Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to Episode 9 of our miniseries, The Reset That You Actually Need. So I can't believe we're at Episode 9. We're nearly at the end. And as of next week, we're going to go back to regular programming.
Slightly different, though, next week, a little quick rundown of what's going to happen, which is going to be slightly different, is that from next week, it's still going to be the... two episodes, the Monday normal episode where I pick a topic and it's just me talking about the topic, teaching you guys. Most of the time there'll be a brain fact, all of the same.
Friday is still head noise, but I'm adding a second head noise episode on the Wednesday because we're getting so many questions and I feel like the head noise episodes are getting more and more and more popular. People are really resonating and that way it gives me
the opportunity sometimes if there's like a bigger question or like a kind of a more intense topic, it gives me the opportunity to delve deeper and spend a little bit more time on particular questions if need be. So we are going to be adding a second Head Noise, two Head Noise episodes a week and then the normal Monday episode.
So that's what's happening as of next week, which will be kind of pretty much our regular programming, just bonus. Anyway, that... is all I have to tell you for a life update. I wanna get straight into the episode topic of today because we are talking about less proving, more choosing.
This is something that is gonna really help you start to round out all the things that I've been speaking about in the last eight days. and kind of really put into practice the things that I'm going to be talking about over the coming weeks, moving forward, and literally over the past 500 plus episodes that I've put out.
Okay, so pretty much the core theme of this episode is about your self-worth and the idea that when you stop trying to prove your self-worth to other people and to yourself, to strangers and to people that you know, your decisions change.
a lot quieter but a lot more sure within yourself and they're a lot more powerful what you choose to do with your time what you choose to do with your resources it becomes something that's way more personal okay so you will start to look at your ability to make a decision and how you choose things in a through a completely different lens all right So you can prove things to yourself.
It's not about never being able to prove anything to yourself anymore. But make sure that when you prove something to yourself, it is for the right reasons. So for example, you could say, I really wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of finishing something. I was capable of following through. I was capable of...
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Chapter 2: What does it mean to stop proving your worth?
And, you know, you have this daydream about it. Okay. So then. Every action that you take publicly or privately, you kind of have in the back of your mind, okay, wonder what my ex would think if I did this.
And then if there's something that comes across as a bit, quote unquote, lame or cringe or whatever, you probably won't do that thing because you think, no, if my ex comes across my profile or sees me or whatever, I want them to be like, oh my God. So then you start taking action specifically geared to make this person either feel you know, feel jealous or regret leaving you or whatever.
So then your actions are painted with the brush of what you think they would like to see or what you think would impress them or would make them feel, oh my God, she's actually still a catch or he's actually, you know, I should have never let him go, whatever it is, okay?
Versus if you thought I'm going to burn that fucking bridge, give a fuck what they think about me, what's actually going to help me progress forward? What's something that I could do that's going to make me feel good? And then you think, well, there's this hobby that I'd really like to do and my ex used to think that everyone who did that hobby was a loser.
And if you didn't care what your ex thought, you'd think, well, fuck it, I'm still going to do that hobby. I think it's going to make me feel really good. I think maybe this is how I'm going to meet people. And it's going to, you know, make me grow as a person.
If you were thinking about it through the lens of proving yourself, you'd think, oh, cringe, cringe, cringe, I couldn't, my ex, oh my God, no, no, no, no, no, they've got to, you know. So that's the example. You can apply that example through, you know, ex-best friends, with family, with whatever.
If you're always thinking, I want this person to see me under this lens where they think I'm either cool or all these other things, then it's going to kind of guide your behaviors and your actions and you could go down this path for a very long time and then realize, wait a minute, I've been living on the terms of someone else who doesn't even care if I exist anymore instead of living on my terms, okay?
He sucks.
Number three, the need to prove often comes from unresolved self-doubt, if not always comes from unresolved self-doubt. When you don't really trust your value or trust that your value is good enough, then you're going to be outsourcing it to other people. I want to prove to my boss that I'm able to do these things on a daily basis.
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Chapter 3: How does proving differ from choosing in decision-making?
I meant this, I meant... Fine. If after I've tried to explain myself, you still are digging your heels in and don't want to see it the way I've explained it, there's nothing I can do about it. There's really nothing I can do. And it is a manipulation tactic to try and make someone feel like you don't understand them or that you're misinterpreting. repeatedly, repeatedly, repeatedly.
That's a way of making someone doubt themselves and doubt their ability to communicate. So being misunderstood. It's okay to be misunderstood. Choosing also means not being absolutely loved by everyone. We all know that. And it also means that at times you're going to have to walk away without justification, without justifying why you walked away.
Like I said, when possible, obviously explain yourself. If it's a healthy relationship, if X, Y, Z, yes, explain yourself. But there's going to be times in your life where You just need to walk away. And people are going to, you know, and especially in unhealthy relationships are going to be like, wait till I tell other people what you did or wait till other. Cool.
Tell them, tell them, tell them I need to walk away. Okay. So when you are trying to prove yourself, you're avoiding discomfort.
Even though it's causing you so much more discomfort in the long term because you're not living on your terms, you're living on someone else's terms, but in the short term it is avoiding discomfort because you think only if I just do this then they'll like me and then I'll feel validated and then I'm okay, I'll survive. Last one, point number six. So this is this identity shift that happens.
So it's when you say to yourself, I don't need to convince, I decide. So that's kind of like a statement that I want you to say to yourself if you're someone that's like, oh my God, but I'm always, always trying to convince people. I'm always trying to prove myself to people. I'm always stuck in this kind of zone. Say to yourself, I don't need to convince. I need to decide.
I need to make the decisions on my terms, especially if it's something about my own life, especially if it doesn't involve the input of other people to make this decision, okay? The most confident people are not the loudest in the room. Some might be, which is fine, but a lot of the time they're not. So you don't have to...
completely transform who you are you might be you know a reserved introvert you can still be the most confident person in the room being that way you just need you know you can be quiet but really clear and you can be way less reactive okay um and this reset in today's episode isn't about becoming more impressive it's not about having to overhaul your personality it's not about any of that it is just about becoming a
with your choices when you're when you're about to take action on something ask yourself is this motivated by trying to prove myself to my ex or whoever you might be trying to prove yourself to or is this action motivated because it's going to make me feel good within my own skin because it's going to
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