Chapter 1: What feelings does Kumail Nanjiani express about his friendship with Conan O'Brien?
Hi, my name is Kumail Nanjiani. And I feel twitterpated about being Conan O'Brien's friend. That's huge. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends.
Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I am sitting here with Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley. What's that?
I said hello.
Yeah.
Chapter 2: What is Kumail Nanjiani's new special 'Night Thoughts' about?
Yeah. You brought up an issue.
You doodled this cool looking guy. I doodled this guy.
He's wearing, I don't know why I doodled him, but he's wearing farmer's overalls. I don't know that he has a shirt on. He's got a big mustache. I don't know why I drew this guy. I don't know who this guy is.
You guys both love the 70s so much, which I think is very, like, mustache heavy. And I'm just curious why you guys have never, like, you've never grown a mustache.
I've had a mustache before.
Just a mustache.
Just a mustache. Not for long.
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Chapter 3: What humorous experiences does Kumail share about old lady drug dealers?
In theory, I really want to do it. In my mind, Sam Elliott. In the mirror, Ned Flanders.
So you come out as Ned Flanders. I think so. I think that my mustache doesn't... Well, first of all, I've had a beard and accompanying mustache. But a mustache alone, I would look sort of like... Michael Caine in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.
Oh, but that's not a horrible look. No, no, no.
What I'm saying is it's Michael Caine, so he can do anything because he's Michael Caine. It would be kind of thin, and I think I would come across as... Evil. I think my true evil and pervy would come out. And I just did something.
Chapter 4: How has Kumail Nanjiani been received by international audiences?
I did a shoot where they put a small mustache on me. And so I can show it to you. And you know what? I look like a creep. I think it's just perv. But if you can indulge me for a second, which I know you can. Let me see if I...
Well, I'm just going to say my dad has always had a mustache, and he's the coolest guy I know. So if I was a guy, I feel like I'd have a mustache.
Hey, if I had your dad's mustache, then fine.
Yeah.
And I've tried to imitate your dad's mustache many times.
No, you don't. Taking a dinner napkin and putting it above your mouth is not...
is not how many times have i sent you pictures i've taken of me on a plane or just me out in the world where i put a very large white dinner napkin under my nose and say look it's your dad too many times actually too many i think there's a decent amount of times and there's too many times but um i think you're just obsessed with his mustache because you guys are oh we're both we're all on our phones well i'm trying to find something here oh here we go here we go look
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Chapter 5: What real-life experiences inspired a scene from Silicon Valley?
That's not bad. I don't know. That looks cool to me. This looks cool to you?
No. I want to be friends with that guy. Hello?
I want to be friends with that. You have to do it that way, though.
Look at this.
Look at this guy.
It's like a line above the mouth. This guy's awful. What an awful guy. I'm not kidding.
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Chapter 6: How does Kumail discuss his journey from stand-up to acting?
I searched my photos for me with a mustache because you can do like AI search of your photos now.
Gene Shalit.
That's Gene Shalit. That's right. I'm sorry. This guy is constantly being arrested. I don't know. Look at that. He's being arrested. He's being, right? That's a terrible guy. I don't want to be that guy.
I don't know. Well, Movember's coming up. Maybe you guys should grow mustaches.
What do you think? He's right. You don't like that guy? Should we do that for the podcast? Have a mustache for the podcast?
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Chapter 7: What insights does Kumail provide about the challenges of performing live?
What do you say? Tell me what you think of this guy. He's a bad man. He's a bad, look, and his eyes are dead. The mustache takes the life out of my eyes.
But you guys need bushy, big Sam Elliott style mustaches. Can't you make that happen? Like figure it out.
I don't know.
Is there like a merkin for faces?
Yeah, it's called a fake mustache.
Yeah, I've got seven of those in my wallet. For other reasons you don't need to know. I have a picture of me with a mustache somewhere. Oh, I got plenty of those in my car. I'm responsible for a series of unsolved crimes.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It'd be cool if you guys just, you're so into the 70s and Tom Selleck and cool guys.
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Chapter 8: How does Kumail feel about his cultural identity and connection to Pakistan?
I'd look just like my dad if I had a mustache because in the 70s, he had a mustache. Oh, wow. Look at that guy. See? Yeah.
Oh, not, who's the guy?
Who?
He died.
Oh, the guy that died.
Yes, the mustache guy. No, I know what you're talking about. What do you mean?
The guy, the mustache.
What are you talking about? There's mustache guys.
The really cool guy with the mustache. Sam Elliott's still alive. Not just Sam Elliott. Theodore Roosevelt had a mustache. Theodore Roosevelt had a mustache and he's dead. He died. He's a cool guy. Burr Reynolds.
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