Chapter 1: What remedy does Mark Simmons use to fight off colds?
Hi.
Hi. Well, I'll tell you what I was going to say. Mark Simmons on his podcast, you know Mark Simmons' podcast, he said this thing years ago about how he never has a cold. Because he uses this stuff called First Defense. Yeah. So I started getting a cold about four to five days ago. So I bought this First Defense and I shot it on my nose. And it literally...
killed the germs and i've done it every day but then i've realized i've now got the cold anyway but
Chapter 2: What makes Mark Simmons' one-liners unique?
It's like this poison you put up your nose. But you're ill. I know, that's what I'm saying. I've realised why I'm now ill. So it hasn't worked. But I stayed, kept down at bay for four days because the rest of me... You might have been at bay for four days without.
Yeah, I know, that's my point as I sat down.
Right.
Yeah, go on. We've got a shout-out.
Chapter 3: Can Joe and David come up with their own one-liners?
I forgot to say we've got a shout-out on Mark Simmons' podcast when he was doing his Edinburgh one. Did we? Yeah, because we'd been talking about it and someone mentioned it.
Oh, right. I always watch Mark Simmons on YouTube. Must be my algorithm. I've watched a few and I keep getting Mark Simmons. I get Mark Simmons as well. It's good though. I like it. It's like a little minute and you know it's always something funny going to happen.
But I'm really into like thinking about his fucking joke collection that he can does a joke about any fucking topic. Or he thinks of a joke, you know, someone saying, they do a section and he puts that on the internet. Can we try? So to explain, Mark Simmons is, what do you call that kind of... One-liner. One-liner. But he does a section in his gigs where he says...
Tell us your hobby and I'll do a joke about it. And it's fucking mental how he thinks of the joke every time.
The thing is, Mark's been doing it 15, 20 years.
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Chapter 4: How does Mark Simmons create jokes on the spot?
I haven't, so I can't do it.
Don't get your back up. I'm just saying, we're talking about him still. Let's just focus on Mark for a second. It's impressive.
It is impressive, but he's put the work in, in the background.
Yeah, but that's what makes it impressive. That's the impressive bit about it.
Yeah, it's impressive. It's impressive.
You're not saying, oh, Usain Bolt's fast, isn't he? Well, yeah.
Well, he is fast.
Well, yeah, is he, though? Because he's actually giant. Yeah, but he's naturally quick as well. Well, so is Mark, probably. But he's just got quick fucking. Well, we're running. So I'm just saying that I still go, fucking, I just thought about a joke about Paragon.
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Chapter 5: What hobbies do Joe and David share?
Yeah, no, it's amazing you can just pull it out of his arse.
Ask me what my hobby is, then. What's your hobby? Running.
That was quick.
There you go.
That wouldn't get a laugh. That would get what? That was quick. Oh, it's good. That was good. Fucking hell.
I like that you're impressed. I am. Daddy's happy. But you said it and then froze. Like, is that good enough? Give me another. I'm confident. Okay, paragliding.
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Chapter 6: How do Joe and David evaluate their own joke writing?
Here we go. No, no, I've got one. You don't say that, you just say it. I had an idea to go paragliding, but it was a little bit up in the air.
Oh, yes, yes, yes. This is great. Oh, my God. Don't say I got one beforehand. Oh, my God, cricket.
Cricket.
That question just bowled me over. Yeah.
That question wasn't a question, was it?
No, no, that bit. Oh, that hobby always bowls me over. That's what I should have said.
I was sure about that. I'll give you it. I'm a bit stumped, actually.
There we go.
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Chapter 7: What insights do Joe and David share about being comedians?
Oh, my God. I can't believe you've done three of the bows. No, they're not amazing. They're pretty...
Fucking hell, I thought the third one was incredible. What was that? That stumped me. Yeah, that stumped me.
I like the confidence. The overconfidence. Imagine going on stage, though, saying, this is what I do. Fucking hell, insane. Christ, that, I wouldn't be, give me another one.
I like doing up cars.
Yeah, see, so I can say Mark would look at you.
It's definitely, well, I'm not trying to pick it, but he goes, obviously, they give themselves thinking time. Doing up cars.
Yeah, I'll go. I'm struggling now. I'm going through the gears here.
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Chapter 8: How can listeners learn from Mark Simmons' comedic style?
They're not good, though, are they? I don't think I'll be booting.
Honestly, they're not bad. I honestly was expecting this. Cars, cars, cars. Car for the kids.
Yeah. Keep churning out this rubbish. You give me the boot.
No. Go with your first. No, not no, actually. No, I'll speak for everyone. I'll say no.
Then they're back. No. I'll give you one. I like playing tennis. I'll back at you.
Fucking hell, Mark.
And I say that was amazing, but it was a backhanded compliment.
Oh, God. Oh, this is thrilling. It's like finding out I can speak a foreign language. Isn't it? I might tell Nomi. You can speak French, but I can do this. Wow. Oh, amazing. That was good fun. I haven't finished yet. Why were you going to stop? Well, because I've got... I'm not a fan of this. Oh, God. Honestly, do you know why I stopped? Because I went light-headed, because I got all excited.
Oh, I feel a bit clammy. I made myself ill by getting excited. Yeah.
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