Chapter 1: What birthday gift causes Uncle Si's paranoia?
These are good. What was it? Strawberry? Banana. Banana. Banana cream pies. They're like oatmeal cream pies, but not as good. I don't like oatmeal is the weird part, but oatmeal cream pie sure does hit the ticket. Yeah. Well, this banana cookie ain't bad. Si, what were you eating? A banana cookie? Yeah. That was soft. It ought to be soft as fresh. Fresh from the Little Debbie factory.
Fresh to death. Let's do this. We good? What are we... Whatever.
Chapter 2: What home remedies does John-David suggest?
Why care now? Welcome back to the duck call room, ladies and gentlemen. We started before. Right when he says, why care now? And just go. We don't know what we're going to talk about, Martin, but why care now? I know. We're... Yeah. I don't know. What are you doing down there, man? Trying to think.
I don't know what Cy probably wants to talk about, but I don't know how far down political roads we can go. Uh-oh. See? See, that's what I'm talking about. See, I figured you'd know more about this than I do. I ain't going to watch it or read it. I'm going to one day play the campaign on Call of Duty in like 15 years. Yeah, there you go.
Could you imagine going to bed in your Nike sweatsuit, which, just so we're clear. You got one just like it? I wish I did, because if I ever do get abducted and taken to a different country and they post me all over social media, I want to look that good doing it. That was a cool fit he had going on, as the kids would say. Yeah. I bet they let him get dressed, though.
He probably said, you know what? Give me a second. Let me find out. Don't nobody go to bed in a jumpsuit, do they? In Venezuela? Ain't it hot down there? I mean, when the helicopters are like, that's not like a, would you like to put on your socks? You got to put them on and then run out. There was a lot of fireworks display going on. When Delta Force shows up, there's no like, hey.
You got five minutes. Quick, I got my old dunks on, not my new ones. Let me switch shoes. Well, I would imagine, though, if you're accustomed to that life, you're probably always ready to go. You probably got to go back and pack. Instead of people having stuff packed to go to the hospital to have their kid, probably like, you know what? I'm probably going to end up in jail one day.
Let me know how I want to look in my mug shot, man. Let me check this out. He probably didn't plan on being in jail in the United States of America, but, you know, hey, play dumb games, win dumb prizes, all I got to tell you. That's a tough one. Yeah. Is Venezuela in the World Cup? Not anymore. I bet they are. They're normally decent. I think it got taken from them. No. Huh?
The World Cup, not like the soccer thing. The soccer game, Phillip. Not whatever you think it may be. I'm joking. Let me see.
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Chapter 3: What is Uncle Si's non-negotiable rule in contracts?
Not NATO. Hey, I went to my first Moccasin game. Oh, no, they're not in. They're not in. Venezuela's not in the World Cup. Johnny D, I went to my first Moccasin game. You get any good fights? Yeah, we saw one good fight. Si, you would love it. You need to go to a Moccasins hockey game. Monroe Moccasins. They have rubber snakes they play with there. That's true.
I'm going Saturday with the 4-H club. Me and his watch. Oh, yeah. Martin got a new watch. Ladies and gentlemen, Martin got a new watch for his birthday today. I'm going to have to read the manual because this thing vibrates nonstop. Well, I told you that it's got far too much information on it that you want.
Chapter 4: How does Uncle Si respond to personal problems?
Yeah, I got to figure out. Because I recently switched up my health tracking watch, which makes me look stupid because I can't decide which watch to wear. So for about 11 days now. Your Johnny 2 watches? I'm just going with it and seeing what happens. Johnny 2 watches. Seeing if anybody makes fun of me or if it's like I'm just weird enough to pull it off. Well, one of them's a Rolex.
I can't nobody say a whole lot to me about it. Well, you could. I look ridiculous. But this one counts my steps and my oxygen levels. This thing can track your heartbeat. What's your heart rate right now? Right now? What is your oxygen level? I can tell you. You want to find out yours? Yeah, I've got a thing I put on my fingers. This is one that you do on your wrist.
There's so many buttons on these watches, though. Anyway, Martin called me. He's like, hey, what watch you got? And I said, there's way too much stuff on it for you to like it. But here we are. This is literally scary to me. There's a light. Why am I scary? There's a light going off on Johnny D's watch. It's so complicated. Because there's too much. Way too much. Way too much. Why is it too much?
Way too much. Well, you ought to have 30 cell cameras out there taking pictures of ducks and deer if you want to talk about too much. My wrist has not quit vibrating since I put it on. Here we go. Here we go. Please make sure your wrist is snug and currently on the right wrist.
Chapter 5: What humorous suggestions are made for beard growth?
Sit comfortably. Place your... Oh, wait. No, I'm doing an ECG. Can yours do it? Do what? Mine's got heart rate right now. What's your heart rate? What's yours? Right now, 82. 82. What's it now? What? It was interrupted. 86. Oh, wait. I'm doing it wrong. Oh, no. Look. You can watch my heart rate. Watch it, Si. Look at it. Fascinating. It's going to be like a doctor's office right here on my wrist.
I'm never going to the doctor again. I don't see the little red heart pumping. That's a piece of junk. I messed it up, man. That's a piece of junk. Si, you nailed it. These boys. We got to get Si to arm and watch. Hey, it's got GPS. We can track you. Hey, I've already got that right here. I know, but what if you forget your keys?
Oh, I'm not going to forget my keys because I've got to have it to drive my truck. Look, Si, look. Oh, man, my heart's all over the place. This isn't good. Oh, there we go. Now it's normal. Now you've got some little spikies. Well, yeah, it's called your heartbeat. Yeah. The little spikies are. Yeah, the little spikies going up and down. Martin, how long have you had this watch?
Like an hour or hours. Is that brainwaves? Oh, my goodness. Those are, sure. No wonder. Is that brainwaves? He can't leave it alone. I think this microphone's messing it up. Oh, now it's normal. That's scary for one reason. If I put that on my wrist, it's liable to kill me. Why would it kill you? Because, hey, me and technology does not get along.
Chapter 6: What serious health issue is mentioned in the episode?
Can you imagine Si's watch just dog cussing him in the airport? Y'all was always asking me about my phone. Somebody said, hey, you got your cell phone? I said, that would be a big goose egg. No. Apparently sitting here talking into a can makes your heart rate go up. Oh, yeah, for sure. Anything makes your heart rate go up. So this is technically an RDO? Hey, you know why? There you go.
You're not high enough, Martin. You know why that does that? Why? You're being monitored. Think about that. Uncle Sam is watching, boys. I thought you were a big fan of Uncle Sam. Well, I served him about 24 and a half years. I guess I am a friend of his. There you go. Or maybe he's a friend of mine. We do have an in-studio audience today. Yes, we do. It's one. Yes, we do. That's an audience.
I don't forget your name. Race. Race. Is he a veteran? Like car race? He's an active. No, he's not a veteran because he's still in. Oh, okay. Well, no, he's a veteran and he's serving. He's active. He's serving. He's active duty. He's an active veteran. Active. Yeah. From the Navy. See, I'm a retired veteran. Go Navy, beat Army. In the Navy. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Whoa.
Navy did beat Army. Navy did? Navy been beating everybody. Oh, yeah. They beat whoever else they played. Hey, they got a good team this year. Yep. Maybe it does. They always do. They always got a scary good team. The Army always rolling around there about six years. Well, hey, we jump out of airplanes too much. Yeah. Black Knights jump out of airplanes. It affects their brain. Huh?
Who went to Venezuela? Everybody? Probably a little bit. Well, no. That would be our Delta force. Probably the best of each of them. No, that ain't talking about Delta planes. That was a good Chuck Norris movie. Wasn't he in Delta? Yeah, he was in it. That's one of his better ones. Is that when he was in the little inflatable boat that had the teeth drawn on it? Yeah, that was it.
Or was that Missing in Action? That's the old movie. I can't remember. Oh, yeah, you got that. Johnny D, y'all didn't watch them movies growing up, like Delta Force missing in action? The Delta Force came out three years before I was born. What is that? That's them teeth. Oh. Big teeth. That big guy that was going. Yeah, who all was in Delta Force? Now I need to know. I can't remember.
Chuck Norris. Lee Marvin. Chuck Norris was the main star. Yeah. Was Lee Marvin in it? Lee Marvin was in it. I don't even know who Lee Marvin is. I don't know.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts lift up Gracie in prayer?
Lee Marvin wasn't in Old Delta. I'm literally looking at it right here. The Dirty Dozen. Did it say that? Lee Marvin. Yes. Throw it on the screen. Hold on. There's all sorts of stuff on the screen. I didn't know Lee Marvin was in Delta. I want to see screen grabs from it. Chuck Norris was Scott, and Lee Marvin was Nick. What? There you go. Obviously. I got to go back and watch this.
Well, he's been in all the rest of them, so why not this one? I do like Lee Marvin. Yeah.
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Yeah, and the missing. Once somebody goes brrrr, people are out, man. They don't keep shooting back. They don't shoot like stormtroopers and miss every other time. Them boys are accurate. I was just going to say, this is not make-believe. Not even close. Yeah, stormtroopers can't hit nobody. Really? They're the worst. Either Harrison Ford is the most agile human being on Earth.
Which we all know that can't be the case. I mean, he's really cool, though. Or everybody that's ever shot at Indiana Jones or Han Solo were cross-eyed. That is the only logical explanation as to how Harrison Ford made it out of so many movies. There you go. You think his friends call him Harry? I don't think so. He's scary. Scary Harry. I mean, he's got to have a name.
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Chapter 8: What humorous anecdotes do the hosts share about remedies?
He was a good one. I'm going to say Si is... I'm going with Taft. Grover Cleveland. Nope. Thank a West. Teddy Roosevelt? That's it. Teddy. Got a cool name. Theodore. Had a good mustache. Plus, he was a man that said what he said and meant what he said. Okay, he was one of them. What does that mean? He said what he said, and he meant what he said.
Well, hey, most of them, you know, just blow smoke. Not Ted. No, but Teddy said it. He's coming, buddy. He's like a, what was that, Valdez? Valdez is coming. Yeah, Val, he's like that movie Valdez. You can book it. Valdez is coming. Oh, what's he bringing with him? I'd be on Tombstone. He's bringing hell with him. You tell him I'm coming. And hail's coming with me, baby. There you go.
You got there. No. There you go. Hey, did Teddy have a bunch of good one-liners? Oh, hey. Hey, Teddy went up the San Juan Hill on horses, him and his men. He was the leader of the Rough Riders. Kind of like Mike Tomlin. Yeah. Anything that's got to do with guns and horses. I thought you were going Rough Riders. I thought that was DMX, right? Yeah. I didn't stop.
Now, Mike Tomlin, did you see the— I'll tell you who he was. The Steelers guy? Roosevelt. Hey, Roosevelt is just like Clint Eastwood. Oh, okay. He was the one that Clint Eastwood copied. That's a rough ride. You're still stuck on DMX. Hold on. Did you watch the Steelers and the Ravens the other night? Yeah. Last night. You saw them miss that field goal to lose it?
Did you see what they asked the Steelers coach? What? They said, well, how would you have felt if he would have made that kick? Well, did he answer it? Mm-hmm. What'd he say? He said, how would I have felt if he made that kick? Well, what if my uncle had girl parts? Nah. Nah. He'd be my aunt. Did he really?
No, he said, no, he goes, well, if my aunt had boy parts, then she'd be my uncle, but what ifs ain't really what I'm into. Hey, this ain't what if. Is this a true story? 100%. Yeah. Mike Tomlin gives the greatest. Yeah, we ain't into what if, buddy. It's a lie. And it's at this point Hunter goes to sleep. Yeah, Hunter's long gone. Hunter's over there Googling anime characters.
Hunter's trying to figure out where Stranger Things 5 all went wrong. I'll tell you. Here's the thing about football right now. Go ahead. The talent is so spread out. Good. The talent is so good everywhere. You know, the Bulls have been showing that. The Bulls?
The Bulls are going to the, I'm talking about the last second on the clock, and they were winning when they're down seven points, and they ain't got but five seconds to play. Unpopular opinion? Get rid of bowl games. Get them out of here. Get rid of them. I'm with Martin. Get rid of them. Bowl games are stupid. Oh, I've enjoyed watching them. Take your Pop-Tarts back to the grocery store. Yeah.
Keep your Cheez-Its. I have enjoyed watching them. What, the bowl game? Oh, no. No, they're terrible. Oh, hey. I don't remember who played. See? Well, no, no. They're great, though. Trust me. Hey, but the whole game. Fabulous team. The whole game was score, score, score, score, score, score, score, score, all the way down to the last, like, five seconds.
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