See? You would have been great in the 70s. I think you would. Couldn't get away with that now. What about would you mind checking but something to do with your teeth or something? Make it blue. If you were to go down the blue.
We just pop a love at the end. Would you mind checking, love? There you go. Immediately grab it.
Yeah. I can't do it. You want to? Yeah, I do want to. There you go. There's something in there. Very, very attractive.
It's not. Trust me. I'm hanging on for dear life.
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Chapter 7: What lessons are learned from failed quips and jokes?
I love the bland mundane. Some are so empty and nothing. It did worry me with the build-up.
No, I wasn't worried. I was like, God, he's a good little storyteller. Yeah, he's a good... Yeah, so you think... He's pre-planned it, so it's good. Yeah. Blimey. Right.
Next one.
Yeah, just stop there.
It's from Mike. Dear Chatterbecks, Crunch Crunch, this was sent a month ago. Congratulations on your mutual wives hobby of pot making. I'm just writing because we actually have a lack of soap dishes in our house. So happy to receive them. We'll not exchange any money for them because I'm a tight ass. Actually, I live in Finland and postage will cost an arm and a leg.
So just forget about this whole thing. I do have a dressing bath.
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Chapter 8: How do the hosts wrap up the episode with listener stories?
Next time David's there, he could drop them off. Dressing bath? I cannot necessarily guarantee that it will be put on eBay, but I can't necessarily guarantee that it won't go on eBay. Anyway, have a nice weekend, every weekend, forever. Best regards, Mike. Thank you for your email. Thank you for your email. This is from Daniel Laverty from back in the winter, January.
The Celebrity Childhood Catcher. Crunch, crunch, gentlemen. I will keep it short and sweet. My childhood experiences of fame being taken to work with my friend by his mum, who was a cleaner, found a pretend cut-off finger with fake blood on display and picked it up to have a play. Then greeted by a shout of, put it down, I turned round to see the one and only Keith Chegwin.
Simple. Keith Chegwin told you to put a fake finger down. I'd write in if I'd had that.
Celebrity interactions are good, aren't they? Oh, I love them. I love them. One more? Celebrity? Celebrity in my village. Yeah. From Tim Saxby. Hello, chaps. I grew up in Brough, a small village outside Hull. One day, a rumour spread like wildfire that a certain James Bond actor was moving in. Wow. That's right. Daniel Craig was relocating to the east riding of Yorkshire.
Fortunately, I never actually saw him myself. In fact, it seems the sheer excitement of the locals was enough to scare him off entirely. And he reportedly backed out of the agreement.
Isn't this like Tom Hardy with your sister? Yeah. So much excitement. Fucking hell, there's nothing to it. Literally nothing to the story. James Bond does not move to my village. Anyone could say that.
Fair enough. Hi, David and Joe. This is from Sarah Swift Stafford, way back in October last year. Hello to you both. I've just listened to one of your mailbag episodes and hearing your sheer excitement at the thought of a chatterbiscuit sending a musical soundbite inspired me to put something together for you. I used an AI voice because I wanted a male vocal. I'm a 48-year-old woman.
Little about me, I'm a private music tutor. tutor and run my own music school, Kayster Music Tuition. I also have a YouTube channel of the same name. During COVID, I offered free online lessons for students struggling financially or mentally, and I wanted to keep that spirit alive even after things returned to normal.
I play through various learning books across several instruments, compose songs of various genres, and create royalty-free instrumental music for anyone who needs it. And I created a little theme tune for your Guess the Celebrity Age game. Sounds like a good game to be playing.
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