Can Conflict Actually Make Our Relationships Stronger? with Priya Parker
episode
The Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant
1h 8m
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 5 days ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Welcome to the
Curiosity Shop,
a show from the Vox Media Podcast Network.
Hi Adam. Hey
Brene.
You excited to talk to Priya Parker?
I can't wait. I have some fighting that I need to get better at.
Oh my god, the I mean I thought about us a lot when I was reading this book, and I thought about my whole life when I was reading this book growing up. Now the Um, what I've learned about conflict. Let's tell people who Priya is in case you don't know. Priya Parker is a facilitator, strategic advisor, and acclaimed author of The Art of Gathering, How We Meet and Why It Matters. Her new book is The Art of Fighting, The Transformative Power of Conflict. It's available now. She's trained in the field of conflict resolution. She's worked on race relations on American college campuses, on the peace process in the Arab world, in Africa and in India. She studied organizational design at MIT, public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School, and political and social thought at the University of Virginia.
She lives with her family in Brooklyn, New York. Let's bring on Priya.
Priya Parker, welcome to the Curiosity Shop. Are you ready to fight?
Are you ready
to
fight?
I'm always ready.
Who is Priya Parker and what is her new book about?
Thank you for having me. I know. The two are the ten tended targets of this book.
I don't know. And yet extremely conflict averse. I speak for myself only here. But
Really? I am not conflict averse at all, but do you think you're conflict averse, Adam?
Historically, yeah. I've worked hard to overcome it.
Manu. Guys, sorry, I I'll start with an apology. Apology rejected.
I love it. I love the fact that we can fight and get closer, which is what Priya's book is all about.
You know, and I have to say that, first of all, let me just show the book again. Love the cover. Really? All my post it notes really loved this book. As someone who facilitates and is in rooms with teams all the time. I was like, oh my God, holy shit, where has this book been my entire facilitating life? So congratulations on the book. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I have to say, Adam, to your point, now I gotta tell you, I don't think we've ever had a fight or a disagreement. Where we weren't better when it was over. I appreciate that about you and about our relationship. So I'll start there, modeling what the book is about.
Same. But I also forget when I was revisiting the book, because I first read it a few months ago. I couldn't help but think that if you had just written it ten years earlier, Brene and I could have avoided our four years of not talking to each other. So where is your time machine is what I want to know.
Okay, so let's go to your conflict history. I'm so glad I'm so glad you're bringing us up.
Great. This is this is not about us.
I want to jump in to a line that is right at the at the top of the book. How do you fight with those to whom you want to belong? And Why am I in so many rooms with so many people that say You absolutely do not want to fight. With people to whom you want to belong.
We have been taught in this culture, myself included, that fighting is Immoral? Dysfunctional. Messed up? Only for bad groups out there, quote unquote. And yet, we all fight. It's a normal part of everyday life. And in part because we've been taught at some level that you only fight with the enemy. It's distorting what fighting actually is, which is to belong to any group, to any team, to any family meaningfully, you have to sort things out. And we have actually such a flat word. Fight. I wish we had six hundred different words to describe all of these different types of relevant tension. And I'm a conflict averse conflict resolution facilitator. So I have learned that conflict is a skill. And I've also learned that when you avoid it, there's a lot of loss.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:40
2
Who is Priya Parker and what is her new book about?
1:40–6:39
3
Why is avoiding conflict actually hurting our relationships?
6:39–11:41
4
What is “healthy heat” and how does it differ from toxic conflict?
11:41–19:00
5
How can practicing low‑stakes disagreements prepare us for high‑stakes conversations?
19:00–30:19
6
What can we learn from the restaurant “hooch” and tech‑retreat conflict drills?
30:19–43:41
7
How does preparation and body awareness help de‑escalate conflict?
43:41–56:56
8
Why should groups revisit the “storming” stage instead of assuming it’s over?
56:56–1:08:30
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from The Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant
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Building Integrity in the Age of Normalized Cheating
Brené Brown on Protecting our Attention, Time, and Humanity in a World that Won’t Slow Down
Can We Build an “Us” Without a “Them”? with John Green
Leading Under Pressure with Rebecca Lowe
Why Sports Matter Even When the Game Doesn’t with Roger Bennett