Chapter 1: What is the premise of this episode?
hello this is joe uh welcome to the monday vault uh in this episode james our editor is just putting whatever old depths out randomly uh don't know if it's gonna be any good or shit um but that's the chances you take some of them from the past for a bit anyway cheers
Oh, this is so weird.
Hello, mate. Are you recording? I am recording, yes. Can you explain the set-up this morning? Because I can't be bothered.
Morning, Chats and Biscuits. Yes, morning. Welcome to a new week.
Chapter 2: How do the hosts set up their recording environment?
Are you ready for the day, or is the day ready for you? What's going on? What are you doing there? Chris Evans used to say it on Virgin Radio. Okay, cool. And we're making more of an effort. And I used to go, that's a good way of looking at life. He's my guru. Chris Evans.
The healthy Chris Evans.
And I never forgot my toothbrush once. Yeah, we're starting week two of the Cockfields and we're currently sharing an Airbnb. Do you want to take over for part two of this?
Well, you were flying there, so... The fact that you shut both your eyes as you got the end of the sentence doesn't bode well.
Um, we're sharing an Airbnb that's got two bedrooms and a, like an open plan living area. I don't know what I told you that. It was a nice little detail. I don't know what I thought that's anything.
They have nice wine glasses as well here.
Just put a fucking hot pot on.
A slow cooker chili for us later. And a thank you wouldn't hurt. I'm toasty, yeah. Fucking hell, it's been cooking for 19 hours, so hope you like your chilli well done.
And so we're recording the podcast this week from our Airbnb, but because we don't know how to set up two mics into one laptop with two channels, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're doing it the way we've always done it because we know it inside out. We do it over Zoom. So Joe's gone into his bedroom and I'm in the kitchen area. On the glass table. So you're at 12 yards away from me from the door.
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Chapter 3: What humorous anecdotes are shared about gravestones?
Yeah, I can open the door and yell and you'll hear it on that mic.
You might as well do that. Hold on. Hello, David. But I'm shutting the door and going back into my bedroom.
Okay. Okay, well, let's approach this subject that is the elephant in the room. What? What are you doing? Basically... Yeah? Yeah. Someone put on my Discord that you make too many nose noises. I do, yeah, yeah. No, I agree with that.
No, can I tell you how no? Because as I was waiting for you, I went... And I was like, that's not right.
Have you always got a runny nose? Yeah, I think so. Okay, well, let's have a listen to this compilation of Joe's nose. That's quite good, isn't it? Joe's nose. Joe's nose. Okay, let's have a listen. Compilation. Here we go.
Wow.
That's from one episode. No. Yeah. You'd think that would be over a series.
That sounds like I'm in a lot of trouble. Do you know what I mean? Sounds like I am, all right. No, but it sounds like I'm stuck or something. You know, like that 28 days where the guys... Yeah, I mean, it was cut together. That wasn't just one little attack. Imagine there's a bit in one of the podcasts where I'm just going... May, just want to... Oh, God. It's really distressing.
LAUGHTER Can they hear that properly?
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Chapter 4: What insights do the hosts provide about their filming experiences?
I'm not. This is definitely... There's a bit around here that's really wet. There.
There.
Built for the podcast world you are.
I was going to say, this makes me a terrible podcaster. That's basically a breakfast one. I've got no interest in being a good podcaster. Does that bother me at all? Didn't it? No.
Well, it does, obviously. Remember, you don't just isolate this to the podcast world. You take this onto set, into petrol stations.
Yeah, no, it's true. I'll aim to do better.
How? Gabbing your nose. I will... Every so often. I'll try not to breathe. Oh, dear. Oh, God. That didn't go down as well as I thought it would. No, no, I don't know.
LAUGHTER
let's have a look at the chart position that won't cheer me up no you told me what it was last night it's really depressing oh god yeah it is isn't it it's rubbish just means we were if we're not going oh listen to it listen to it like it then no one cares well hold on but when we were when we didn't put any out we were 90 something and then we we started putting it out it's 162 We're 146. 146.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts address listener feedback during the episode?
Can we get them on ours? Do you reckon they'd come on ours? Do you reckon off their chops they'd come on ours and we could discuss being level peggings? I love the fact we're not discussing them. I feel quite low. Neither do we. We usually comment on stuff. That just went, drifted past. I feel really low. Do you know what's annoying as well?
I've had to stand because I'm worried about my mic position, but I can't touch my mic. And then I've had to keep my legs quite far apart. So I'm at the right height.
That's what they do on Off Our Chops.
Off Our Chops.
Oh, fucking hell.
So we're next to Off Our Chops.
Yeah.
That's okay. Okay. Okay, we'll climb up. Let's make this week's... podcast um podcasting not depressing yeah end it by going fucking hell are we going to stop this we're going to stop doing this yeah okay well let yeah let's not do any of that oh that's why i like your chris evans start Oh, brilliant.
Okay. Anything you want to talk about?
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Chapter 6: What are the hosts' thoughts on their podcast's chart performance?
I don't know why I feel like that. I just think it sounds boring. I don't know.
We'll find out. Let's talk about it and then find out if it's dull. Yeah, it does feel dull because I don't... Actually, yeah, I agree, sadly.
So we've been filming with Nigel Havers, Sue Johnson... Why do I get so bored? I think it's because it feels like a little bit of a humble brag. Right. Like, oh, look what we're doing. No, but we... And then I think, why do you think it sounds like humble brags? No-one gives a shit about television. God, you're torn, aren't you?
Yeah.
Why can't I just talk about it?
Just go and have a look at my chilli. That'll cheer you up. Have you not got a problem with any of it, then? Yeah, of course I have. I just don't keep saying it.
I bury it down nice and deep. Why? Because you started the Chatterbix series with loads of truth. Now you're getting all coy.
Well, yeah, because I've probably realised that even opening up is embarrassing. There's nothing that's not embarrassing. Well, you've got to open up. There's nothing that's not embarrassing, is there? Well, did you say your gravestone was going to say, well, that was embarrassing?
Yeah, God, that was embarrassing. Yeah, I walked through a churchyard yesterday and I was looking at all the little gravestones. Don't say it like that, all the little gravestones. Yeah, I just thought, yeah, I am going to have God, that was embarrassing.
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Chapter 7: What lighthearted discussions arise regarding loud cars?
She went, oh my God, look at that. Rosemary Pritchard. So who's Rosemary Pritchard? She went, I told you about Rosemary Pritchard. I went, no. She went, yes, I did. She was the lady that got in the back of a transit van with loads of boys and went back to some house on an estate and fucked them all. Apparently my sister was there, there or thereabouts, because she knew the boys.
She was driving the van. They were all about sort of 17, 18. And Rosemary came downstairs, like, smoking a fag. How old's Rosemary? She would have been about 50. Oh, fuck. She came downstairs smoking a fag. This would have been like 83, 84. Said, you're disgusting. And there she was.
And she went, oh, oh, oh.
She sort of hobbled off down the road. By the way, tuck your slip in. What an aggressive 17-year-old. But that's mad, isn't it? She got in a transit van, and about four or five 17, 18-year-olds, one by one, went in. Anyway, the point was, we were standing right by her grave. The point was, I was talking about a dead person.
Yeah, and it said, Dear Lovely Grandma, or something like that. Loving Grandma, Rosalie Pritchard. Bangs like a shit house door in the window. LAUGHTER Imagine if the grave actually said a bit of truth. It would say a little bit of truth. That's true. That's good. It was actually a bit of a knob. Could be a knob. Could be a knobhead when drunk.
Yeah. Yeah, God. Gary Darcy died in a motorbike accident. Knobhead.
LAUGHTER
Well, fucking hell, it'd be refreshing.
Yeah.
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Chapter 8: How do the hosts conclude their episode with reflections?
To the distance like that. Oh, God. God, I started... I was with Naomi driving through Totnes last Saturday with the windows down with really loud music playing. Really? She said, can you please turn it down?
I'll tell you a weird one. As I was walking to the station the other day, a young lad in quite a cool soft top was playing The News really loudly. The news? Yeah. BBC Radio 2 News. Oh, right. It was basically saying some mundane bit of news, but really loudly. Oh, God.
That's funny.
Bit of an odd lad. Yeah, if you do that, can you let us know why you do it? Because I'm sure there's a valid reason. I thought you were asking me why.
No, no, no, no.
If you drive your car, if you've made your car very loud and you drive past people with it very loud, can you just write in and go, do you know what?
I've suddenly thought about me when I used to play music quite loud in the car. Well, you did it. I just sniffed into the moment. Oh, God, yeah. I think there was a part of me that was like, just wanted to tell everyone, yeah, I like good life by inner city, and so should you. Oh, God.
That's horrible. What song did you play?
What song would you play very loudly? What, when I was younger? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't know, it'd be The Cure or something. But going through Top Ness, it was this. But I'm 47.
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