Show notes
Everyone talks about self-love like it's a destination you reach after enough bubble baths and affirmations. But what if the real work of loving yourself is learning to stop abandoning who you are every time you enter a relationship? What if being "the loving one" has actually cost you more than you've been willing to admit?
In this raw, solo episode, Lisa dismantles everything you thought you knew about unconditional love, self-love, and what it takes to be in a healthy relationship without losing yourself in the process. She challenges the narrative that many of us, especially women, were raised with: that being loving means holding it all together, forgiving everything, and sacrificing yourself to make it work.
Drawing from her own journey of overgiving, abandoning herself, and ultimately setting boundaries in her current relationship after a major wake-up call, Lisa reveals why unconditional love has a place (with your children) but becomes toxic when applied to adult romantic relationships. She breaks down the difference between compassion for someone's humanity and tolerating harmful behavior, between loving someone deeply and staying when it costs you who you are.
This isn't about becoming cold or withholding love. It's about understanding that healthy love, both with yourself and others, requires discernment, reciprocity, and boundaries. It's about learning to meet yourself with the same compassion you've been giving everyone else, and recognizing that the relationship you have with yourself is the blueprint for every relationship you'll ever have.
In this episode, Lisa reveals:
Why unconditional love in romantic relationships often means you're abandoning yourself (and calling it devotion)
The specific cost of overgiving in relationships and how it erodes your self-trust
How forgiveness without repair is just using spirituality to avoid reality
The difference between loving someone's humanity and having conditions for access, partnership, and intimacy
Why boundaries don't block love, they protect it (and make love sustainable)
What healthy, mature love actually looks like: reciprocal, boundaried, grounded, accountable, spacious, and intentional
How to recognize when you're mistaking tolerance for love and endurance for devotion
The only real antidote to shame (and why most high-achievers struggle to give it to themselves)
Why self-integrity, keeping promises to yourself, is the foundation of self-love and self-trust
How to love someone deeply and still walk away if staying costs you who you are
The reflection questions that will show you exactly where you're out of alignment in your relationships
This episode is for you if you've ever:
Found yourself overgiving in relationships, always being the one who repairs, carries, and sacrifices
Believed that being loving meant forgiving everything without requiring accountability or repair
Lost yourself in a relationship because you were so focused on not losing the other person
Said yes to things you didn't want to do, shrinking yourself to be liked or chosen
Felt resentful in your relationship but kept telling yourself you just need to be more loving
Struggled to set boundaries because you equated boundaries with being cold or withholding
Extended endless compassion to others but met yourself with criticism when you fell short
Wondered why you can show up with such compassion for everyone else but can't seem to give it to yourself
Built a relationship that looks good on the outside but inside you've abandoned who you are
Knew you needed to leave a relationship but kept staying because you loved them (even though it was costing you everything)
About Lisa Carpenter
Lisa Carpenter is a Master Life Coach and host of the Congruent podcast. She works with ambitious, Type A professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs who look successful on the outside but feel exhausted, unfulfilled, or like it's never enough on the inside. Through her signature Congruency Loop™ process, Lisa helps clients stop living in Doing Mode and create success that feels as good as it looks. Find her at lisacarpenter.ca and on Instagram and LinkedIn @lisacarpentercoaching.
Ready to stop abandoning yourself in the name of love?
If you heard yourself in this episode, if you recognized the pattern of overgiving and calling it devotion, if you've been mistaking tolerance for love and endurance for commitment, it's time to get honest about what this is costing you.
Because here's the truth: you can love someone with your whole heart and still feel unseen, unsafe, and disconnected. You can love someone deeply and still completely lose yourself in the process. And the highest form of love has to include you.
The Congruency Audit is where we look at the gap between the relationships you've built and what you're actually feeling inside them. We'll identify the exact patterns keeping you stuck in overgiving, the wounds driving your need to earn love through sacrifice, and what it's going to take for you to finally create relationships (including the one with yourself) that feel as good on the inside as they look on the outside.
In 15 minutes, we'll pinpoint where you're abandoning yourself, what's driving that pattern, and the single biggest shift that will change everything. Because you didn't come this far to keep losing yourself in every relationship you enter.
Book your Congruency Audit: lisacarpenter.ca/audit
This isn't about optimizing the version of yourself you built to survive. It's about creating congruence so the relationships you're in don't require you to disappear. Success that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside starts with you including yourself in the love you give.
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