Chapter 1: What emails are featured in this listener's mailbag?
Yeah, it's email time now. That's who the time is right now. We're opening up all of the old emails now. I wonder who has emailed in now. And Craig and Stu have emailed in now. And Sally too has emailed in now. And John and Barbara Oh, oh We're gonna read them out Oh, oh
welcome to mailbag happy weekend happy friday and if you want to send any any uh anything into us send it to chatavix yahoo.com anything we've spoken about anything that's going on in your life anything at all related and unrelated thank you so much can i also say thank you for some lovely crunch crunches recently yeah oh really just one guy one guy ran past me
And he had his headphones on because then he goes, I'm listening to it now. Wow. I'm listening to it now. And he said it quite loud because he obviously was listening to it quite loud. That must be so weird for him. That's what my friend said. That must be so weird. It must be odd for him. Yeah. Running past you when he's listening to you. Really weird.
He didn't seem that weirded out by it, actually. He just went, I'm listening to you now. Crunch, crunch.
Anyway. Anyway. This is from Lewis and was sent in this morning. Hi, David. Hi, Joe. Joe's stance on gaming. You find gaming childish and weird. Come back to this debate when you've slain an orc, a giant, and a couple of goblins in the space of an afternoon like I have. And then you'll realise the heaps of pleasure in computer gaming.
Yeah.
I am rolling in e-gold. I'm like what Ikem Barlow is to Corrie. But in the world of medieval fantasy role-playing games, Lewis, 5'1", 12 stone.
Where's this height and weight thing come from?
We said, can you just give us five sort of bland...
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Chapter 2: What are the pros and cons of moving to Bath from Australia?
Oh, he's fun. I like Lewis.
Now, I've got to read this because me and Naomi have been looking at Bath again. To live? Don't worry, we're just having a nose.
Oh. Just having a nose. Don't worry. Oh, I'd like you to live in Bath.
This is from Mark Davis. Moving to Bath. Crunch, crunch, David and Joe, 740 episodes. Wow. About that, no one's actually... I was cracking up at Joe moving house a whole two miles as the crow flies.
It's funny about that.
What?
It's funny about that. Let it go. Yeah, good luck, Joe.
Meanwhile, my young family and I have completely uprooted our lives and moved... wow from sunny australia to guess where bath whoa yes it's bloody lovely especially the cricket pictures pitches oh no crocodiles no snakes no sharks absolutely no spiders capable of killing a chicken in one bite Listening to Canal Thursdays while strolling the waterways has been an absolute treat.
I keep hoping to spot Georgie. She'd get a nod, a crunch crunch, maybe even a quick chat about blacking the hole. or surviving the long, damp, soul-draining winters. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to meet yet another chatter fan lurking by a towpath. Anyway, loving the pod, Joe's water obsession, the canal talk, and especially the episode where you both pretended you might one day buy a narrowboat.
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Chapter 3: How do David and Joe view computer gaming?
Do you?
Yes.
Yeah, definitely. Fucking hell. Honestly, so we... Oh, it doesn't matter. No matter. Well, the next chapter of life, when my boy's growing up, we'd like, do we stay here? Mm-hmm. Or do we go to a slightly, you know, busier, that they might like growing up as teenagers?
Boss is wonderful.
I know. It's not too big. It's not too small. No. I really love it. We're going there. Did I tell you we're going there for Christmas? No. Oh, yeah.
Very nice indeed. Let's go back a few months.
This was sent in October. Hello, lads. Just a quick mail. I was browsing social media and came across a tabloid post about the traitors, specifically Joe. Not much to it apart from a comment someone made. I'm absolutely creasing at the thought of David's reaction to this comment and Joe's reaction to David when he reads it.
And he's put, celebrity traitors stars shock after show boss... Oh, yeah, all that, yeah. Thank you for your email.
Was it one of those fake... yeah there was one the other day that said uh i spent 20 grand on clothes i know well that's never gonna happen i picked the wrong guy there to lie about funny i didn't get much heat um thank you for email i like the newer ones with the facts please don't forget to put facts about yourself yeah funny anything
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Chapter 4: What is the difference between VODing and VLODing?
Do I get it wrong that much? How often do we fucking talk about... Vlodding.
Vlodding. Is it vlodding? Vodding.
Vodding is video and podding. Vlogging is video and blogging. Where would the L even come from? What's vlogging then? What's vlogging? Video and blogging. Like a video diary. Vodding is video and podding. What would vlodding mean? Video and lodding.
I don't know what vlogging is. I don't understand. How do you video? I can't give a fuck. God, it's weird. I'll tell you what is weird. When you read out Joe and then leave a beat, it's fucking horrible. I know. Where's that going?
I know.
Yeah. But fair enough on that one. Thank you for your email.
Thank you for your email. I did send it. Thank you for your email. This is from Alan Fresco.
How long ago?
September this year. Two of my daughters are five years and five days apart. One has her birthday on the 7th of Feb, one on the 12th. If my wife or I happen to mention this to someone, typically in the context of the first half of Feb is a bit crazy because of birthdays, and they express surprise at them being close together, I take the opportunity to roll out my favorite quip.
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Chapter 5: What humorous quips are shared about birthdays?
That's it. Yeah, it's good.
It's very good.
Very good.
This brings me great amusement. My wife doesn't find it as funny as I do. For the record, it's not 100% accurate as the father of three small children. This sometimes happens. Do I see it?
Yeah.
Does he put the... Or did you add that? He said, could you add the... I'd fucking love it if he had.
I wonder how often they do do it.
Write in. If only we could reply.
Can you email in if you're in a relationship, just say how often you do it. nothing more than that and be honest oh okay now he's gonna write in with that oh loads please just say we do it we'd be married we do it please Oh, you might like this. It's from Neil Pyle. This was sent back in the summer. Neil Pyle? Yeah. Crunch chaps, I once saw the red mist and acted upon it. Oh, great.
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Chapter 6: What happened when a neighbor's car disturbed the peace?
Joe. Sure, pal, what do you need? Me. Denise says you leave the car ticket going. Honestly, I'm fucking loving this.
Yeah, me too. I want more Red Mist stories, but then I don't know if I do. There's one of them I'll re-pick. Go on.
Denise says you leave the car ticking over every morning. It's very loud and wakes her up and Derek, our dog, kicks off. Fucking hell, this is Joe. Fucking hell, you the cunt that went to the council.
what that's what it means it had multiple noise complaints already me don't call me a joe and no first i heard about it was this afternoon when den asked me to have a word joe you around here all the same always moaning about something me that's twice now call me a and again and i'll twat you I come out and ask you politely not to be an arsehole and you react like this.
Just fucking stop with the car in the morning, you prick. At this point, I walk away and Denise is still in the garden and I'm pacing the living room, blood pumping. Joe to Denise, tell that cunt if he comes back out, I'll rip his other fucking leg off. At this point, I may need to divulge the information. I'm an amputee.
Oh, my God.
Denise... Fucking hell, he said that! Denise passes on Joe's last correspondence. I see the red mist. Next thing I know, I have Dave in a headlock. LAUGHTER And I've got a couple of punches in before another neighbour pulls me off. I broke two knuckles on his head.
LAUGHTER
He came over about 20 minutes later, still bleeding on the arm, eyes starting to swirl and apologized. He stopped with the car. Relations are still frosty, but we're on nodding terms. Fucking hell. Wow. Great.
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Chapter 7: How did the hosts respond to a listener's red mist story?
Okay, here we go. This is from Joe. Wow. 20th of December last year. Hi, guys. Long time Chatterbiscuit and patron here. Ever since your episode a few weeks ago about the book of quips, I've started to wonder whether I quip. I've realized that I do a lot. I'm not sure I did in my pre-Chatterbix life. An example of one is from just now. I dropped my car into the garage for its service.
About six or seven mechanics were still in a circle in reception. They waved me in, and what I assume is the lead mechanic behind the desk said, don't worry, I'm just telling them off again. To which I responded, what do you reckon he said? It's as bad as it gets.
Are you going to spank him or something?
Oh, God, not again. So he said, don't worry, come in. I'm just telling them off again. To which I responded, oh God, not again. Do you know what? I might say that. What? I might say that in the moment. Well, you'd say again. You'd repeat again.
Yeah, because let me explain what's happening there. He's quipping. Here we go. What's happening there is he's quipping. So there's this sort of light heartedness. And then to join in the overwhelming need to join in, you'd go, well, not again. And then it'd be like, I can see it.
What would you say? Don't worry. I could imagine saying it was my point. Don't worry, come in, I'm just telling him off again.
Because he's being jokey.
I think he's a bit classier.
No, I'm telling you, I can see myself doing the same thing.
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Chapter 8: What special tribute is made for Adam in this episode?
He's already quit joking. Oh, not again, because it's like there's a bunch of adults being told off. Yeah. I can see it.
If you were on like, I can't think of the word. If you were on fire, sorry, what might you say? Don't worry, come in, I'm just telling him off again.
I've got literally nothing. I can't win here. Well, it's hard, isn't it? Because he's already sort of half quipped.
Do you know, I think I would have said, oh, God, not again.
Yeah.
Sounds about right.
Yeah, you're joining in. You're telling him, I'm enjoying your quip. That's the purpose. It's basically saying... See, you do know a lot about quips. You've just... I've just won you over. You have. Even when I think I'm not good, I'm good.
Don't worry. Come in. I'm just telling you off again.
Not again.
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