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Chapter 1: What unique stories are shared in this episode?
Welcome everybody to Friday's One in a Million.
Weird stories, weird stories that blow your nut. Stories that spin your gut. Jaw-dropping moments that burst your brain. They'll never ever happen again Sort of spooky True tales will spin you out Wild Swiss, a little maze, no doubt. One in a million. Got a story about a gopher shit just fell from up above and then it landed in my ass crack. One in a million.
I got a story about a wallet that was found in a Greek camping site by a maid. Well, how about that? Good stories. Oh, oh. Oh, what? Yeah.
Okay. I don't know what he's in ages. No. Sort of nervous, actually. I know. I want this to get momentum.
Yeah.
I want this to be an easy app.
Well, one in 7.2 million, so says Stephen Whitehead. One in 7.2 million. Wow, 7.2. Hi, David and Joe. Long-time listener, first-time probability victim.
i'd like to submit myself for your one in a million feature nice yourself submitted this is nice nice and respectful nice and polite like an application yeah yeah although i should say up front this does involve bingo pubs and a level of luck that has since completely deserted me night one I'm at a pub bingo night. During the interval, there's a side game. About 50 people buy tickets.
I buy one, mine gets pulled out. Prize game. 12 playing cards face down.
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Chapter 2: How did a lucky pub quiz experience unfold?
Anyway, I thought it might qualify as a genuine that-shouldn't-have-happened moment. If nothing else, I hope it reassures Joe that luck can exist. It just sometimes blows its entire budget on two consecutive bingo nights.
That story has ended as quick in my mind. I thought it was going to wrap up.
It really is. Yeah, same. I mean, it's great.
My next door neighbour, Duck, who used to be a policeman, there was a myth going around that he never not won the jackpot in the fruit machine at the working men's club.
Right.
Complete bollocks.
Yeah.
Have you ever been a fruit machine, man?
No.
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Chapter 3: What surprising coincidence involved Pink Floyd and Liverpool fans?
So he was saying Liverpool. Liverpool. Whoa. A small piece of paper was Liverpool.
Safe to say this scrambled my brain for the rest of the walk home. Anyway, as I say, zero for entertainment as it only involved one bloke walking home from work who happened to see some litter. I think it's good. Yeah, all right. Oh, yeah, right.
I can't be honest. I'm like, look, are you going to tell Naomi?
Oh, no. No chance. Literally forgotten about it already.
I want you to tell Naomi and see it and tell me exactly what her reaction is. And I bet it's like, what? Was this part of a podcast or something like that? And you're like, yeah, exactly. You're wondering why I'm telling you.
Yeah, but he knows it's not entertaining, which is why I'd tell him, her. Okay. William Church. Hello, guys. Love the pod. I have a story here I believe is truly one in a million. It was the summer of 1996. What was I doing? Oh, I know what I was doing. Driving. Oh, driving miles to my dealer. To get back in time for like the quarterfinals.
Fuck it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. God, yeah. Awful days.
It was the summer of 1996. England had just been knocked out of Euro 96 by Germany. The nation was licking its wounds. Britpop was at its zenith. And an endless summer was about to begin. My friends and I were sat in the barmy school canteen, dappled sunshine coming through the windows, having eaten our daily rations of potatoes, smileys and baked beans.
A cold baked bean lay stationary on the side of my plate. Without much thought, I gave the bean a flick. Of course you did. Leave it, don't you? We watched as it traversed the canteen, only to fly directly into the ear of the school bully.
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Chapter 4: How did a baked bean lead to an unexpected moment?
What's going on there?
Yeah.
what the fuck was going on there? Was you?
Wow. Same as your old woman with a coconut. Something's going on at home.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I saw a whole nut from my school a few months, well, a couple of years ago. He saw me, I saw him. We did not communicate.
Hmm. Um, I want a really fucking good one. You can't tell from the... Oh, here we go. I mean, it's a bloody good start. Oh, the beam was wonderful. Yeah, yeah. Instagrammable, I'd say. Paul McCartney, Wings. Paul McCartney and Wings. One in a million. From James Scott. Good morning, chaps.
I recently had a definite one in a million, but you need to know that there are 7,500 tracks on my phone, but definitely one in a million. I was driving to the Trafford Centre with my phone connected to my car, listening to iTunes and set to random. And as I pulled onto the car park, the song Another Day came on my phone. As I'm sure you'll agree, a stone-cold rock classic by Paul McCartney.
Wings, Paul McCartney and Wings. Rather than just move the track on, as I normally would have, and as I was parking, I sang along, it's just another day, do-do-do-do-do. And then had it in my head whilst in the Trafford Centre, it's just another day, do-do-do-do-do. As I was on my own, I was in and out like Flint and back behind the wheel, about 20 minutes total.
When I turned the engine on without connecting my telephone, the FM radio wasn't quite tuned in, but greatest hits radio was fading in and out. And yes, you've guessed it. Yes, we have.
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Chapter 5: What are the odds of finding a lost wallet in Greece?
Oh, God. I heard them on... I heard them on... I was singing it.
What? Sing it again? All I need's a little time. Yeah. Oh, I didn't... Was that more cheaper? I thought that was air. Oh, that is air. I can say I like that. What's more cheap? Maybe I was listening to air. I don't mind more cheaper. It's not that I didn't. It's just I wasn't mad on it.
Okay.
Is that air? I think it was air, wasn't it? Anyway. Okay. Come on, give us a good one. I can't help but go for it. One in a million with low entertainment value. This is from Gabe.
apologies in advance for this as it isn't good or entertaining attaining might not even be one in a million i met up with an old aussie mate of mine brendan in london the other day as he was on a fleeting business trip i haven't seen him in 10 years whilst catching up and reflecting on old times he asked whether i'd ever met his younger brother after racking my brains i remembered that i once had
as I could recall taking a photo of them urinating opposite each other at a street toilet in London, which pops up annually on Facebook memories. At some point later in the afternoon, I took my phone out for a cheeky doom scroll, only to see a notification from my daily Facebook memories. I clicked, and there it was.
Exactly 12 years to the day, 30th of November, 2013, the two Churchill brothers' cocks in hand. Screenshot attached. Fucking Al.
It's got to be pretty unlikely that I met his brother once, took one photo of them, met up with Brendan for one afternoon and having not seen him in 10 years, mentioned that very photo and its recurrence in the Facebook memories and conversation, only to find out that the photo is taped. That is good. Yeah. It's taken exactly 12 years to the date. It's getting quite cult of Laurie, isn't it?
People sort of surmising why it's a one in a million photo. Yeah. Now, I've written it all out. I think it could even be a two exclamation marker, depending on your moods.
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Chapter 6: How did two Australian brothers reconnect in a strange way?
It's frustrating.
Oh, you don't see any of the... No, I don't want to see his knob. I just want to see the picture. It's just interesting. I was hoping to see two cocks. Not the point of seeing it. No, it's no point. You don't see their knobs?
Do you want to see it? I've got a fucking download.
No, not really.
Right. Tell me when to stop. What, have we got loads? Absolutely loads. Stop. It's from Thomas. What? It's not Tom Taylor, is it? No. Didn't he say he was going to send one in? I'm not making that up. No, I don't think it is.
While Joe might have left the one in a million game show idea utterly dismayed, vowing to never think about it again, as soon as I heard the words cosy studio... Is someone taking a piss? I was buoyed. Suffering from a burst of inspiration on the matter, I came up with the following format that just might work.
LAUGHTER
Contestants come on to tell their one in a million story up until a chosen point as defined by the referee. I think this was my idea, wasn't it? Okay, hang on. Three celebrity guests have to posit guesses as to what happens next.
Yes, exactly.
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Chapter 7: What remarkable golfing achievement is shared?
I had the tune of a song going around in my head for a couple of days. Couldn't think of any lyrics. It was really pissing me off to the point where I was going to hum the tune to a random member of the public to get an idea of what it was. But on fear of looking like a fucking nutter, I decided against it.
Anyway, one morning I was sorting a package out to take to the post office with this tune still nagging me endlessly. I left the house for a short walk to the shops down the road to drop the parcel off. I was starting to lose the plot as I knew this song wasn't by a niche unknown band or anything like that. And I was saying to myself, surely I'll hear this song at some point.
lo and behold I opened the door to the post office and guess what was playing over the speakers the exact one I'd been losing my shit over for days as it took a couple of seconds to register what I was hearing fuck off left my mouth to the disgust of the old lady in front of me in the queue she turned around and glared at me I said I'm so sorry not you
Got my Shazam app out so I could get the name of this song. It was Buck Rogers by Feeder. Quite a well-known track with 55 million streams on Spotify. But my mind was finally at ease. Now, every time I hear the song, I think of this moment. This better fucking have an answer. The reason my message... This is fucking ridiculous.
The reason my message states one in 82 million is the fact that there are on average 82 million songs on Spotify. Oh, for God's sake. No exclamation mark. Just letters.
I think it's worth it for your annoyance. I really look forward to that one. Yeah, he got you with the title. You've got to start ignoring the title.
Yeah, he did, yeah.
One in ten billion.
Yeah, I know. I know.
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Chapter 8: What innovative game show idea is proposed by the hosts?
I'm just thinking of me going round to my friend Matt's house, which I've never tried my key in his door, and it opened his door. Think of it opening your mate.
It'd be fucking, that'd blow your mind. Apparently them being mates isn't really a factor, but things like locks bought from the same shop or the houses being part of the same development make it a bit more likely. So slightly takes the shine off it.
Don't take the shine off it.
You might well be thinking, did Nick's key also open Neil's house too?
Oh yes, did it?
Well, I've no idea. Yeah. I'll check and let you know. Please check and let us know. Oh, it would have done, wouldn't it? Of course it would. That's great. Well, we've given that.
Three. It's magical. That feels magical. Yeah, it does.
It does.
Yeah. That's not fucking stumbling the bloody Liverpool on the floor or whatever. No offence. Thanks for writing. That's properly magical, that.
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