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Chatabix

S15 Ep 775 Listener’s Mailbag: Cockfields Quips and Ben Rufus Green

13 Feb 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What emails are discussed in the Mailbag segment?

41.307 - 80.19 Unknown

it's email time now that's who the time is right now we're opening up all of the old emails now i wonder who has emailed in now and craig and stew have emailed in now and sally too has emailed in now and john and bob Oh, oh, we're gonna read em now Oh, oh, we're gonna read em now

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108.301 - 121.948 David

Welcome, everybody, to Mailbag Fridays. I listened to this in the car a few weeks ago on Mailbag, and one of us did that sort of intro, and I thought, oh, I like this. It does feel like a Friday.

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122.449 - 123.351 Unknown

Was it you or me?

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123.752 - 124.133 David

Don't know.

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124.473 - 150.478 Unknown

Because I did one, or one of us did one, and it took a little bit of time to resettle. Are you saying resettle? Yeah. Because the other one was like, not really saying anything, but sort of going, hmm, are we going to be like that? And then it went back to all the other fucking apps energy. It doesn't matter what you start with, it always settles to the same shit.

151.379 - 156.604 David

Right, here we go. Let's open up the mailbag and put our hand inside.

Chapter 2: What was the quip shared by Ben Rufus Green?

158.125 - 160.988 David

Okay, tell me when to stop. Stop.

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165.322 - 167.366 Unknown

Okay, great.

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167.386 - 185.237 David

Hi, Chatterbox. First time emailer. Never had anything interesting enough to warrant it before, but hopefully this quip that happened yesterday just about meets the threshold. I was working my Sunday shift at a local pub and a fairly drunk bloke comes to play for his Kit Kat with the change he has in his pocket.

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185.555 - 207.04 David

While sifting through the shrapnel in his hand, he stops in his tracks as he notices one of his coins has got a special little design on it. One of the limited editions. He clearly thought he'd stumbled upon his fortune with a rare collectible, so he holds it up to his friend over at the snooker table and shouts, Oi! Is the Paddington Bear 50p worth out?

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207.965 - 223.505 David

I quipped over the bar with... A fair pound? Yeah, mate. I think it's worth about 50p. I got nothing more than a disgruntled mumble as he handed over the Paddington coin.

Chapter 3: How did the hosts reminisce about filming The Cockfields?

224.086 - 239.975 David

I looked it up later, and on eBay, the coin was going for £1.23. So I was technically wrong, but I stand by the quip. Bastantio. Kieran. What's that?

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239.995 - 242.538 Unknown

Statio? What did you say? Statio.

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242.558 - 252.149 David

Oh, no. I think Kieran comes in my Twitch and he always says Bastantio. Right. Kieran, 32, height 168 centimetres, bald, vegetarian.

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252.729 - 253.29 Unknown

I saw a quip.

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253.73 - 255.512 David

Yeah. Thank you for your email.

Chapter 4: What humorous stories are shared about Bobby Ball?

258.496 - 262.66 David

Here we go. Quipping on the cog fields from Ben Green.

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263.213 - 265.415 Unknown

No, I bet. Oh, he said he was going to write in.

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265.896 - 266.797 David

Hi, Jovid.

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268.679 - 272.943 Unknown

He said he messaged me a few weeks ago, I've forgotten, going, I'm thinking of writing in.

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273.403 - 285.736 David

Yeah, this is 7th of January. Yeah. I hope you don't mind my shapeless attempts to jump the queue by mentioning the Cockfields in the subject. Shall we say who David is? David played... Ben played David.

285.756 - 289.675 Unknown

Ben played David in the Cockfields. He's my stepbrother, isn't he?

289.695 - 294.781 David

I've been enjoying your correspondence about quipping. Thought I'd throw my hat in the ring, as I'm a bit of a quipper myself.

Chapter 5: What insights do the hosts provide about quipping?

295.302 - 330.126 David

He is. He really is. During the filming of series two of The Cockfields, Joe and myself were having our hair and makeup done by Lisa. Yep. And Katie. Joe mentioned he'd been for a 5K run, and I quipped. Are you still doing the whole 5K running on the spot? I don't either risk get that. Joe mentioned he'd been for a 5k run, right? And I quit. Are you still doing the whole 5k running on the spot?

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330.882 - 360.394 David

i felt good to message him joe humored me and played along but i wasn't done when ben rufus green sees a quick opportunity because i didn't because so he continues because didn't you get your beard caught in a bush that time Katie, who had been away, returned and asked what the subject of this chat chat was, and Lisa helpfully explained, Joe got his beard caught in a bush.

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361.215 - 369.849 David

I remember seeing Joe's thought process. He didn't want a word going around the cast and crew about him getting his beard caught in a bush.

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Chapter 6: How does Ben explain his humor style during the episode?

370.289 - 392.756 David

He put a stop to any rumour spreading with a light-hearted but firm, I didn't get my beard caught in a bush. Hair and makeup continued. That further incident, and we went on to have a successful day filming one wonderful series. Thank you for reading out my email. I've slightly gone off my first quip, as it's too close to running on a treadmill.

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393.417 - 397.183 David

But I think the second quip, I don't know what you're going about, Ben.

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398.025 - 401.45 Unknown

Shall I send you the link and say, can you come on and explain your quip?

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402.252 - 415.561 David

Well, yeah. Yeah. Fucking hell. What the hell are you going on about? Is Ben basically saying when you do a 5K, do you just stand on the spot and run? Honestly, you could tell me anything, yeah.

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420.608 - 424.112 Unknown

I've just sent him the link. I've absolutely no idea.

Chapter 7: What memorable moments did the hosts share from their experiences?

424.893 - 438.759 Unknown

Also, I don't remember getting my beard caught in a bush. I can't imagine I'd not want that to get around. Why would I not want that to get around? You tell me. It's not something I'm particularly anxious about. It's all right. You still like it.

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439.82 - 456.276 David

Well, I hope. This is from Steve Wood, sent just before Christmas. Hi, David. Currently using nasal spray for ongoing sinus issues. I'll let you know how I get on. Yeah, if you could.

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457.096 - 460.84 Unknown

Let's have one with nasal spray addiction.

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460.887 - 462.089 David

This is from John Mears.

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Chapter 8: What reflections do the hosts have on their time working together?

462.93 - 487.268 David

How often do we do it? Oh, this section. I forgot about this. Once since we had a kid and she's now four. That's it. Fucking hell, it just hit me. Once since we had our kids, she's now four. That's great delivery as well. Ben's here.

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488.289 - 488.65 Unknown

Is he?

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489.17 - 491.973 David

Yeah. This is exciting.

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491.993 - 502.885 Joe

I don't know who it'll be. Are you there, Ben? Hello, how are you? It's lovely to see you. I can't see you. Lovely to see you too. Oh, there he is. Yeah.

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503.626 - 504.807 Unknown

Are you flying a plane, Ben?

506.789 - 516.981 Joe

Yeah, well, the head streaming was the... I've still got the same... The latest in hedge-cutting technology. Just a little joke there.

517.001 - 530.107 David

Fucking hell, why aren't you a regular, Ben? I don't know. I don't know. How are you? Honestly, your voice sounds so beautiful. You've got to be a regular. It's so lovely. Oh, thank you.

530.147 - 531.652 Joe

That's very kind. Very kind of you.

531.973 - 533.959 Unknown

It cuts through the lack of energy.

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