Chapter 1: What new ideas does David propose for podcast episodes?
Oh, that game only works once, I think. Oh, I don't know. I could be a little bit more specific with it. I think it would get tricky, the more thought we put into it. I think you would have to go, James, can you cut the last three top fours? I want people to know it's not how I feel about them. No. It's how they feel about me. Yeah, that's the beauty. Thank you. That's the beauty of the game.
Yeah. Luke McQueen, one. Tim Key, two. Sue Johnson, three. Lou Saunders, four. No, I'd say Sue, Tim. Luke's a wild card. Yeah, Luke's a wild card. Absolute wild card. Are you certain Lou's fourth? What, whether she likes me? Yeah, like... I don't think I cross her mind. Not in a bad way. She's busy.
Do you remember the game we played last year, which was, when was the last time you thought about this person? Yeah, it's a good game. Is it really? Barry Ferns. Oh, like never. Cut that. What? I like Barry. I don't know him. Oh, okay. I don't even know who he is. I thought a motorboat racer or something. No, he's the one who changed his name to Lionel Richie. I see.
I've got no idea who Barry is. I've never heard that story. It's Barry Ferns. No, Barry. No, I don't. Google him. British stand-up, I don't know, I've never seen him before. Oh. British stand-up comedian, writer, director, Barry's one of the, oh, founding members of, I never gigged at Angel, so I don't know. I'd stop then, I think. Lovely man, lovely man. Well, I'm sure he is.
Fuck him now, don't make me feel bad. Oh, lovely man, really lovely man, everyone. I'm sure he is. No, I'm not saying it for you, I'm just saying it for him in case it ever gets back to him. He's a lovely man. Oh, fuck it. I should have ended this. God, I don't know him at all. And now I feel bad. Don't feel bad for not knowing someone. I've never gigged there.
I've never been done the angel before. I haven't. If I'd met him and I'd go, oh, I really like Barry. You would like him. All right. That's all I had to say. Sorry, Barry. This is awful. He could be one of those people you really click with. Ah. Not now. Well, he might be. We were talking about the other day where you got someone wrong.
Like we're talking about, oh yeah, you know, we're trying to remember someone who didn't like you getting your rubber willy out. Oh yeah, yeah. And you got the wrong person. I was thinking about all those times, you know, when you, oh, no, it's nothing. But like, you know, sometimes you go, oh, I think they, you get something wrong and then you have a preconceived sort of notion with them.
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Chapter 2: What is the concept behind the 'Tea Towels and Thongs Tour'?
Then you find out that they're not like that. Yeah. I don't know what the end of that bit is. I've had a few of those where I've gone, oh, no, they're lovely. I've spent 10 years thinking, oh, no, I've heard you fucking say it. And I hear from someone else going, they're really nice. Oh, Joe thinks they're a fucking arsehole. Oh, no, they're nice.
You haven't said Joe thinks they're a fucking arsehole, have you? Yes, I have. Who do I have? Going around telling, well, apart from that person I texted earlier. No, I haven't gone around saying that. But in my head, I've gone, oh, I thought that person was an absolute arsehole. Well, this didn't go the way I was hoping. Oh, I feel ill now. Well, there you go. There's a new angle for an ep.
What was the new angle? Who likes us? Do you know what? If there's anyone in your life who really likes you, can you email and just go, my name's Carl.
whatever are washing i don't know dishwasher workman likes me whatever oh well but then i thought you had people who know me no no no so yeah i'm carl and my window cleaner really oh that's good yeah you don't have to go into detail maybe one line of why yeah the man who fixes my car yeah we've got rapport Yeah, and if you could just explain something of that. What?
Yeah, the mechanic in Brighton. Not Tony. What's his name? The one you get on well with. Ray. Yeah. Ray's autos. I always felt like I got on well with him. GM run or GM autos. Yeah, GM autos in Brighton. I always felt like I got on well with him. Yeah. Easy peasy. Lovely man. Yeah. I'll put a new tyre on for you, but I won't give you any money.
No, I've got to pay you for the tyre, Ray, you lovely man. Yeah. Yeah, so Ray's nice. Yeah, Ray is nice. Yeah. But he likes Jack Daniels. That's his drink, Jack Daniels and Coke. Well, there you go. Oh, well. Yeah, GM Motors, Ray. All right, you could really snip the first 10 minutes of this out. James, get to the meat. All that fucking picking card shit. Do you know what I find a bit weird?
He's telling James at 57 minutes. If he hasn't, you don't think he's thinking that already? Yeah, that's what I mean, but he might go, all right, well, I'll go back now, shall I? All right, I won't ever say anything again.
no i'm not saying you can't do it but i'm just i always think bad because i just imagine james going now i know i wonder how he yet how james how do you edit do you listen i guess he listens through it all i reckon yeah make no like goes notes on the timeline dragging here dragging again yeah very clever do you know what was she doing there where we listen to him edit one of our episodes.
And it's just clicking and us going... Just a bit of chat, then he cuts it, rewind, listen to it again, cut. God, no, like... Yeah, I'd love to go, like, we sit with him and he's listening and going, yeah, I'm bored of this. Yes. Should we do it with this app? Yeah, that's great. We do an app with James editing this app. Yes.
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Chapter 3: How do David and Joe reflect on their past guest interviews?
Well, I just don't think he'd do it warts and all. It's a waste of time. Okay, cool. He'd go on another pod, maybe. What, talk about us? Well, with a voice, with a disguised voice. Oh, like the secret editor? Yeah, no, it is a good idea. But I don't even, I just, my immediate reaction was that is him going, I can't be arsed. Okay. Well, if you can be arsed, let's do it.
If not, James, it's fair enough. Can we... He's doing some editing on this right now. I just got an idea. It's really simple, but an idea for another ep. We just pick an interview we've done, just do a direct commentary. No. No. Because I'll never pod again. Honestly, I would just... If I was listening to a pod I like and they did that, I would be in heaven.
Yeah, but it's the thing I said to you a few weeks ago. It's like, why am I putting myself through this? I just don't take it seriously. It's just a laugh. Yeah, but... It's just a fucking laugh. Is it though? Just going, oh God, I hate myself now. Do you know, I'm going to randomly find a... No, don't do it now. No, I'm not going to do it now. Don't worry. It's all good, all good, all good.
But I'm going to randomly find a guest and imagine having to sit through that and do a director's commentary. Oh, God. Okay. Here we go. Oh, here we go. Gabby Logan. No, no, no. I'd be fine with that. I think I was all right in that one, I think. Okay. So have a little listen. No, I wasn't. No, I did massive rethink then. I was like, no, I wasn't. I'll pick another one. Barry Hearn. Oh, yeah.
I couldn't do that one. Can I just have a quick listen? I was so on uneven ground. Do you know, I went into it going, I've got no chance of connecting with this man.
I just want you to talk first. Do you know what's making me cringe already?
Is that we're sitting there going... Do you know what I'm dreading? This. Let's keep listening. Stop. Please stop. Hang on. Come on. No, I'm asking you.
You've got to be on a mission, Sam. Both felt a gap where we could make a noise.
Yeah. Bungo and bungo. Fucking hell. That was so needed. Yeah.
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Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes do they share about their experiences?
What happened to you, Big? It's just a laugh. What was it like watching... What do you mean, what was it like, you burk? I thought you could handle anything. Fucking seven seconds, you failed. I don't... Don't go back to it, because I'll say something.
I'm going to say something. Oh, I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it! Oh, no, I'm out. I'm out. Stop. I'm going to go.
Why?
I can't bear it. I genuinely, I don't like it.
Oh, I didn't need to say it.
I didn't need to say it. Do you know what I'd love to do? We do a pay-per-view on a Friday night, 20 quid a ticket. Okay, I'm back in the room. We do a direct commentary of the Barry Hernep or any ep of your choosing. As long as it's not the Barry Hernep. 25 quid particular. Do you know what? I can see through everything I'm doing. Same here.
So you didn't have to actually... It's an art, isn't it? It's an art interviewing someone, Will. It's a fucking art. We can't do it. Oh, he wouldn't punch us, would he? A little bit of fun here. I'm quite a nice, likeable man. He wouldn't punch us, would he, Barry? Oh, and if it works, I go, God, that's well done, David. I wish I'd done a funny there so he likes me.
And I see it as a fucking, God, it's like, oh, he's well ahead funny-wise with Barry. Oh, him now, what, Barry? God, I hope he just moves on. You laughed, he didn't do anything. Oh, shut up. No, pack it in, David, please.
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Chapter 5: What insights do they have about audience engagement during live shows?
I hate the fact I took... I listened back by accident to me telling him when I saw him. And... By accident? How do you do that? I can't remember. It was like... Oh, God. And I like going, and I saw you, and I was like, listening to it, and I could sense it in me. I go, what do I want him to react to? I've not given him a good option. What did you want?
again kill 15 seconds pathetic and i knew when i went into it it was going nowhere i knew halfway through i had a real moment of clarity going i've put martin in an awkward situation because you know is it you know me you've seen me i'm in your i'm in your world you've seen me already i exist in martin freeman's world we have a connection yeah maybe it'll bring us closer
pratt oh oh can i say one thing a lady came up to me yesterday at the station and she said i'm loving doppelbangers Well, our little sister. Our little sister. I didn't say that. You didn't correct her. No, I just went, oh, how lovely. Thank you. But it was just interesting. It was a lady. Yeah. I love the idea that the ladies are like us now. The ladies love our little sisters.
I did go, it's a lady. Why don't we do a new pod, our little systems, and fucking do Wembley? It's just loads of ladies. That sounded disgusting. Why don't we fill Wembley with ladies? Gagging for it. Gagging for our little systems. We prance around in front of them. Yeah. I call my little slippers, Slippingtons. Oh, fine fucking knickers. Slippingtons, girls. Okay.
Could you do that, James, if it was at Wembley through a mic? Everyone cheering. I call my little slippers, Slippingtons.
Oh, Slippingtons, girls.
I've seen women cheering. When I give my dog food, I call it Chibis. Yeah. Imagine a 100-date tour of that. Chibis. Bringing out a few classics. Yeah. All the ladies in the back. Go soft. Yeah. Yeah. Go soft. It's nozzle time. Fuck it. We'd sell some serious merch. Yeah. Fucking right. All the systems on stuff. On thongs. Out of the system thongs. I was thinking details. Tea towels and thongs.
That's a woman fucking rolled up into one, isn't it? Tea towel and thong. Are you still doing your tea towel and thong tour? Yeah, 120 days. Tea towels and thongs. I think the women have just gone massively off us. No, I don't at all. I think they're like, oh, fucking love these guys even more. I think you're wrong. 2,000 bucks. Oh, fuck.
Let's find our little sister very quickly just to get them all hot under the collar. For the ladies. Shouldn't we have Ladies Night playing under here by Kool and the Gang? Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, fuck men. This is our little systems here.
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Chapter 6: How do they envision their live tour and its audience dynamics?
This is us and the ladies. It's both getting really good shape for the tour as well. Fuck, it'll be long away. Who cares? It'll be fucking worth it, son. 2036. 2036. The R little systems talk. Oh, here we go. I really hope it's a chibi weebies one. Right. All right, ladies. Welcome back to the second half. The third section. The third section. Joe will be coming out in a minute.
You're doing 10 minutes on your own here. Oh, fucking hell. I don't know what they're bloody... They love that, those. It's cute. God, so many of them fancy you right now. Oh, I can't get into our bloody emails. I've got my... Goodnight! Oh, yes, it's ladies night. Oh, I'd love to do that. Do you know what?
If you're up for it, I would book 150 seats or somewhere between you and me and it's ladies. And I know we say it before, but I will do that. But just reading out my little systems. It's like an hour little systems work in progress with ladies. Honestly, there'll be so many middle-aged ladies.
you think it'll be like i see the one on the front she's really looking at me uh no she's not i think you're gonna get a code in your i think you're talking to her i think you're gonna get a code have you got a code lady to your to your email or mobile
uh should have a text uh no no no that's it what you got to get back into the thing yeah it's six digit code sorry ladies just some teething it's one i've sent to your your email what the codes
they're loving it whatever you do exactly if you can handle it better with three six nine one one seven nine one one seven okay wow okay imagine this all in taunted little theater done okay we're in bristol we are in yeah great i can give a Here we go. Right, ladies. We're going to read some of your suggestions in the second half. Yeah. I will be signing loads of fucking autographs.
Loads of boobs, no doubt. They're the ladies you want to stay a little bit away from. There's a line you can't cross. Yeah. But who's going to book the front row, though, for ladies' night? You're scaring me. I'm carried away you are with this idea. Oh, I'm so up for it. You just said you hadn't left the house in a week. Suddenly you're up for ladies' night in Taunton. I am.
Fucking, Nomi, you've got to go. Ladies' night. Oh, Nomi will love it. I was just worried. That wasn't my point. I thought you were leaving the house was my point. Here we go. Ladies' night. Here we go. Our little systems. Oh, this is great. It's amazing how you can keep their attention even when you're just waiting for a code. Right, I'm just going to pick the first one.
See if the lady's like this. Can you hear us, everybody? Yes, it's a small theatre in Taunton. In our house, the excess milk pooled at the bottom of the cereal bowl after breakfast is dubbed pussy milk. There's your opener. Oh, pissy milk. Pissy milk. Yeah. Fucking hell, David. One more, ladies. Oh, dear. Here we go. This is from a lady, so... That's all right.
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Chapter 7: What challenges do they anticipate for the upcoming tour?
Nah. Think I'm feeling like Max Chillington. You know that thing? I watched a bit of Cat Williams' Netflix things. And after he says something, he goes...
says what he does a joke there's a sort of like a like a like a horn noise that goes yeah yeah like that yeah we say Max Chillington when my boyfriend first used it she says here ladies when my boyfriend first used it he thought it was a pun on the Formula One driver's name Max Chilling however after a bit of digging we realised that that person doesn't actually exist Max Chilton on the other hand does breathe
The name still holds up, though, but more as a pun on maximum chilling. You're bringing live energy to the fucking... Ellie, 30, female, 5'6", second toe, longer than the big toe. Is she in tonight? Throws her arms around you. I'd really do that. Should we hire security? Stop them getting on stage. Bath Comedia? No way. Why? Fucking big old room. Is it? Wow. Remember it, Ben.
You want to see the whites of their eyes. Oh, God. It's quite big. Is that Bath? Yeah. That's Bath Comedia. Imagine that ram-packed with ladies. Oh, my God. On our little system. I thought you said on our level. No, they're not. They're better. Oh, my God. Fucking hell, the power we'd feel on stage would be immense. Can't wait for you to crash after this pod.
i know we'll have to have a normal on the side of the stage for you yeah you come off the first half like that eating your omelette yeah everything's going he's crashing he's crashing yeah good yeah yeah they're loving it tonight paula's here again she's mental I do like the idea if you're going to do a tour, do it just in small to medium theatres. Oh, I'd love that. Just for ladies.
Then you're having a lot, you're not just doing, just do it. This is a special tour with special ladies and special systems. God, you could really mind if this person...
yeah do you think i guess he's doing this genuinely isn't he where i'm doing it with a cheeky smile that's what he did well maybe we could take him to for a curry afterwards no the 10 best women in the room 20. get to have a curry with us imagine that Put your hands up if you want to be one of the lucky 20. No touching, girls. 22 Lambooners, please, mate.
I call asking a waiter for a lamb Booner. I love the idea that we order for them. So yeah, 22 lamb Booners for myself, Joe and the ladies. I'm a vegetarian. Shush now. Yeah. Make it 21. Oh fuck.
imagine that fucking fuck off table for the women and us get a right old scene at half 11 at night pre-booked table you walk in it's already laid out 22 we don't know we don't know the 20 that are coming with us hello boys Yeah. Oh, God. Sexiest ladies in the bath comedian, you lot were. That's what I'm saying. You were the most gobby. The most gobby ladies in the bath comedian.
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