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Chatabix

S15 Ep 850 Listener’s Mailbag: Bed Wars and Sting Stories

29 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What emails are featured in this week's Listener's Mailbag?

41.223 - 84.679 Joe

it's email time now that's who the time is right now we're opening up all of the old emails now i wonder who has emailed in now and craig and stew have emailed in now and sally too has emailed in now and john the We're gonna read them out We're gonna read them out We're gonna read them out

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109.313 - 110.154 Unknown

Happy Friday, everyone.

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110.475 - 111.857 David

You've got a nice weekend ahead.

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112.217 - 121.009 Unknown

Right, let's delve into the bag. I would like to go back a bit, I must admit. Can you filter with dates and times?

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121.21 - 129.782 David

You could probably do, if you click on day, sort by date. If you click on the date, it goes back to the oldest, I think.

129.802 - 143.463 Unknown

Yeah. Is that a dangerous game, though? I just want to go back kind of like six months. So many we haven't read out from... Oh, dear, dear, dear. Well, I'm doing a bit of scrolling now.

Chapter 2: What are the funny moments shared from Australia?

145.046 - 147.31 Unknown

Now I've just gone past John Leslie update.

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149.574 - 152.82 David

What's that say? I don't know. Go and click on it.

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152.961 - 190.168 Unknown

I can't. It's gone. I scrolled by. We'll come back to it in six years. what do you want i'll give you a oh this is okay you pick one of these our little systems a quip a joke or turf war at dreams beds um i want to can we have all four yeah just let's just do four because i wanted all of them Hi, my name is Amy, a long-time listener from down under in our little systems in Perth, Australia.

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190.989 - 204.407 Unknown

Our little systems in our house, when our beautiful Pomeranian German shepherd Bonzo tries to get extra dinner from the dirty dishwasher, we deter him by saying, out with your snout.

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204.387 - 208.933 David

Yeah, okay.

208.953 - 222.493 Unknown

And when it's bedtime, my partner and I say, it's skeep time, because I made a spelling error in a text one time, and ever since, we never use the word sleep, only skeep or skeeping.

222.533 - 231.846 David

I was in Nottingham recently, and a man...

233.092 - 262.305 David

came up to me with his son very nice man and he said he told me as our little systems yeah told me an aid a my little sister our little system sorry well out and about yeah god how was that for you it's very odd having someone tell you there our little system very nice man with his very nice son but you sort of don't know what to do no because i'm not going to write it down did you quit

Chapter 3: How do greenkeepers react to women on the golf course?

263.618 - 265.191 David

I think I told him how good it was.

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268.782 - 271.906 Unknown

So just so you know, if you're listening, Joe didn't think it was good.

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271.926 - 279.275 David

He was just dealing with the weird. No, I didn't know if it was good or bad. It was just something I hadn't experienced before.

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279.736 - 283.42 Unknown

Yeah. Yeah, that's quite intense, isn't it?

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283.44 - 294.334 David

Yeah, but it was sweet because he was obviously getting joy out of the Our Little Systems. Yeah, lovely. So I was happy to be a part of his Our Little System chat.

294.719 - 316.035 Unknown

Yeah. I'm just going to bang this in as well. Ladies on the golf course. Reference the March the 19th podcast, the chat of your greenkeeping days. As a man in the greenkeeping world, I can confirm greenkeepers have a weird throw-down tools attitude to ladies walking the golf course.

Chapter 4: What humorous story unfolds during a bed shopping experience?

316.015 - 333.194 Unknown

It also teaching the mess room chat. I, for one, feel uncomfortable and try to avoid being involved. I don't understand how fully grown men haven't even learned the art of subtlety or learned to at least use their... What's happening? Whenever they see a lady on a golf course.

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333.334 - 338.94 David

Oh, because you're far from home. They throw down their tools. Oh, that's good. That's not good. It's funny.

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339.62 - 343.845 Unknown

To add, when there's a woman in the industry, they're like the dog on hint.

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344.467 - 349.334 David

Is this because you feel like you're a long way from home, like a sailor out to sea?

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349.354 - 350.355 Unknown

Yeah, like another planet.

350.435 - 350.756 David

Yeah.

350.956 - 352.278 Unknown

Exactly. Yeah.

Chapter 5: What are the funny name anecdotes shared in this episode?

352.318 - 353.519 Unknown

You're not, though.

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354.2 - 356.083 David

No, it's because you feel lonely.

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356.123 - 359.167 Unknown

Yeah. And horny.

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360.709 - 364.034 David

Let's keep it golden moment-y, shall we?

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364.054 - 388.306 Unknown

Here's a quip from Tom Haslam. A friend of mine has a dog that a couple of years ago managed to steal and eat an entire block of butter. Out of pure intrigue, I'd asked how it looked when it came out the other end. He said it was still butter, but looked more like ghee. I replied, thanks, that's clarified things.

391.591 - 399.577 David

That's good, that. Yeah. Fucking hell, that's... Never going to be used again, is it? What are the chances someone else is... No, no.

Chapter 6: What unique encounters with Sting are recounted?

400.517 - 407.023 David

Came out like ghee. Is that like what they use in Indian food? Is it like clarified butter?

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407.484 - 410.066 Unknown

Yeah, ghee, yeah.

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410.586 - 411.948 David

Apparently, it's very fattening.

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415.791 - 424.539 Unknown

Emma, two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other, how do you drive this thing?

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424.559 - 424.879 David

Came out...

425.585 - 429.669 Unknown

And another one, knock, knock, who's there? Europe, who? No, Europe, who?

433.233 - 439.179 David

Sort of don't miss the pub jokes ones, I think. Because I don't know what to do in this moment.

439.94 - 446.146 Unknown

No, all I do is just look at you and then look back to my... Well, you can go back to your email, so I'm hanging.

446.166 - 447.527 David

I'm in no man's land.

Chapter 7: How does the podcast discuss celebrity encounters in everyday life?

452.913 - 455.035 David

Is this quite long? I want this to be quite long.

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455.673 - 464.957 Unknown

Not really, ish. Your recent Crawley app about working for Dreams stirred up a memory. We went into Dreams to buy a new bed.

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466.608 - 470.112 David

I fucking love this. I do. Fucking hell, I'm all cosy.

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470.313 - 492.461 Unknown

And within seconds of entering, a salesman locked onto us. I fear being approached in shocks and this man was overly keen and mentally spending the commission he hoped to make. We made our escape from him by going upstairs under the pretense of just having a look at the mattresses. Another saleswoman quickly came over and started a mattress sale at her.

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492.481 - 507.82 Unknown

And then salesman number one suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked angry. What followed was a full-on shouty and aggressive turf war between two colleagues about who had the right to sell to us.

Chapter 8: What reflections are made about wealth and celebrity culture?

507.84 - 540.405 Unknown

And there we were lying awkwardly on a mattress pretending to test the lumber support. while two grown adults had a standoff at the foot of the bed. It was embarrassing. In the end, we did the only sensible thing. We quietly fled. No bed, no goodbye, just a silent agreement that we'd rather sleep on an uncomfortable old bed than spend another minute with those awful people.

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544.79 - 546.673 David

Just go somewhere else and get a mattress.

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548.195 - 549.478 Unknown

Oh, I love that.

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549.498 - 555.307 David

Really? What was that? Have you had a... What kind of... Oh, that was just off the back of Jeannie's.

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555.327 - 556.128 Unknown

That's real estate, yeah.

557.891 - 558.632 David

Good story, that.

560.776 - 577.795 Unknown

Funny names. Married couple. Hi, guys. You pair are so funny. I thought I'd tell you about my friend. She married a guy called Tom Cake. Not that unusual, except her name is Tracy. Together they are Mr. and Mrs. Tea Cake.

583 - 584.942 David

Well, Kate's pretty mad in itself.

586.123 - 586.424 Unknown

Yeah.

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