Paul W. Downs
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Who is Paul W. Downs?
Hi, my name is Paul W. Downs, and I feel thrilled about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
Oh, that's very nice. It's true.
It's thrilling.
Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell. Brand new shoes, walking blues. Climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends.
Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm Conan O'Brien, joined here by the chuckling Matt Gourley, Sona Movsesian. How are you, Sona?
Am I right?
You what?
I'm all right.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I said that. I mumbled.
I think you said, am I right? Am I right? Yeah, am I right?
And then I did a weak ass thumbs up.
It's also weird how you kind of like turned it towards yourself. I don't like it.
Everything you did just now was just wrong. Are you an AI? Yeah, I think you are AI.
Every time you're like, well, hey, Sona, it makes me so uncomfortable.
We've talked about it before. I hate it. People get very scared about AI. I have been working very hard to have AI replace you, Sona.
Oh.
And I have thousands of servers trying to learn Sona's rhythms. It's impossible. They've all exploded. They've exploded and they're in these salt mines. They keep them in salt mines deep under the ground in Utah. And I've spent most of the money I've made in show business on all these servers.
Oh, thank you.
They overheat and explode because they cannot match the Movsesian rhythms. They don't make sense. AI can't figure it out.
She just moves at a different speed.
Who's she?
She's so, I, me.
Oh, you're talking about yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you talking about, the creator?
Oh, God. Oh, can I just say if an AI came in and just said nothing that made sense, I'd be like, that's a great AI of Conan.
I know. Yeah, there's plenty of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you mean plenty of those? What do you mean?
AIs that don't make any sense.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I was just saying.
It's getting so good, though.
I have friends. Not the guys I'm talking to. What? These AIs.
Do you have a relationship with an AI?
I do. My wife is an AI. Do you... She's a beautiful AI.
Well, I had to splurge in one play area and then scrimp in another.
So, I don't know. You know, look.
I did have a conversation with a Shakespeare AI once. Like, you could go to this website, okay? Matt. Hold on. Don't make fun of me.
No, no, let's hear him out. Yes, thank you. We need some content for the top of the show. I was just curious, okay? So far, we haven't really hit a gusher, so let's hope this is it.
No.
So you talk to an AI Shakespeare. So you have a lot of free time. That's what I'm getting from this story.
What is the story behind 'Hacks'?
No, I'm busy talking to Shakespeare on AI.
How did you find that someone sent it to you and was like, oh, you'd love this, man?
No, I don't know. Maybe someone sent it or I heard about it on a show or something. I don't remember. I've never done AI. This was early AI days, though.
Oh, okay, because you wouldn't do that now.
No, I'm too.
I was AI before I was cool.
You were doing AI back in the 80s. Yeah, I was. When it was basically Pong. Yeah, war games. Did you guys hear that? Sorry to bust in. No, anything. Anything. Yeah. Because there's an old saying here. Oh, it doesn't matter what you three talk about. It'll be good. This is proof that it's not. We need this anyway because I'm going to edit all that out.
We got nothing.
So you go ahead. Let's start again. Oh, hold on a sec. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
We're doing it. We're doing it.
Do it. Yeah, we're going to do it over again.
I don't want to do that.
Guess what? Yeah, that was a terrible top. No, no, no. Let's do it again. Do it again. Guess what? No one's limbo bar is lower than yours. You're like, hey, man, it was great. You guys were talking and there was talking. People love this shit.
And go again.
Go again. Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. And we're going to get a good top out of this show if it's the last thing I do.
What do you mean get a good top out of this show?
It's the beginning of the show.
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