Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Madding future Mark hates dicks, digs K-pop, trips balls, and plays Whose Line Is It Anyway? Weepy Wade tricks himself into tears, does his duty by his fluffies. assist in an orgy and with a billionaire. Bearmouth Bob struggles with understandable strain and gets a dirty nose full.
From format genius to mushroom messiahs. It's time for News Flash. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hi, and welcome back to Distractable.
Chapter 2: How do the hosts introduce their unique segments?
My name is Mark Ipplier, and I'm here hosting this episode because I won last time. And if you don't know how that, that, that thing, that, that works, it's because that's the entire thing of the game. And I know there's probably one person who's been listening to this and or watching this the entire, probably listening to this, let's be honest. Let's be honest with ourselves.
It's probably one of the listeners who has been looking at this slack jaw drool dripping out of the mouth, not understanding the concept of how the show works. The only reason that our longevity is still longevity is because we were geniuses when we made this podcast and we set out to make a formula that could be repeated repeatedly.
ad infinitum, even if we repeat the same episodes over and over again, and that everyone could find entertainment value in every single moment, it doesn't matter if they have eyes, or ears, or none of the above. They'll love this podcast, and so will you. And so you will. And so you do. Oh, look, it's one of the guys joining today. Oh, a fresh, beautiful face.
I just come falling in from the top of the screen. The editors will make that happen. This is Bob. Bob stands at a lovely six foot four and a half. He's got a smile for days. He's a glasses man. Purple is his entire personality. It's Bob.
That's me. I wish I could be more purple. This is as purple as it gets. Ignore all the stuff behind me that's not purple. Or that doesn't sound purple.
Editors, put in the sound of purple.
Oh, yeah, wow.
And Wade, the human equivalent of a mushroom, always in the same place, persevering through death, despair, anything. You'll always find fungi where this guy is because he's such a fun guy. Wade!
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Chapter 3: What personal experiences do the hosts share about their lives?
Hey, Mark, phoning it in from Ohio today. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's funny every time. You too. Weirdly, you get a segue point.
Ha ha ha.
I don't know how you managed to get the segue point this early. I don't either. I don't know what I just parted. Jesus Christ, that's really... You are weirdly sixth sense about the topic and getting that, I think. Anyway, we got a fun episode for you today in that it is a new one, and I have no idea if it's going to work or not.
So whether it's fun or not is entirely dependent on future me, and that's not me right now. So I'm not responsible for that guy's actions. That guy's a dick. And frankly, I don't like him. So if anything happens with Future Mark, that, you know, screaming obscenities, a lot of racial slurs could happen. That guy, not me, right now. Just gotta say that out there.
I don't like, from my perspective, when you were pointing him back at future Mark, it looked like you were pointing at me. Yes, you are secretly future Mark. Hey, man. Things get tough. Things really go crazy, man. You would not believe. Really thought Iron Lung 2 was a good idea. Mark, don't do it. Okay. Turns out nobody wants to see an ocean of hair. We ran out, so I had to donate my own.
It didn't come back. Ew, an ocean of hair.
Don't worry, I pulled so much out, there was still a lot of blood. Yeah, I don't know why ocean of hair is more disgusting than an ocean of blood. It is, isn't it? I think somehow it's even past like an ocean of piss or something like that, or an ocean of poo. Ocean of hair, that really sounds unpleasant.
Well, think about how it feels. You know, like it's maybe not every time, but when you get that surprise single hair in your mouth and you're like, oh, that's one hair. An ocean of that.
Just constant misery.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts feel about their recent challenges?
Just. Yeah. No, thank you for that.
I chapsticked before shaving my beard and all the little tiny hairs got caught in the chapstick. And then like I ate something later and like licked my lip and just all of that hair that up on my tongue. And it was like 20 minutes of misery trying to remove it. God, that's so gross. Why would you even say that out loud? I don't know. No idea. I was trying to be hashtag relatable.
How dare you manifest that into existence by making it happen physically, not manifesting it at all. It was in my mouth, you know?
I lived it. Yeah, and I hate it. At least it was my own hair. Yeah, well, if it's an ocean of it, I doubt it's going to be in all your hair. I don't have much to grow. Unless you used to have the densest hair in the world, and it just... I did. I had really thick hair when I was young.
Chapter 5: What is the premise of the 'News Flash' game?
It's like a cattail, you know? When you see the video of the person biting into a cattail, it's just... Yeah, and they go... Don't bite into my bald. You won't find the...
What? Biting your what? My bald. Oh. Don't bite my balls either.
I'll pass on both. Thank you. Spent a little bit since we last chatted. Almost exactly a week like it almost always is. So what's new with you guys' lives?
I have weird small talk this week, so I can go first and get out of the way. And maybe it's not weird. Maybe I'm undercutting myself, but I had a moment earlier today, I guess, and I don't know if you guys get this, but it's been a tough time, like, generally, like, emotionally. James is a toddler, and he's been having, struggling with tantrums and, like, pretty normal toddler stuff.
It's been harder than I have expected to deal with on my end. And I think it stems from I feel very protective of Mandy. And so when James takes things out on Mandy, that's pretty normal.
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Chapter 6: What are some of the outrageous news stories covered?
That's his mom like that. But goes from like, oh, he's a toddler. He's having a hard time to like, don't fucking mess with Mandy. Right. Like something triggers in the back of my mind. That's very confusing because I'm protective of both of them. But I was protective of Mandy first. Anyway, I've been struggling with like that. Right. Trying to process stuff, kind of confusing stuff.
And I don't know why, but today I was driving and system of a down came on.
i didn't like choose to play it just came up in a random thing and like i don't even remember i think it was lost in hollywood from mesmerize i don't know this random song that i used to love when i was younger and haven't listened to in forever and it came on and like just triggered an instant emotional release for me like literally it came on and it was just like system of a down and it started singing and i was just like
Oh, and something opened and I like teared up and just, it's just like a weird thing. And it struck me like, I get that sometimes I've had that. There was a point in law school where it was really fucking miserable. And I was thinking about quitting and I hated everything. And then on my drive home from school, occasionally like a song would come on from like high school or from before.
And I would just like have a huge release and,
figure something out process something and it just made me curious if that's like a me specific thing or if you guys have ever experienced stuff like that because it just I forget right I love music and I'll just forget and I'll be in the middle of something where I'm like having a bad time or I'm really angry about and then if I just chose to turn on music it would probably help but I like you forget about everything else when you're wrapped up in you know your own stuff sometimes it's like magic like it just like
poofed and i felt so much better from one song in the car on the on the radio randomly and i thought that was crazy but do you do you guys get that i do um i'll wait unless you want to jump in on the discussion but i think that there's there's something interesting here i mean i've got stuff to add but if you want to go first you can i mean you're a host man
I don't know why I said that so weird and somberly, like this is a sacred topic. No, it's weird because I don't listen to music on the regular, right? I don't listen in a car. I don't do anything. But there are certain times when I realize the power that music has. Because I like music. People probably hear that I don't listen to music in the car and think that I don't like it. No, I like it.
I just never. It's not in my DNA to go seek out music or listen to it casually. But when K-pop Demon Hunters came out, I was like in the middle of one of the many final stretches of Iron Lung. And it wasn't Golden, the song that everyone was listening to. It was like the last song of the like, this is why it sounds like. I would listen to that on the drive to go work on the movie.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts react to the news stories shared?
People reuniting with their pets videos. Like, I need that today. And I'll sit here for like two hours just like, yes, drain my eye fluids. Why?
I do that and I like movies with like somewhat predictable cheesy like emotional ending sometimes it's like ah yes I'm getting the feels out I don't know why because like typically I'm pretty like held together whatever I don't cry a lot publicly or anything but sometimes when I'm by myself I'm just like you know what I want to laugh for a bit and then I want to cry my fucking eyes out and I don't know why so give me that emotional song let me watch those emotional videos let me just
feel, let me get the feels.
I think we need it. I think humans need it. It's in, in today's society. We're very, well, a lot of us comfortable, you know, with air conditioning and usually there's, there's obviously starvation and there's, there's famine out there in the world, but for the most part, you know, people that have the opportunity to get bored are bored because a lot of our needs are basic, basic needs are met.
And so this kind of It turns from being comfortable to being just in a very middle non-dynamic state. And your average can be average because you're sitting in at literally at number five out of 10, or your average can be average because you're swinging from zero to 10 so often. Yeah.
just like iron lung you know it's not average there's zeros and tens you know it's really really spread but the average you know gets down it's it's dynamic i think that we as as humans need that experience and sometimes art and um music and movies can have that kind of cathartic balance or bring a
Why are we still here? Watch puppies reunite with their owners, man.
It's so cute. You're right. You're so right. Other small talk. If I randomly look like I just got punched in the nuts, it's because I fucked my neck up real good. We took James to a trampoline park and I did not jump on the trampolines, but I had to walk around on them. And at some point I did the classic almost fall down, give myself whiplash. And I just, my neck is just great.
It feels really good. So I'm fine. But if at any point I'm just like, Normally, I'm fine. Just old. It's out of shape. It's all good.
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Chapter 8: What conclusions do the hosts draw from their discussions?
So Bob and I will both... be asking the man in the field questions about the news story that the editors will put behind him. So I'll link the articles to the editor, so there'll be pictures, maybe video if we can find some royalty-free video to make it make sense. And we will be asking the host out in the field, or the person out in the field, the reporter, questions, and they have to guess...
what the news article is. It could be the title of the news article. It could be the general concept of what is happening behind him. Make sense?
Okay. I've not seen this game in like 20 years, but you know what? I remember it and I'm sure I will be fine.
Seeing the actual game on the show, I don't think helps in any way as long as you understand the premise.
Well, it kind of like gives you an idea of what questions to ask or how to answer them to get clues.
So I don't remember any of that. I will judge this in a kind of similar way to the drawing one where there will be I'll give points based on how well your questions are helping the person. And obviously, I'm part of that. But my questions will not have any factor in on the person. Other person scores.
I'm just there to give you the other person time to think so that they don't have to constantly barrage. And in the and how it worked on the show, whose line is two people were asking one person on the field. Wade, in this case, you would be calling mockery because they almost always had him on the field. Did anyone else ever go into the field?
I think maybe Ryan did once, but it was like Colin was clearly the person to do that. Yeah. What else did Colin and I have in common? Being short. Yeah.
oh okay i thought you're gonna say bald so when wade you can respond however you want but just pay attention to the questions being asked and start to formulate in your head do i need my green screen up so the editors can clearly put this whole news story right behind me i mean it would help yeah actually that would that would be helpful you got this news story video right bob is benefited because his background actually is mostly purple which does help uh give a distinct color to key it out no actually this is great okay perfect
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