Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What incredible stories are shared in this episode?
Hi. Hi. So it just sounds like we're not getting on, but we've just spoken to each other for 15 minutes.
Are we recording? How are we recording? Because I sent you a link. Did you? I thought I did it. What? Send you a link.
Chapter 2: How did a shooting star lead to a magical moment?
No, I just went on the one I just did. Oh, no, you didn't. You did it. Welcome to One In A Million.
Weird stories. Weird stories that blow your nut. Stories that spin your gut. Jaw-dropping moments that burst your brain. They'll never ever happen again Sort of spooky True tales will spin you out Wild Swiss, the little maze, no doubt. One in a million. I got a story about a gopher shit just fell from up above and then it landed in my ass crack. One in a million.
I got a story about a wallet that was found in a Greek camping site by a maid. Well, how about that? Good stories.
Oh, oh.
Stories that blow your nut. Stories that spin your guts. Stories that you're dropping. Moments that burst your brain.
welcome to one in a million show the show what i don't know no doubt people are going to be crawling all over all over trying to turn it into a tv show i clearly that's
Yeah, don't nick it, anyone. One in a million. God, really confident people want to nick it and make it for telly suddenly. Why are we doing that? Is it because it's gone all right on Instagram? Yeah. That's exactly the reason. Fucking hell, arrogant.
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Chapter 3: What awkward situation occurred during a haemorrhoid check?
No, it's not arrogant. You just look at the data.
Right, here we go. Can I tell you one story about data? Yeah. About 20 years ago, my friend Danny said, he was talking like this, and he said data instead of data.
Yeah.
And he's been known as Danny Data for 20 years. He'd go, hello, Danny, Danny Data. Okay. So. If we said it's one in a million, we'd do it one in a million.
Yeah. Yeah. This is from Joe. This is my one in a million. I think about it all the time and often doubt it happened. I have to go back and ask the other person involved to double check. Back in 2016, on the night of my wedding, my wife and I were sitting drinking in an outside hot tub on the Isle of Skye. It was a clear night with no moon, so stars were glorious.
We were chatting away with this kind of world is our oyster feeling in the air. I suggested in a jokey way that I was feeling magical and could summon a shooting star, which my wife rolled her eyes. I counted down from five dramatically and pointed my finger to the sky sharply on naught and the biggest shooting star I'd ever seen in my life lit up the sky. Blazed above us.
An absolute perfect timing. For a moment, I genuinely thought I'd unlocked some kind of superpower and I stared in amazement at my hands. I hadn't. One in a minute. I'll let you be the judge.
Yeah, just a bit.
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Chapter 4: How did a camping coincidence lead to a romantic connection?
You went like this. I like it. I like it. It is amazing. I like watching you battle with it is amazing and why am I not feeling it?
I think we've had one like that before. Oh, Big Bum sent one in. Big Bum sent in a meteor one.
You can't beat a Big Bum meteor.
No, but he got there first. Thank you. That really is one in a million. This is from Chelsea. My one in a million is when I was pregnant with my first child, I suffered terribly with hemorrhoids. It got so bad I had to go to the doctor to get some ointment in order to shrink them. At the time, I had a male doctor who asked if I wanted a female chaperone in the room.
whilst he examined me i said i would yes and proceeded to remove all my clothes from the waist down lay on the bed with my knees tucked to my chest oh god i've done this have you i told you this enough oh my god i don't know that i'll tell you me no but yeah as close as possible in order to give the door that's not the door to the doctor
Whilst in this most vulnerable position, the female chaperone walked in, peeked around the curtains and said, Hiya, I'm going to be here while the doctor has a look at you. Is that okay? As I turned around to look at her to my horror, the female turned out to be my ex-boyfriend's mum. She asked me how I was doing.
That's going to get reported back, isn't it?
She congratulated me on my pregnancy. As you can imagine, I wasn't in the mood for chit-chat. So I buried my face in the rough tissue they used to cover the bed. That's a one in a million.
Yeah, one in a million. I don't care. It's not one in a million. What's great about that is you go, she's going to know her, the person.
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Chapter 5: What hilarious incident happened during a pool game?
Who is she? And I think ex-boyfriend's mum is pretty hard to beat.
Fuck, that's mad, isn't it? With those lumps coming out of your bum. It's one in a thousand, but it's great fun. So you've done that?
I must have told you.
No, you didn't tell me you had to pull your knees to your chest.
I don't remember that. Like, I thought I had a hemorrhoid. And I went to the doctor. He was quite young. I don't know why that was a problem. Were you on Countdown? At the time. So, well, this is my point. I sort of went... I went in, basically, doctor put a finger up my ass with a blue glove on, said, yeah, you do have a hemorrhoid. Basically, it's not, you know. What position were you in?
I think I was lying on my side, yeah.
She had her knees up to her chest.
Yeah, but you're on your side and you're kind of like that.
Oh, right, I thought it was like on your back.
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Chapter 6: How did a fraudulent grandmother create a unique story?
And it's like a really, not disturbing feeling, like someone's finger going up your ass. But it's like, because it's medical, but you're going, fucking hell, that's not ideal. Oh, you've told us this. Yeah, and then someone was waiting. They had a photo outside, right directly outside the door. And I was sort of in a bit of a trance. So I was like, fucking, I just had a finger up my arse.
Yeah.
You know, I know it's fine and clinical, but I wasn't. And then, to this day, I go, fucking, you shouldn't ask for a fucking selfie if someone's leaving a doctor's office. But anyway, that really is one in a million. It does something to you when someone at 80% of your story goes, no, you have done it.
Yeah, I know. But then I couldn't, I didn't want to lie and go, oh, really, really?
No, I get that. Because listeners would go, you heard this 48 episodes ago, David. 248 episodes ago. I think there was a, like, it's just a, it's a wind out your sails, mate. Yeah, it takes a wind out your sails. I've told two horrendous, anyway.
Yeah, because I think I've heard Darren Datta or Dazzy Datta before as well. I think that's why you felt something similar then as well.
Pretend? Oh, I'll pretend. Good, yeah.
Right. Why do I trust women's one in a million more than men's?
I don't know. Yeah, probably. Well, they're not going to have shit in them.
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Chapter 7: What intriguing insights did a geology professor share?
Yeah. This is from Rachel. My one in a million moment occurred when I was 15. I'm now 49 and still rate it the best coincidence in my life. Do you know, I just thought then, I was like, this is... This is traction being. People are sort of...
And what you think, not about this, you weren't fully immersed. You weren't immersed in her story.
My one in a million moment.
So you weren't transfixed by hers? No, I just suddenly thought, everyone's got a one in a million moment. It's lovely. And we've hit on something.
That's what you're thinking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good for you. Good for us. Now, how do we monetize it? No, because I get shit for something like that and you love it. And I am ramping up for the pod, but then you go, ooh, you're a scumbag. You're a scumbag.
No, I'm just enjoying it. I don't need financial rewards.
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Chapter 8: How did a jury duty mix-up lead to a surprising coincidence?
If you've got one, send it in.
We'll try and monetize it.
It still raises the best questions in my life. I had held a silent crush on a boy in my class all year. I obviously hadn't spoken to him, but that fact did not hinder my adolescent feelings. Summer holidays arrived and I was bereft of the thought of not seeing him for six weeks. It so happened that each year my family would travel to a town six hours away and camp at what? Don't jump ahead.
and camp at what was then the largest camping ground in the southern hemisphere. I live in New Zealand. The campground was itself almost the size of a small town. I was grumpy at being forced to hang out with my family. It's difficult to describe the joy I felt when I zipped open my tent the next morning and saw none other than my crush and his family setting up their tent.
Oh, that is a nice feeling.
Oh, my God. All the reason you're sad. And I bet you're thinking, I've got him to myself. Yeah.
I can make this happen. Right next door to us, six hours from our hometown in the biggest camping ground in the southern hemisphere.
One in a million. Do you know what I had in my head? The twist being, 32 years later, we are still married.
No, she just went, and no, I didn't talk to him there either.
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