Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Episodes
Self-Esteem and Emotional Sobriety with Roger Andes
07 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Therapist Roger Andes, longtime friend and frequent collaborator on Thom and Allen’s 12-Step workshops, drops in to discuss his latest experiences w...
Recovery's Paradoxes
03 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Living peacefully with the irreconcilable is at the core of what creates change. Thom and Allen alternately draw upon their own journeys towards accep...
Keeping Cool with Carol Carter
17 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
On a weekend of record heatwaves, to escape the crushing anxiety Thom and Patrick invite longtime collaborator Carol Carter on the pod to gauge her em...
Change Calls the Tune We Dance To
09 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
As much as we strive to cultivate our emotional sobriety, learning to lean on self-support rather than environmental support, those expectations and r...
Let Fear Be Your Teacher
26 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Health care and financial insecurity are just a couple of the subjects Thom, Joe, and Patrick touch on as they contemplate how life’s most challengi...
Emotional Sobriety & Self-Respect
12 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
What does it mean to respect ourselves, and how can we put it to work once we’ve attained some physical sobriety and begin to move towards greater e...
Every Life Is Worth a Novel
05 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Allen references Erving Polster’s book while contemplating how the broad span of our lives have a dramatic richness and fullness that can illuminate...
Depression's Long Game
29 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Picking up with Thom Rutledge about his recent struggles with depression, something that’s been with him since his early days of recovery. This form...
Freedom at Cost
21 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The team unpacks their month of hard knocks and give their best shot at illustrating how life's heaviest challenges can deepen our recovery, aid us on...
Shifting to the Best Possible Attitude
01 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Part of our mission statement as we move towards greater emotional freedom is to have the best possible attitude towards life, towards ourselves, and ...
A New Way of Making Amends
23 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Foundational to Emotional Sobriety is the recognition that we aren’t bad people trying to be good people. We’re simply trying to take responsibili...
When the Road Meets the Rubber
15 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Decades after his service in the Vietnam War, Allen realized the extent of his disability and trauma after a chance encounter with a fellow veteran at...
When the Rubber Meets the Road
10 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
With some inspiration from W. Timothy Gallwey’s The Inner Game of Tennis (one of the only self-help books Thom has ever read) and Allen’s metaphor...
True Acceptance
03 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Brian Lutz and Thom Rutledge recently encountered critical challenges in their marriages that tested their capacity for acceptance. Acceptance of thei...
The Decision Maker
27 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Locating our authentic self in the midst of our warring inner committee and standing our ground - not against others but for ourselves - is at the cru...
Emotional Sobriety, Stewardship & Service (Part Two)
20 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
A we engage with the recovery impetus to be of service to others, In addition to the reward there may also an activation of guilt and other issues tie...
Emotional Sobriety, Stewardship & Service (Part One)
13 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Recovery (and Emotional Sobriety) are contagious! Joe Chisholm returns to the pod to chat with Thom and Patrick about the benefits we can reap from lo...
A New Perspective on Failure
06 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
As we become more awakened in emotional sobriety, we begin to challenge all our old ideas. The power struggle of emotional dependency and the temptati...
Authentic Values
27 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How can we learn to live in better alignment with our values? Some of our values are unconscious, and benefit by being brought into the light. We run ...
Ripple Effect
19 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Allen hold down the fort to discuss the role of honesty in therapy. Allen shares the profoundly positive feedback he received from someone wh...
“Maddiction” with Joe C.
13 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It feels good to judge. What does that reveal about ourselves, and how can we work on putting this energy to better use? Exploring how our tendency to...
Radical Honesty
05 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Allen discuss what it means to be "radically honest." Radical honesty begins with self-honesty. We can’t do it with other people if we don’...
Practice Makes Practice
30 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Patrick dig into their rocky pre-recovery days, charting the evolution their consciousnesses have taken. While encountering challenges, keep...
Philosophy over Psychology with Tom Potash
23 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Allen and Thom welcome longtime contributor to the Emotional Sobriety community Tom Potash to talk about his decades-long recovery journey, the lettin...
A Spiritual Path Through Emotional Sobriety
16 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Recovery stalwart Richard Warner had to announce himself as a newcomer after decades in the program, a formative experience that he’s grateful for t...
Living Consciously with Roger Andes
09 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Roger Andes discusses his body-oriented work as a therapist, cultivating connections with others and within himself revolving around the preservation ...
Meditating on the New Year with Herb Kaighan
30 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Longtime collaborator, first-time guest Herb K. joins us to discuss the role of meditation in his daily practice, and how being in alignment with real...
More Will Be Revealed with Joe C.
19 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This week we share our thoughts on receiving & offering guidance to other addicts across a wide span of experience as we navigate the recovery hig...
Higher and Friendly Powers with Dr. Peg O’Connor
12 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Peg joins us to talk about her more secular conception of a Higher Power, informed by her background in philosophy and the life and work of William Ja...
Our Inner Civil War
05 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
If you’re disturbed about something, we encourage investigating what’s beneath that disturbance. This episode we explore the psychological mechani...
The Importance (and Difficulty!) of Our Daily Practice
28 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
With the serenity prayer, we try to figure out the things in our lives that we have the power to change. Here, Thom and Patrick mull the discipline th...
Thanksgiving Survival Guide
23 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In preparation for the forthcoming high calorie sit-downs many of us are having with friends and family this week, Allen and Patrick run down a list o...
The Holidays: Come As You Are
14 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen’s big Italian dinners. Thom getting kicked by a horse. Patrick learning what to do with his hands, now that he’s no longer getting loaded. T...
Between Wisdom & Discipline
06 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
At a certain point (or maybe various points) along the recovery way, we each develop an awareness of what we might call our own inner wisdom, but rath...
Thom & Allen at the ICSAA
30 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen tells us about his formative years enlisting in the marines, Vietnam, alcohol and drugs. Thom of early struggles working as a counselor at an ad...
Making the Most of Fellowship & Support
23 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Let's return to fundamental questions of what Emotional Sobriety is, and why we consider it the “next frontier." How do we build support systems, an...
What Progress Am I Making?
16 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How can we measure our progress (or lack there of) in productive ways? Learning to separate from self-condemnation & create/embrace health self-cr...
Room for All
09 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Let’s exercise more authority and agency over our lives. Moving towards a focus on being rather than having. A bit of Buddhist wisdom: Be careful to...
Living in the Moment
03 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Let’s talk about how essential the practice of living in the moment is to the condition we call emotional sobriety. AND about how radical living in ...
A New Self-Esteem
26 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Defining a self-esteem based on humility and an appropriate estimation of ourselves, our successes and failures. Cultivating this newfound sense of se...
Secular Recovery with Joe C.
19 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Author and podcast host Joe C. of Rebellion Dogs Publishing joins Allen and Thom to discuss a “yes, and” rather than “no, but,” maximally incl...
Managing Anxiety with Gina Ryan
11 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We’re joined this week by Gina Ryan, who in her work with clients and on her weekly podcast imparts some of her vision for how to live with anxiety,...
Emotional Sobriety at Work
03 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In observance of Labor Day, let’s talk about how to keep our emotional center of gravity in an environment that taxes us constantly. Whether it’s ...
What Love Is
28 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen and Thom reunite after some time off for labor and travel. Today we spend some time digging into intimacy and relationships, with a spotlight on...
Neutralizing Fear
14 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
From relapses to climate catastrophes to dropping the ball at work, fears of both the immediate and existential varieties assert themselves in our dai...
Recovery 2.0 with Tommy Rosen
07 Aug 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen's conception of recovery as a consciousness of freedom meets Tommy's holistic recovery approach that doesn’t shy away from the 12 steps. Our g...
Getting Disappointments to Work for Us
31 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The pursuit of greater emotional sobriety can allow us to mobilize our disappointments to take action in our lives, rather than being demoralized and ...
Overcoming Disappointments
23 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How we react to the disappointments we face in our relationships, in ourselves, and our politics is at the heart of emotional sobriety, because of how...
Integrating Role Models
17 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
From parents to found families to George Washington, Thom and Allen delve into lessons learned from various mentors throughout their lives to discuss ...
Nihilism and Perfectionism are "Kissing Cousins"
10 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We cannot deal with the suffocation of our interrelated nihilism and perfectionism without confronting our self-hate. Allen brings in the work of Dr. ...
Defeating Nihilism
04 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
With the savage political climate bearing down on Patrick and the weight of alcoholism and various other -isms contributing to a prevalent pessimistic...
Finding Inner Peace
29 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen, Thom, and Patrick reflect on their first time meeting in person since the show’s inception. Follow us on social media. Twitter: @EmSobriet...
Bonding with Dad
20 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Today we observe the ways we can practice these principles to accept our differences with our parents, find richer connections with them, or deal with...
Adding Self to Intimate Relationships
13 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
How do we handle disruptions in our closest relationships with this new mentality of emotional balance and greater “differentiation?” With Patrick...
Love vs. Dependency
06 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Having recently returned from his brother’s funeral, Thom reflects on the role Emotional Sobriety has played in his personal growth after a 23 year ...
Milestones in Early Recovery
30 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this Memorial Day producer Patrick, coming up on his fourth year of continuous sobriety, chats with Allen about the role his relationships, step wo...
Grief and Flexibility
16 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Following the sudden passing of Thom’s older brother Mike, we discuss the grief and reflection that accompanies tragedy through an emotionally sober...
Mother's Day
08 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This holiday we observe cooperating rather than compromising with our loved ones in gift giving and receiving. For those with good or bad experiences ...
Navigating Marriage (Part One)
02 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
“The truth will set you free, but only if you have the courage to live it.” After a check-in about upcoming workshops and events, Allen digs deep ...
Showing Up for Ourselves
25 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Allen returns along with therapist Brian Lutz to expand on our chat with Thom last week about recovery and Gestalt therapy. To overcome obstacles in o...
Therapeutic Improv with Brian Lutz
17 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Psychotherapist, Brian Lutz, joins Thom and Producer Patrick for a discussion about our INTRApersonal worlds. In discussing the ideas behind Brian's a...
Conflict Resolution: Taking Emotional Sobriety into Traffic
11 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Producer Patrick Newman and Thom Rutledge have a conversation about having conversations --- specifically about having difficult conversations in new ...
Practical Solutions to Challenging Perfectionism
04 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
To try and push back against our self-defeating perfectionist urges, we see that voice as a distinct part of our consciousness, not “the one in char...
Episode Forty-Five: Perfectionism is a Destructive Belief System
28 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
For many of us, defeating our crushing sense of perfectionism is the crux of our struggle towards living a more peaceful, emotionally balanced life. I...
Episode Forty-Four: Emotional Sobriety as Philosophy (Part Two)
20 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Thom shares further thoughts on psychology and philosophy, which Allen relates to existentialism. All have a useful context in our journey towards gre...
Episode Forty-Three: Emotional Sobriety as Philosophy (Part One)
06 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The practice of emotional sobriety ultimately requires that we live in congruence with a personal value system. In order to do that, we must examine o...
Episode Forty-Two: Summarizing “12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety”
01 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
This week Allen rejoins us to do a final wrap-up of his book, revisiting concepts of differentiation and equating emotional sobriety with emotional fr...
Episode Forty-One: Busting Shame with Dr. Shawn Horn
21 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Thom has a wide-ranging discussion this week with shame busting psychologist, author, and TEDx speaker Dr. Shawn Horn. Revisiting the multiplicity of ...
Episode Forty: Paddling Your Own Canoe
14 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Here we begin our discussion of the final chapter in Allen’s book, which uses the metaphor of navigating troubled waters in a canoe to explore the s...
Episode Thirty-Nine: Jefferson Ross and "Southern Currency"
07 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Producer Patrick are joined by Jefferson Ross, artist/singer/songwriter to talk about emotional sobriety. Also includes some stories from the...
Episode Thirty-Eight: Holding Onto Ourselves in Relationships (Part Two)
30 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Continuing discussion of the 14th chapter of Allen’s 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety. This week we explore the roles self-differentiati...
Episode Thirty-Seven: Holding Onto Ourselves in Relationships (Part One)
24 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Saving the toughest insight for last, here we discuss holding onto ourselves in contexts that involve other people and unpredictable circumstances. Em...
Episode Thirty-Six: Allen’s Sponsor (Part Two)
17 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Concluding our in-depth conversation with Tom M., Allen’s sponsor of 50 years. In this episode he tells some spectacular stories about 12-step calls...
Episode Thirty-Five: Allen’s Sponsor (Part One)
10 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The first part of a longer conversation with Tom M., Allen’s sponsor of 50 years. Tom breaks down his journey from addiction towards getting into a ...
Episode Thirty-Four: Living a Purposeful Life (Part Two)
03 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Emotional Sobriety offers us the opportunity to leave the tricks and tools of manipulation behind to make our gifts and talents real in the world thro...
Episode Thirty-Three: Living a Purposeful Life (Part One)
27 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Just in time for the end of the year, we arrive at the closing stretch of Allen’s 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety. Finding our purpose,...
Episode Thirty-Two: Healing Through Forgiveness (Part Two)
20 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How can we release ourselves from our own attachment to our pain? This week we clarify a practical and useful definition for forgiveness, touching on...
Episode Thirty-One: Brian Cuban on Recovery & Self-Hate
14 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Today we welcome returning guest Carol Carter and bestselling author and attorney Brian Cuban to discuss Brian's new book “The Ambulance Chaser.” ...
Episode Thirty: Healing Through Forgiveness (Part One)
06 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Forgiveness improves our well-being in profound ways. Forgiving others and ourselves helps us achieve freedom from emotionally painful experiences. We...
Episode Twenty-Nine: Perfectionism and the Holidays
29 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The holidays place a magnifying glass on our experience: amplifying the good but sometimes also the bad. Here we touch on that, and explore further so...
Episode Twenty-Eight: Breaking the Bonds of Perfectionism
22 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Allen bring their client and personal experiences to bear to unpack how perfectionism oppresses us, and how we might set ourselves free. We'l...
Episode Twenty-Seven: Discovering Novel Solutions
14 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How we cope with the issue we’re struggling with determines if it continues to be a problem or not. This week, Allen and Thom talk about left and ri...
Episode Twenty-Six: Living Life on Life’s Terms (Part Two)
08 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
To live life on life’s terms, we first need to surrender our expectations. This requires a major shift in our consciousness - easier said than done!...
Episode Twenty-Five: Living Life on Life’s Terms (Part One)
01 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In discussing letting go of our expectations - both the obvious and the hidden - we refer to Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning. Dr. Berge...
Episode Twenty-Four: Accepting What Is
25 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Finding acceptance in ourselves and in the world is an inescapable key to any recovery. Part of it can be refusing to be in an adversarial relationshi...
Episode Twenty-Three: Recognizing the Problems in Our Relationships as Opportunities
18 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Allen, Thom & Patrick veer away from discussing Dr. Berger's new book into a conversation about how changing the way we look at ourselves in relat...
Episode Twenty-Two: "Sober Enough" with Joe. C
12 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Allen, Thom and Patrick are joined by fellow podcaster and author Joe C. Everything Joe C. learned about recovery and work came from music. We discuss...
Episode Twenty-One: Realizing That Nobody Is Coming
02 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
More on self support versus environmental support in recovery. How do we hold onto ourselves in relationships? Being present but also independent. All...
Episode Twenty: Knowing It’s Not Personal (Part Three)
26 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Now that we’ve keyed into the ways we can sabotage ourselves by taking things personally, this episode focuses on practical methods (with specific e...
Episode Nineteen: Knowing It’s Not Personal (Part Two)
20 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Allen returns this week to deepen discussion of not taking things personally. Suffering what isn’t, appreciating what is. Listening to the “second...
Episode Eighteen: Remembering and Recovering from 9/11
12 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Thom and Patrick process thoughts and feelings about the 20th Anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, specifically remembering tha...
Episode Seventeen: Knowing It’s Not Personal (Part One)
06 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Beginning discussion of Chapter 6 of Dr. Berger's Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety. Focus is on what it means and how we are impacted when we...
Episode Sixteen: Discerning Our Emotional Dependency (Part Two)
30 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Continuing our exploration of Chapter 5 in Dr. Berger's new book. Today we focus on what it means to have and to maintain an emotional “center of gr...
Episode Fifteen: Discerning Our Emotional Dependency (Part One)
23 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's vital to acknowledge with self-compassion that whatever emotional dependencies we are experiencing, we come by those honestly. When we can become...
Episode Fourteen: Living Life Consciously
15 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Today we move to chapter four of Allen's new book, emphasizing the healing power of awareness and the challenges of becoming aware of new possibilitie...
Episode Thirteen: Waking Up From Our Sleepwalking
09 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This week we dive into the third chapter of Allen’s book, with an emphasis on willingness to move toward discomfort in our journey towards demolishi...
Episode Twelve: Asking for Help, Taking What’s Helpful, Leaving What’s Not.
02 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Quality, long term recovery requires that we build a solid support system, both interpersonally and INTRApersonally (including inner Recovery Voice)....
Episode Eleven: Exploring Emotional Sobriety (Part Three)
26 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Our discussion of Chapter 2 in Allen's book continues, with an emphasis on the importance of practicing self-awareness especially in terms of establis...
Episode Ten: Exploring Emotional Sobriety (Part Two)
19 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In continuing to define emotional sobriety, we delve into what is meant by The False Self and The True Self. Includes an exploration of family-of-orig...
Episode Nine: Exploring Emotional Sobriety (Part One)
12 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Continuing focus on Dr. Berger's new book. In this episode, discussion moves to the second chapter, "Exploring Emotional Sobriety." We invite listener...