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S14 Ep 734 Vault Mondays: Guest - Ricky Gervais

17 Nov 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.622 - 65.343 Joe

hello this is joe uh welcome to the monday vault uh in this episode james our editor is just putting whatever old depths out randomly uh don't know if it's gonna be any good or shit um but that's the chances you take some of them from the past for a bit anyway cheers Hello. Hello. Oh, you're video's on. How you doing?

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67.866 - 68.706 David

Genuinely tired.

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69.127 - 71.589 Joe

Me? Me too. I'm fucking exhausted.

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72.27 - 72.53 David

Yeah.

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Chapter 2: How do Ricky Gervais and the hosts feel about their exhaustion before the interview?

73.531 - 75.393 Joe

Oh, God. Glad you said that.

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76.093 - 76.253 David

Yeah.

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76.273 - 78.195 Joe

Well, I'm not glad because I wish you weren't tired.

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79.756 - 80.637 David

We're all going to be tired.

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81.718 - 85.041 Joe

Just because it's later in the day that we're recording it.

86.062 - 86.883 David

I look pasty.

88.104 - 90.366 Joe

I think it's the bulb rather than you.

90.937 - 91.338 David

Yeah.

91.678 - 96.745 Joe

A very bright bulb. We've got... I'm absolutely loving those bulbs.

Chapter 3: What insights does Ricky Gervais share about his career and success?

115.729 - 143.1 Joe

We've got one of the biggest stars in the world coming on today. And we're exhausted. That's terrible. He is one of the biggest stars in the world. Here he is. And we're both knackered. Here he is, man of the moment. Oh. Come on. Here he is. Yeah. Look at that.

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143.637 - 148.705 Ricky Gervais

Well done. How do you feel? Congrats, you've landed the big boy. Well done.

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149.747 - 154.755 Joe

Yeah, we better go up the fucking charts after this.

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154.776 - 162.989 David

How are you? Yeah, good. You comfortable? Well, the chair's a bit squeaky. No, I mean in our company.

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163.009 - 168.919 Ricky Gervais

Oh, yeah. It's a shame that this isn't visual, is it? This is just audio when you put it out.

169.203 - 170.545 Joe

We can pop out the video if you want.

170.565 - 187.869 Ricky Gervais

Well, I'd rather not, but I just think it's a shame. When I'm not on it, I think people should be clear what you look like. Because I remember you tweeted a little picture of you just before Christmas when sort of, I think Joe had a few Christmas decorations and David didn't, and there was a screenshot of you two.

188.47 - 197.843 Ricky Gervais

And as I was scrolling down Twitter, I thought that was an article about taxpayers' money going to parties in a pedo wing that

Chapter 4: How does Ricky Gervais describe his experience with fame?

197.823 - 220.214 Ricky Gervais

And then I looked and went, oh, no, I know those two. In fact, I'm good friends with those two. I thought I looked all right. And also, you think, oh, let's just put out the audio so they don't know what we look like, so it's not off-putting. But you actually sound ugly and like you smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do.

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220.234 - 224.64 Ricky Gervais

I hear your voices and I think, oh, if I didn't know you, I think they stink.

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225.262 - 230.267 Joe

All my confidence is gone.

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230.487 - 231.268 Ricky Gervais

You didn't have any.

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231.949 - 234.672 Joe

Neither of you had any confidence.

235.232 - 242.479 Ricky Gervais

I think I did smell today. I tweeted a picture of Gittens today and said you can almost smell him.

243.12 - 248.466 David

I've got a personal trainer coming. Really?

248.526 - 254.037 Joe

Good. You're going to break him, aren't you?

254.118 - 260.375 Ricky Gervais

No, the thing is, you've always been quite sporty, haven't you? And then you just sort of like gave up cricket and that was it.

Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes does Ricky Gervais share about his early career?

281.843 - 296.851 Ricky Gervais

And it was a camera angle. I mean, he meant to look shit, obviously, right? And it was perspective. And he had a big old nan's arm, right? The perspective, it was just a big white hammer. What David had. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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296.952 - 299.136 Joe

He looked like... Oh, yeah, yeah.

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299.156 - 307.953 Ricky Gervais

And he... He looked at the monitor and he was crushed. He was crestfallen. And he stopped eating bread for a couple of months, didn't you?

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308.133 - 311.64 David

I think that was like 18 months between the second series and the Christmas special.

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311.921 - 327.866 Ricky Gervais

Yeah. So... And you'd stop playing cricket and you'd hit your ankle or something and you popped on the pounds. I did. I... I, yeah... You lasted longer than me, though, because I got fat at about 32, I reckon. My 30s were my eating years.

328.067 - 330.329 David

But you got sexy around 47.

331.911 - 338.779 Ricky Gervais

Yeah, well, not sexy, but I got thinner for about a minute. I'd love to get sexy.

338.799 - 343.665 Joe

You got barrel-chested for a while, if I remember. Oh, right.

343.725 - 349.754 Ricky Gervais

David, do you remember in the read-through, Yeah. For, uh, uh, afterlife three.

Chapter 6: How does Ricky Gervais feel about the pressures of stand-up comedy?

352.018 - 374.577 Ricky Gervais

And, uh, we were all there. Right. And I went over to Joe and I went, Oh God, have you lost weight? Uh, I said, you look great. You've lost weight. And Joe went, Joe went, have I? I went, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then David, across the room, right, in a different conversation, pulled his little mask down and went, sorry, did he just pretend not to know that he'd lost weight?

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374.597 - 375.919 Ricky Gervais

And then it was all off, wasn't it?

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375.959 - 378.302 David

And then it was... Why did you do that, Joe?

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380.405 - 389.298 Joe

I genuinely can't go through this again. No, just, like, I was just... What, why did I, why did I, why would anyone, why are you trying to lose weight at the moment?

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389.538 - 400.216 David

To look sexy. Yeah, exactly. Well, I did... Just say, yeah, I'm John, I look sexy, everyone. Well, no, you... It's... Fucking hellfire.

400.617 - 422.331 Joe

This is going off the tip. Well, when I joined... Because I was getting loads of shit for you, but then... Then I joined the first day on Afterlife and three or four, walking to set, three or four people came up to me and said, David said you're trying to lose weight because you've got to take your top off.

422.351 - 422.451 Ricky Gervais

Yeah.

422.472 - 426.439 Joe

On a different show. On a different show, I'd like to point out. And I was like, what?

426.639 - 428.743 Ricky Gervais

Didn't you have to go on the beach in...

Chapter 7: What does Ricky Gervais think about the evolution of comedy?

445.175 - 452.364 Joe

And it was obviously rattling around in his head. He said, because you've got to take your top off in that beach scene, which was about seven months away.

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452.524 - 454.266 David

We're all tied in, though.

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454.467 - 459.393 Joe

No, we didn't tie in. You tied it in. It's a huge fucking difference.

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459.834 - 472.515 Ricky Gervais

If you've seen that documentary, is it... Pumping Iron with Arnold Schwarzenegger. He misses his dad's funeral because he's got a show in six months. Why? What do you mean? Why didn't he go?

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472.796 - 474.138 Joe

He wouldn't miss a training day.

474.319 - 479.268 Ricky Gervais

Yeah, he couldn't miss a training day. We're very similar in that. So that's what Joe was thinking.

479.328 - 494.793 Joe

He was thinking... This is such a load of bollocks. Because it got such momentum. And then you made it weirder, but on the day that I had to take my top off, you just didn't say anything. So I had it in the back of my head going... That's clever.

495.214 - 497.658 Ricky Gervais

That's really... That's exactly the right way to play it.

498.179 - 499.08 Joe

Yeah, play it.

Chapter 8: What are Ricky Gervais's plans for future projects?

521.341 - 524.307 Joe

Well, you'd been talking about it for about 30 months.

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524.287 - 526.45 David

I was looking at your body a lot.

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527.191 - 533.338 Ricky Gervais

So, Joe, how heavy were you at your heaviest then?

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534.46 - 538.124 Joe

My heaviest, about 16 stone.

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538.144 - 548.117 David

Someone showed a picture of you from two years ago wearing a T-shirt, and you look pretty heavy. Yeah, but the thing is, right...

548.705 - 569.228 Ricky Gervais

You could carry that. I didn't ever think, oh my God, Joe's a big fat bloke. No, I never did. No. And also, how much have you lost? Three stone? Four stone? I'm about 13 and a half now. See, again, obviously you are fit and you've got to take your shirt off to show it because the beard and the hat and everything hides it all.

569.248 - 571.63 Joe

So you're saying it's fucking pointless.

571.65 - 582.345 Ricky Gervais

Well, to me, you still look a bit like giant haystacks, right? And I don't think of what your size. It's the beard. All the other problems. The beard and glasses.

582.806 - 587.954 Joe

What I'm saying is you might as well go fat. You might as well go fat. Yeah, I know. I'm feeling that.

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