Chapter 1: What dramatic role would Conan O'Brien come out of retirement for?
fall is here hear the yell back to school ring the bell brand new shoes walking blues climb the fence books and pens i can tell that we are gonna be friends yes i can tell that we are gonna be friends
All right, it's time for part two of what we discussed last week. It started as a massive argument. It was very intense. We were all shouting and screaming at each other. But it led to Blay reforming his ways, becoming quieter, more soft-spoken, more thoughtful.
Chapter 2: How did Blay reform his ways during the intense argument?
Out of that new persona came a decent pitch. He said, hey, Blay, why don't you repeat it?
My pitch was...
He's still learning.
No, he's doing it.
I'm taking the last week.
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Chapter 3: What inspired Conan's pitch about making shoes after retirement?
You guys said I should lean back and I should be softer and not grip the mic. And so I'm going to do that.
I hate this.
I like it. My pitch last week was you had said you were in the movie. If I had legs, I'd kick you as a dramatic role. And you had said you're not looking for any more dramatic roles. So my pitch was like Daniel Day-Lewis coming out of retirement. What kind of role would you come out of retirement for to what new? It is not. Oh, you know what? It's OK.
You know what? This is a new persona and those take time to get used to.
What dramatic role would you do next if you were to- We got it.
We got it. You could have ended the sentence there. Look what you guys did. But I did it softly, right? Look what you did to my boy. Yes, yes. I did it softly. You know what? I like it when you're inarticulate quietly.
Okay. I'm just saying I did do it softly. Yeah, yeah. And I leaned back.
Okay, good. Very good. We're done with that.
Okay, sorry.
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Chapter 4: What unique role does Conan envision for himself in a movie?
Yes, he's back again. And when he does, he doesn't just mow the lawn. He's very interested in, I think, making shoes. He's a cobbler. He's a cobbler. And I've actually driven through the town in Ireland where he lives, and he makes shoes. So if you can imagine, and he makes them the old-fashioned way.
And that's what's fascinating to me is that this, maybe our greatest actor in the world makes shoes when he chooses not to act. So let's have everyone imagine that I completed my role in If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. And I've retired to my small village and I make late 19th century prosthetics. for people who've lost their feet in a mining accident. And that's just my hobby.
And so people come in and they say, I lost my foot. And I say, ah, sit there and have some cider. And then I do various measurements. And then I- While they wait? While they wait. And I say, and you know what? While they're waiting, they have to live off only cider. And then I go into the woods. with like a 19th century saw. And I pick out the best old tree I can find.
And I fell off a giant tree, a massive, beautiful tree that's been around for a thousand years.
Chapter 5: How does Conan compare his potential roles to Daniel Day-Lewis?
And then I take one tiny piece of it.
For a finger.
For a toe that was lost by this guy. And then I go back and while he's dying now, because it's been a while, I had to go to a tree in the Pacific Northwest and he's in Jersey, but I will craft that. And that's what I do. But then one of my fans has a great idea for a role I should play.
and it pulls me away from my craft, and I come back to the world of acting, and people are just as excited as when Daniel Day-Lewis reenters. Just as excited. This is an alternate universe where that would be possible. Gotcha. Where you can fell a tree. Listen, I've read a lot of books, Sona. I've read a lot of books about manual labor. Okay? I've just finished a book called Exertion.
And so I'm quite certain that when the time comes for me to do something with my hands or body, I will know how to do it. Long hours in the libraries. So that's what we're talking about, I guess, is what role would I do? And I guess we're going to turn this out to the fans, right? Well, we can do that, but we can discuss it amongst ourselves.
No, we'll discuss it first amongst ourselves, and then maybe it will end with a challenge to the fans. Tell me what role I should play. Yeah, maybe there'll be some good ideas we can discuss at a further time. But the one staring us right in the face is that. It's Pippi. Pippi Longstocking. Yeah. Me play Pippi Longstocking? Is that what you were going to say? No, but that's pretty good.
Pippi Longstocking is, well, okay.
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Chapter 6: What humorous scenarios arise from Conan's acting ideas?
Pippi, refresh my memory because I'm sure you're going to know about Pippi. Well, we've talked about Pippi an inordinate amount of times on this podcast for some reason. Well, we have. There are certain topics that naturally draw humans to conversation. Yeah.
Do you know that we talked about it so much so that they did a documentary on her in Sweden and they reached out to me because of this podcast and I'm on that documentary talking about my experience with Pippi. That warms my heart. Well, Sweden, we're thinking of you and thanks for the work. Yeah, I mean, me to play, is Pippi, how old is Pippi? Is Pippi in her 20s? No. Teens? She's a kid.
Yeah, she's like 12 or 13. Oh, she's 12 or 13? I thought she was super strong. She is. Do they ever explain why she is so strong? I don't think they do. It's not like she's far from the red sun. No, that's Superman. Yeah, okay. No, she's just got magical kind of strength. It's just like wonderful, youthful. Wow, what a great origin story. Yeah. Hey, this is who I am. Quit asking.
I could be wrong. I don't know. How did Green Lantern, hey, this is what I do. Leave me alone. My experience with Pippi is only the dubbed American versions of the Swedish movies, so I don't even know. Well, anyway, no, it's not going to be Pippi because I don't think I can play an 11-year-old girl. The one I was thinking of is this year specifically, they have to cast a new James Bond, you know.
I'm not suggesting that.
I'm just saying let's take it off the table.
Well, are they looking at long-in-the-tooth Irishmen who've lived in America for a couple hundred years? I guess Pierce Brosnan's a long-in-the-tooth Irishman. They could just go back. Can you be suave and British? Oh, come on. Do you even do a British accent? I've never heard you do a British accent. Well, first of all, does he have to be British? Distinctively so, yeah.
I mean, that's the one thing he has to be British. Look, they know that they're going to make changes.
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Chapter 7: How does Conan's character evolve in the proposed film?
You know, Bond has to change with the times, right? So I'm thinking of a Bond who's from just outside Boston in Brookline, Massachusetts. You're not far off. You know, they considered Burt Reynolds. They screen tested James Brolin. Is that true? They considered Adam West at one time, too. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, they dodged some bullets there, probably. I know, I know.
I mean, and I love those guys. I love everyone you just mentioned, but yes, it has to be British, has to be British. No, there's no way I could be James Bond because yes, I have, I think I have the suave sophistication and I think I have the temperament. I think my fight scenes would be quite unusual.
And I love that my Bond would be a Bond who, anytime he has to use the gadget, calls Sona and asks Sona how to use the gadget. But in real time, like I'm fighting the Russian agent and I call you to figure out how to use the thing in my watch that turns it into a garret so I can strangle him. And you have to walk me through it. And while I download the app, I don't pick up.
And then I call David and then you call David. David doesn't pick up. Then you start like doing all bits on our voicemail and then you die. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't it's going to be the shortest James Bond. Sounds good.
Chapter 8: What final thoughts does Conan share about his acting future?
Yeah. But then the end of the movie is just playing all the bits. that I did on the phone. You mean like cannonball run bloopers style over the credits? Yes, exactly. Just bits, bits, bits. And people say like, the movie's terrible, but stick around for the credit bed because those bits with Sona and David are okay.
All right, so let's take Bond and Pippi off the table as much as we don't want to. Yeah, my question was if there was a biopic you would do. Oh, right. And then I thought like, oh, but then you'd want to be like Lyndon Johnson's- Slenderman. Treasurer's secretary. Slenderman. Yeah. No, I mean, that's a really good question. I don't know what historical figure I'm most like.
I'm the exact height of Lincoln. Speaking of Daniel Day-Lewis, though, would you be ready to come on the heels of that recent film and try to one-up it? Okay, I have problems with his Lincoln. Oh, wow. I do, and he's great, and I thought he nailed it in a lot of ways, but I didn't see him ever look to camera and, like, make faces or anything.
No.
I didn't see him once. That's what you would bring to the role. I would step, yeah.
Like Lincoln used to do.
I'd do a lot of breaking the fourth wall.
This is your camera. Let's see a little Lincoln.
Well, I guess I got to go to the theater. Oh, that might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean. Oh, what? Oh, God. Do you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Yeah. Wait, Lincoln knows what's going to happen? Yeah, he knows, but he thinks it's all kind of fun. You know? Wow. Yeah, you know, yeah. He's like, let's go to the theater. I could get shot. Well, it's our American cousin.
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