Show notes
One of the first things narcissists do to make people take sides, such as after a break up, is Reputation Destruction. They will not only gossip, but also lie. Fabricate events. Mix truths and lies. And remove context. They play the "first mover advantage". Provided they can place an idea in someone's head, even with flimsy proof, the person becomes hypnotised.And we are ALL vulnerable to this. So what can we do?I take the example of Charlie Kirk's assassination and the coverage to share the most effective method I have found. I really hesitated to share this because I am certain that "more than 0% of my listeners" will have been brainwashed. But I share it because this method is the most effective way to deprogram ourselves. Or simply check whether or not our ideas actually are our own, and whether they make sense.Why? We've seen two opposing narratives. A "not so small" number of people (about 10%...) have been celebrating someone's assassination, and even calling for more assassinations.And many people have uncomfortably watched that, perhaps even justifying the celebration.Many other people have watched in horror, not only the murder, but perhaps even more the celebrations. And their claim is that the victim, Charlie Kirk, was mischaracterised.So, which take is the most accurate?In this episode, I share a few tips to CHECK whether your beliefs match what you find in reality. Regardless of your current beliefs.The first is to STOP taking whatever your position for granted. Your take might be accurate, but if you don't CHECK, you'll not know - and you'll be an easy target for manipulation.When you check, ADD context. Regardless of if you agree or disagree with what was said, observe if the version you were told was accurate actually matches what you observed.If so, maybe it is. Keep checking a few other statements.If not, you were deceived. So check some more statements.And then ask yourself, even if the worst accusations were true, what is the appropriate response to someone being assassinated in front of their family?I'm a firm believer in dialogue with everyone. One of my heroes is Daryl Davis, the jazz musician who befriends Klu Klux Klan members. And happens to be black. I have no idea how he does it, but I aspire to be like him. People who gloat over Charlie Kirks assassination would also assassinate me. And you, if you dared speak to people you disagree with.Another hero is Peter Boghossian, who gets people who disagree to speak, and share ideas. Trying to understand each other better.One reason I do this work is to help good and decent people (I'm sure the VAST majority of my listeners) stop wasting time on bad faith people, so we can instead engage with good faith people. Do you know who panics about this? Narcissists and psychopaths!They do NOT want people who disagree to speak. Because it removes their power. We emancipate ourselves. We realise we actually have lots in common. Same values, but in a different order. And we don't have to agree on the order, but we can talk. And one thing I've noticed is: if I offer respect to people I disagree with, they're more likely to listen to me, and I'm more likely to help them see my point of view. Provided I'm willing to see theirs.Charlie Kirk's primary value was his willingness to engage respectfully with other humans, no matter how much they disagreed, and talk.That someone assassinated him, that people were encouraged to do so, and that people celebrated: now is the time to consider: what do we stand FOR and what do we stand AGAINST.Whilst I do NOT advocate for wasting time trying to debate with narcissists and bad faith people, walking away is not the same as physically attacking someone, painting a target on someone's back, lying about someone and gloating about murder.Observe who is trying to make people hate each other. Don't let them manipulate you.I hope you find this method helpful.