Chapter 1: What is the significance of the recent footy weekend?
You just wouldn't read about it. It's the greatest sport in the world. That's the greatest showdown we've ever had. We think in here the Crows are going to get robbed again. Robbed again. Right in front of our eyes. Goes down the red, Berry kicks the goal. Then Cook says, fellas, I'm not letting this shit happen to us again. The Umpires aren't fucking us here.
I'm kicking the goal with 12 seconds to go. We're the best team in Adelaide. We run this shit.
It's just awesome.
This is the fuck yes football. Welcome back. All you rats, the big red shed on this 4th of May. May the 4th be with you. Now, I don't lean to those gags. Surprise, surprise. Never seen Star Wars in my life. Haven't you? Nope. You don't know who Jar Jar Binks is? Yeah, it's like Ja Rule. Jar Jar Binks. Who? Darth Maul. Darth Maul. I feel like it's Darth Vader.
Yeah, and Darth Maul. He's the guy with the little horns on his head. He's got a red lightsaber.
So a lot of people are into Star Wars still? Yeah. Friggin' oath. Wow. I watch it every day. Okay, well, may the 4th be with you. Hope you get your lightsabers out and you're just shing! Shing, shing your way through the day. What a round of football it was again. Actually, a great round. We probably had the best 24 hours of football there from Thursday night through the end of Friday night.
Yeah. Three elite games. So many great games. Then we had some games there where it was rough to get through the graveyard. Last night was really tough, but an unbelievable round of football. I just keep saying it all the time. It's the best game in the world. We ride the roller coaster week in, week out together. The highs, the lows. We're all so invested this time of year.
Ash, we'll talk about your D's later. Are you feeling okay this morning? Some news just came through.
What's come through?
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Chapter 2: What were the standout moments from Thursday and Friday night footy?
Yes. Yeah. Yes. Unless there's a Ben McKay kind of arsonist who have no strengths, but his weakness is just actual firebombing. Yeah. which we're talking about that as well. That was so funny, that whole thing. I think we should bring in our own whiteboard for strengths and weaknesses. What would your strengths be? Ability to be distracted. My goldfish brain and ability to concentrate.
And weaknesses? Probably just temper, watching Carlton. Yours? Having a nice six-pack. No, thank you for the compliment.
Okay, this isn't RFIs. Okay, I think my weaknesses, my compliments are a bit too rogue. Yep. Strengths would be... Eating.
Whoa. No, it's true. You're better than that, mate. You are? No, you're better than that. What the hell is that about? What's that about?
Ice cream. Mate, I've got Europe coming up. I need to get shredded.
You're laying that shit on me? Yeah. Okay. Well, sorry. That's why we don't do whiteboards in here because obviously, as you know, it will get leaked and we just leaked it to you. People will get offended. There's a controversy here. But yeah, my local got firebombed. Really? On Friday. What's your local? The George, South Melbourne. Shit. Went to the market. I said, that's weird.
That seems like the George is on fire. What's happening here? And they said, yeah, fire bombed.
Goodness gracious me. So they're everywhere. It's all happening.
Well, it's something we didn't see or we saw, but we didn't talk about it on Feel Good Friday with the boys, with the rats, was Scott Hansen's story that he put up on his Instagram. So if you haven't seen it, I should put it in post because I think I've recorded it. You didn't know about this, did you? I didn't know he was filming, no.
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Chapter 3: How do leaked whiteboards impact team strategies?
It's somehow my fault. I saw that. I was like, I'm not. Yes. Is there a semi curse? For sure. But it can't be me all the time. It's just, it has to be impossible for me to be the curse. But you're right. Even though we did win that game against Richmond, that felt like a loss. And every team this season has had a game where they've actually walked away feeling really good.
Current fans are yet to experience that. Hmm. I haven't left a game this year, whether physically the game or watching on TV where I've gone to bed, not with both fists clenched.
Would you say this is the shittest Carlton season like you've had to experience since becoming like DDF?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's probably the worst Carlton season I've ever been involved with as a player and as a fan. Brendan Bolton wasn't as bad. We knew we were bad then. Yeah, at least it wasn't any expectation. And we're planting what he liked to call bamboo. Bamboo. Yeah, and then because it grows. Yeah, well, that's his theory.
You know, guys, why aren't the VFL players, because KJ, Puss, other boys, I know you're having 30 and some of you are kicking six, but what we have to do here is we have to plant the bamboo. So we're going to plant your bamboo, your Weterings, your Mackays, your Kernos, your Silvanis, your Cunninghams. And yeah, sure, they won't touch it for six weeks.
But when they do touch the ball, you know what bamboo does? Whoosh! Through the roof. And then we go, geez, this bamboo's strong, isn't it? Yeah, real strong. Hey, Bolts. I'm at the thirds at 9am having 40. How about you just pick me? I'm in the VFL dominating on a Saturday. How about you just pick us?
Well, you should have played for like the Suns or Richmond or something when their Ruckman went down, like the yeah, yeah, good boy, good footy energies theory about the Ruck just having their own entity. Where'd he go? Yeah, you're a good boy.
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Chapter 4: What are the reactions to the Crows' performance this round?
Kicked 18 goals, rocked up 10 minutes before the game started. Kicks 18. That's huge. That's a lot of goals. A lot, a lot of goals there. Let's get some news here. Our guy, our reporter, our feet on the ground, who is just... The more I work out and am around Xander Maguire, the more I understand that he doesn't miss a thing. On anything.
He knows everything about any situation, personally what's going on. He's got his fingers on every kind of pulse. He broke the news that the details for Andrew Lambert, who is the Hawthorne's head physio, who... hurt both hamstrings in an Adam Treloar-esque injury, went down, rolled an ankle, thinking he did a hammy then, then tries to go again, knee buckles on him, does the other hammy.
Tears both hamstrings. One requires surgery. The other is just really badly torn. Unbelievable scenes. The rare double hammy tear. You never see a double hammy ever. Well, you do with Adam Treloar, but to see a head physio do it is crazy.
Do you reckon that's the worst injury any trainer has suffered on the field?
Yep. Yeah, in the history of sport.
I can't remember anyone else getting smoked that hard.
Because he was only out there for 20 seconds. Out on the field for 20 seconds and tears both hamstrings. It feels so bad for him.
It looks like he's in so much pain. And he knows everyone's watching him at the time as well.
It's just funny because I do remember when I tore my hammy off the bone. I think I looked over and I saw Andrew Lambert, the guy who's done his hammies here. He was laughing at me. And isn't it funny how the football gods just work out? When you do love someone, it is bad karma. And not only did he tear a hammy, he tore both. So, Andrew, I know you're a head physio.
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Chapter 5: What are the implications of key player movements in free agency?
Yeah.
Josh Battle and Tom Barass going to Hawthorne in the same free agency window is so strange and unheard of. You rarely see a key defender move. Stephen May was another massive one. So I think when someone comes up like that, you sort of pay whatever. The market sort of sets itself. It's highly inflated and you've got to pay whatever it is.
That's a good point.
They never go because clubs just lock them in way out because they're so rare. Good ones are really rare. And then you get teams like Brisbane who... fling Ty Gallup back. And he's just going to be all Australian Ruckman. Oh, sorry. All Australian Backman in the future now because Harris Andrews is teaching him.
Chapter 6: How do teams handle the pressure of player performance?
Yeah. They're just not a good team. Like Ty Gallup, Lord's good. Ty Gallup was really good down back. Started off well, then Caddy kind of got a hold of him. Caddy's probably their shining light. Can he get a hold of him by the end? Just ran him off his feet.
Another shining light, Sullivan Robey.
Yeah, he'll be something.
They gave him a bit more midfield time this week. And have you seen his ball use? I feel like he's got one of the best kicks in the league. Yeah. He's so good with it.
Chapter 7: What are the signs of a struggling team culture?
He's something to be positive about.
Definitely. I'd be stoked if I had him. Talk about the old dogs. Peter Wright's a rock. Yeah. Mate, he had 26 touches, 22 goals, 27 hit-outs. So he's now a ruck. Well, they took him out of the ruck last week against Collingwood when it was working so well the prior weeks before that. And that's the Brad Scott stuff where you go, why?
Yeah.
Why are you doing that? Why are you dropping sides? Why are you taking him out of the ruck? This is working for you.
Chapter 8: How do coaches influence team dynamics and player morale?
So that works. They keep him there. Never let him know your next move, I guess, Brad. Well, at some point, you have to sit down and figure out what's going on and how it's got...
how you are where you are because deep down we've seen them play good football like deep down inside their core there's some football base there we saw it against the Deeds we saw it against the Suns where they are competitive and they fight but they just don't know what it is they can't pinpoint it so it's either that the game plan doesn't work Brad's lost the players the coaching as we said Sardis getting dropped like something is there that they have to figure out and get to it and say this is what is going wrong
Are the players playing for themselves now? Because obviously there's nothing going for the future of this season. And you see on the whiteboard, there was a lot of selfish players on that weakness list. And then you have players like Sardis and Parrish getting dropped because they're only defensively running and caring about the stats.
Zach Merritt is their former captain and best player, and he's the most selfish in the team. Are they all just playing for themselves, for their own contracts and their own well-being?
Well, yeah. Well, maybe they're all just on separate islands. Brisbane's in the whiteboard, but they are. They seem to get to a point where I don't think it's broken yet. Like, Carlton's a broken club. I don't think Eston's there yet. They just need to figure out who they are, what they stand for, and how can they just compete. Because there's enough there.
Get their own identity and stick to it.
And work it out. And in Brad Scott's defense, he has given us some of the all-time press conferences this year. which is great. So I don't want to lose him because told us that we're all going to die, doubled down it and said, yeah, what we are. So it didn't give us any hope about living. So we're going to die twice.
Then goes whiteboard saga, ask for better handwriting, abuse the league and oppressor. His presses are unbelievable. He's on a generational run of presses. So I don't want to lose that either. So come on bombers. Come on, Brad. And now you're close to the cheeseburgers. You're, you're touching cheeseburgers right now. I'm six wins off. Wow. It's bullshit.
The Lions did what they have to do here, but they just came out, ended the game straight away, didn't leave any door open for young Bombers players to get into it and feel good about themselves and give themselves a chance. Logan Morris is just a stud, keeps kicking goals, showing us he's the best young forward in the league.
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