Chapter 1: What humorous stories do the hosts share about their personal lives?
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Mogging Mark jetsets, blows off the boys, then talks robot talk. Wagtastic Wade gets dismissed by James, mistaken for a situagenarian. Shaved, sued by Disney, and street snorkels. Booming Head Bob describes doggy drug fisting. Chides concrete constructs, slams Sora. and carpet bombs proliferating penguins.
From flatulence maxing to dorking wives. Yes! It's time for Anything Goes Part 4. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hi, welcome to Distractable, the show where you're going to laugh and laugh and laugh because of these two funny gentlemen right here and sometimes me.
This one's named Bob. No, I guess this one's named Wade. And that one's named Bob. Very funny. Eh? Yeah, yeah. And don't forget about our editors.
Editors make them laugh.
Ah, fart noises never get old. Good one, boys. Good one, good one, good one. It was okay. Over here judging farts. Who are you to judge farts? Are you the host? Seriously, are you the host? Who's hosting? I don't know. That is a good name for an episode. We judge each other's farts. That's such a good name.
God.
Brings me back to the fart genie. There's no other level to it either. It's just judging each other's farts. That's a tough one. I think that one has to have homework, right? I feel like you have to record every fart you do for like a week or a month or something, and then we bring them in so we can talk about it.
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Chapter 2: How does the discussion shift to the topic of AI and its implications?
That's a tough one, but I feel like that'd be worth it. Have you seen the TikTok about the guy who was trying to fart Max? No. What's he like, eating beans and stuff? Oh man, he was eating so much more than beans. What does it mean to fart max? Is that a phrase? Well, the video is like, he's like, and now welcome to episode 39 of Fart Maxing.
I've got some super kimchi here along with some fiber and some pickle juice and some high starch beans for maximum volume and... Oh, extra fart beans. Yeah, and then he got some spicy peppers in there. It was like, I think this is going to be the greatest concoction I've ever had. And it just turns to him on the toilet being like, I am in the most pain I've ever been in my life. Fart Max failed.
I'll get him next time, boys. I kinda hate that. Yeah, I'm glad my algorithm didn't think that I was super into that because I only saw two of his videos. Well, now that we've mentioned it, it definitely will show up. That sounds like a much funnier version of the, have you seen the day 300 of spraying dog medicine on my hands until I can punch through brick walls, guy?
I forgot about that.
Yeah. What happened to him? He's like still going. He's over a year. It's awful. Literally, he does it and his hands sound like they're made of, I don't even know, somehow glass or something. It's horrific. Why would you want that? He reached a point where his hands are so calloused that like they give off, they have like constant static charge.
So if he just holds his hand near rice, he can like levitate rice because his hands are so fucking, his hands just like are infinitely statically charged because he's just fucking shoving them in buckets of rice 24-7.
Oh man, that's really funny.
Wade, you need to spend either way more or way less time on the internet. You're not seeing the right stuff. I think the answer is more to see that, but I'm going to go with less because I don't know that I want to. There's nothing wrong.
Look, it's concerning because I wouldn't want it, and I don't know who's ever going to let that man touch them in the rest of his life, but it's fascinating that this guy is so dead set on having literal hands of steel. He could beat Superman in a hand toughness competition, presumably. Oddly specific. A bunch of nerds just raced into the comment section to tell me how stupid that was.
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Chapter 3: What bizarre news about penguins and global warming is mentioned?
They take you to another room with a huge machine that says anal probulator. And they're like, all right, lay down, face down. Wait a minute. Which weight are you?
Ah, shit.
It was weight day at the hospital. I should have known. We scheduled by name. I always tell them that's a terrible plan. They had the lady that came back and got me. She apologized for the mix-up. I was like, can my wife come back? And she's like, this will be too fast. No, you don't need her. And I was like, man. She takes me to the equivalent of a broom closet. This is a much smaller room.
There is barely sitting room in this one. And I've really missed the nice big stress test room. But this room felt a lot more apt for the very minor just get out that happened. And then she was upset. I've got like, I'm not a super hairy person, but I do have a little bit of hair on my chest. And she was like, Like, I was hoping you'd be one of the hairless ones.
And I was like, excuse me?
I was hoping you'd be one of the hairless ones. And she's like, well, I forgot my razor. Give me a second. And I was like, okay. So then she leaves and then she comes back with like a little handheld, like a razor and just like, all right, that'll be good enough.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the steel pipe incident in Japan?
But she was very upset that I had any amount of body hair. I guess I was supposed to be an Olympic swimmer when I came in, but I wasn't quite prepared. She looked at your head and was like, I really hope it carries down. So yeah, I felt shamed. This guy hates hair. I felt very shamed for having any amount of chest hair.
But then she put the, I think it was like five sensors on, pressed a couple of on this beeper thing, put it in my pocket. And she's like, all right, here's a paper. Write down when you have any issues, write down the time. Here's where you return it. I'll circle it. Okay.
fun i walked out and i i molly looked like that girl from willy wonka who ate the blue candy was like swelling into like red rage over time she was very unhappy oh okay not she wasn't like swelling up she was a human blueberry well blues i guess the wrong color she was turning red with rage is what i'm trying to say i just did it wrong
you know wrong color wrong fruit wrong movie probably but okay i walked out and i was like look i've got the and i i mean she looked like her eyes were about to shoot lasers because one i was a lot faster than 45 minutes but she thought she's gonna sit out there for 45 minutes too she was there to go with me and she kind of had a hectic morning to make sure she could go to the appointment just to be shoved in the waiting room
And then I started telling her about the mistakes and how like, oh, yeah, you go to this other room. You could have definitely come back to that one. Oh, I should have never said those words because, man, oh, man, we got out quickly. And it was probably for the best because she was not a happy camper with being dismissed by the people that took me to the wrong room at all.
I need to go make sure the right things happen. No, we've got him. We're going to go do the stress test on your 78 year old husband. The context could not be more different. But man, do I feel that rage about not being allowed back in the room? It was during Mandy's pregnancy, which it was during like COVID time. So everything was weird.
And it was, it's a different context because I understand that they have rules about like, oh, let's make sure, let's give the woman a chance to be separate from the man who's accompanying her to make sure that like, if she has a problem, she can talk to us because that is like, that's a reality. That's fine. But man, every...
fucking time we did anything because Mandy had like a doctor's visit or more a week during her pregnancy and every time we'd be like well can I go with her for this one she's really anxious today because you're gonna jab a needle into our our fetus baby in her belly and they're like no
You wait out here.
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Chapter 5: How does the wife-carrying race work and where does it take place?
I'm like, okay, thanks. Great. I'm glad this isn't stressful for anyone. I'm sure my wife will love handling this by herself. I fucking hate that. Again, totally different context than I understand generally, but oh my God, I hate that so much. Especially because like for this one, Molly didn't have to go with you. She wanted to go with you.
She was trying to like help or, you know, just make then for them to be like, oh, you, you are not allowed.
Yeah.
Yeah, they dismissed her. I mean, they were very like, just like, no, you'll wait here. Yeah, well, they do it. They must do it 100 times a day because every even at the maternity doctor, they were just like, you can't come in. Get out of here. Like I was an idiot and I should have known that this is my first time ever doing any of this. So I why would I know that?
OK, now I feel that very deeply, whatever that rage Molly felt. That's the worst. But it's fine.
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Chapter 6: What unexpected twist occurs with the New Zealand teens and their backpack?
They only almost did the wrong thing for you. Very close, but yeah, no, not quite. They got you good enough, which is what I look for in my medical procedures. Yeah, love good enough. Whenever I go to the doctor, I'm like, hey, I've got this lump. I don't really want you to put too much effort out, but could you take a good enough look at it that I'll probably be fine? And I really appreciate it.
It's all my insurance will cover. Well, they did good enough. And then, of course, I had the best, least stressful, no palpitation weekend ever. And then I turned that thing in Sunday. And then yesterday, my chest was just, we were sitting down, we were watching a movie. Well, then I was watching a movie. And all of a sudden, my chest was like, remember me, asshole? I was like, fucking why?
And again, another like two hour episode. She just manufactured it. I don't know what it would be, but you should have sought out experiences to like stress yourself out. So when you take it off and turn it in, you're just like, God, what a weekend. They'll have to believe me. I didn't know watching a movie would trigger. I don't know. Like maybe I was warm. Like my cat was sitting on my lap.
Was it a scary movie? No, to be honest, it was a few good men. Like Tom Cruise movie from the 90s. Very. It's not very scary at all. Very mild courtroom drama. I would say it might have been because you were sitting down because that can have a pretty heavy effect on heart symptoms like that. But I find it hard to imagine context in which I think you'd be standing up.
So I feel like that's your natural state of being. Well, one of my mistakes, I did go on a walk on Saturday and it was a nice warm day. I got like halfway into this walk.
like 20 30 minutes into this walk and i like for whatever reason i had like a i don't know cartoon flashback of like reading the paper me holding the paper and it's like try to avoid activities that may cause you to sweat and it's a hot kind of humid day and i'm halfway into this walk starting to like drip sweat from my bald head i was like oh no
I was like I gotta walk back I just like look and there's this hill and then the hill grew as I looked at it and I just was like real slow walking back like kind of standing in the shade for a minute like yeah wouldn't want to sweat that might get my stickies to unsticky why have I done this I'm a little surprised you didn't just laid out in the shade and call Molly to come pick you up
I'm not a quitter. I was going to make it back. Hey, getting picked up and being brought back counts as making it back. I'm pretty sure. I don't know. That doesn't sound like finishing the walk. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Finishing the walk is not what we were talking about. Making it back home safely is what we were talking about. But anyway, that's it.
As of right now, I still occasionally have the little chest burp fluttery feelings. No pain. Everyone just keeps asking how the pain is. It's like, if I had to give it a number, it'd be like a one or a two. There's not really pain. It's just like, I kind of noticed that it feels like my chest drank a lot of soda and is burping in the wrong organs.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts discuss the implications of AI and copyright issues with Disney?
I was having so much between being blown off by James and wearing a heart monitor. I can't wait for the less fun. Oh, you got about to be blown off by me because I was struggling. Excuse me? I'm going to blow you off so good. Oh, man. I hope that's not a Markiplier promise. We'll both, we'll take turns blowing you off. Yeah, exactly. Guys, my heart can't take this.
Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts have about the episode's themes?
So I was traveling internationally and that's my excuse for not coming up with the perfectest crime, which is something that I made a very bold proclamation that I would have ready and it would be like, it's going to be the perfectest crime.
this is where it would be awesome if i suddenly said just kidding and unleashed the perfectest crime upon you and then like informational packets would be hand delivered to you in your office doors and so get ready for anything goes part whatever oh never mind stay out
I even thought about doing that other episode where it was like the opposite of the one I did before, but I'm going to save that because now that we're doing weekly, there are more opportunities for things to have happened in the wider world, you know, international events and whatnot, gaming news of various types that have occurred, horrible upsets that have plagued society that are being put to the forefront.
it's time to break it all out because boy howdy i couldn't figure the rest of uh the perfect this crime out again i was traveling internationally i i did a i did a flight out to thailand and and that's a 20-hour journey and then did it right back stayed one day and turned right back around That's a lot of flying for one day.
And you'd think if I was up on a plane, I would be able to just like brainstorm and think and write. Trapped in a room with nothing but your thoughts and a writing utensil. You're right. And I sure did. I know that sounds rough, but I have to do the same thing this week. Only it's eight hours and I'm driving and it's.
nationally not internationally i'm traveling nationally and i'm traveling less but it's basically the same internet not internationally internationally internationally inside of a nation yeah not outer national international just to give you guys some more time to get up there uh you know those little delivery robots that prowl the streets that fall off the curb and go please help me up
Please help me up. And nobody helps them because they're like, fuck you. We're a little robot. I haven't heard that. So I always thought those things were like little and weak and they could barely drive. Just in the past few weeks, those little delivery robots have smashed through bus shelters twice. Yikes. They've smashed through the glass of a bus shelter. Just what do these things look like?
They look like very large remote-controlled coolers. Yeah, yeah. They're not like car-sized or anything, but that is stronger. I would have thought they'd be little pushovers. It seems bad that they could cause that much damage. You want to see a video of it? I have one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a joke, but there was a whole... I think it was a...
npr journalist who did a whole piece on this place in england which was one of the first cities to implement this sort of like delivery robot scheme as as like a city-wide service kind of thing and literally she she has a she did a very long like journalistic look at it and there she had all these clips of them like falling over or getting stuck and being like Hello, I am stuck.
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