Show notes
Have you ever tried to think your way out of a negative thought loop, only to find it got louder?
You've probably heard the story of the two wolves, the one about feeding the good wolf and starving the bad one. It's a compelling idea. But what if the whole premise is missing the point? What if the very thing you've been trying to eliminate is actually one of your greatest assets?
In this episode, Lisa Carpenter shares an extended version of the two wolves story that goes far beyond the ending most people know, and into the territory that actually changes things.
Lisa's Take: The Story You Were Told Isn't the Whole Story
Most people walk away from the two wolves fable with one takeaway: feed the good wolf, starve the bad one. Focus on the positive, push away the negative. And on the surface, that sounds right. But here's what that approach quietly costs you.
When you spend your energy trying to eliminate the parts of yourself that feel dark, heavy, or inconvenient, those parts don't disappear. They go underground. They wait. And the moment you're distracted, depleted, or running on fumes, they come back louder than before.
The extended version of this story takes the grandfather's wisdom a step further. He explains that both wolves have gifts. The dark wolf carries tenacity, strategic thinking, fearlessness, and drive. The light wolf carries compassion, wisdom, and the ability to see what's best for everyone. Neither one, on its own, has what it takes. But together, they're everything.
This is the work Lisa has been doing with clients for more than two decades, and it's the work she's done on herself.
What we cover in this episode:
Why starving your dark wolf doesn't work: When you try to suppress the parts of you that feel negative, they don't disappear, they hijack you when you're most vulnerable, and create the exact emotional chaos you were trying to avoid.
The real purpose of your negative thought loops: Your dark wolf isn't the enemy. It developed to protect you, to keep you feeling safe, loved, and like you belong. Understanding that changes how you relate to it entirely.
How over-achievers misuse their dark wolf: That relentless drive to prove yourself, the push to do more, be more, achieve more, it likely came from your dark wolf. And while it's produced real results, it's also been quietly running the show in ways that have cost you your energy, your presence, and your peace.
What emotional fluency actually means: It's not about never feeling bad. It's about learning to hold your attention on how you want to feel, while also acknowledging the parts of you that are scared, tired, or convinced you're not enough.
Why trying to only "think positive" keeps you stuck: Focusing on problems makes them bigger. But pretending they don't exist doesn't make them smaller. Lisa walks through what it actually looks like to work with your full emotional range instead of fighting it.
The inner shift that changes everything: When there's no war inside you, you can access something deeper, a clarity and knowing that guides you to the right choice in any situation. That's what Lisa calls peace, and it's not soft. It's one of the most powerful places you can lead from.
How to start nurturing your light wolf without abandoning your dark one: Practical perspective on what this integration actually looks like in daily life, and why it's a practice, not a one-time realization.
What Lisa's own dark wolf taught her: From the drive to prove herself to the envy that showed her what she truly wanted, Lisa shares how making peace with every part of herself opened up a life that feels as good as it looks.
This episode is for you if you've ever:
Tried to "think positive" and found the negative thoughts just came back louder
Pushed through exhaustion and told yourself this is just how driven people live
Felt guilty for feeling angry, resentful, or burned out, like you should be more grateful
Noticed you're running on fumes but can't figure out how to actually stop
Numbed out with food, wine, or scrolling because slowing down feels too uncomfortable
Felt like you're fighting yourself constantly, and losing
Known you should rest, but your mind won't let you
Wondered why you can accomplish so much and still feel like it's never enough
Craved peace but thought you had to sacrifice your drive to get there
What does it mean to stop fighting yourself?
The high achievers Lisa works with didn't get where they are by going easy on themselves. Their dark wolf, that relentless inner critic and drive to do more, produced results. It was rewarded. And that's exactly why it's so hard to step back from it.
But there is a cost. Snapping at the people you love. Collapsing into bed with a mind that won't stop. Hitting milestones and feeling nothing. Wondering quietly how much longer you can keep this up. That's not ambition. That's a war inside you that's been going on too long.
The work isn't about destroying the parts of you that push hard or feel dark. It's about learning to lead all of them, so your drive doesn't have to come at the cost of your health, your relationships, or your ability to feel the success you've built.
Ready to stop fighting yourself and start leading from wholeness?
If this episode landed for you, it's probably because some part of you already knows there's a gap between who you are on the outside and how you feel on the inside. You've built something real. But somewhere along the way, the cost of building it started showing up in your body, your relationships, and that quiet voice asking whether this is all there is.
The Congruency Audit is where we look honestly at that gap. We identify the exact patterns running underneath your success, what they're costing you, and what it's going to take to build a life that doesn't just look good from the outside but actually feels right on the inside. This isn't a sales conversation. It's a real look at what's getting in the way of you finally feeling the success you've worked so hard to create.
Book your free Congruency Audit: lisacarpenter.ca/audit
Join Lisa on the Camino in Spain this September: lisacarpenter.ca/camino
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