Start the timer! In the first episode of Childproof, hosts Gwenna Laithland and Tori Phantom are talking all about parenting – specifically, the things the internet doesn’t tell you about having kids. They start with some tips for new parents – don’t just sleep when they sleep, cry when they cry – and share the secrets they’ve learned for establishing a routine that actually works. Finally, they play a game of Parents Say the Darndest Things, featuring some of the most ridiculous phrases they’ve had to say to their kids. You’d think “don’t lick the baseboards” goes without saying... but you’d be wrong. Got an idea for the show? Send your topic suggestions, advice questions, and episode reactions to [email protected] Check out our latest promo codes here: https://betches.com/promo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ask this episode

“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.