Chapter 1: What is the main theme of this episode?
Here we go. It's Friday night. And we're recording to make sure you guys get a good episode.
Well, we do know that Father knows something. And in the next episode, we're going to find out that Justin is very well-known. He knows a lot.
Good job, Justin.
Yeah, we're doing a little switcheroo. We thought that was part one, but this is going to be part one of this theme.
This is part one of this theme. I put this theme together. I've been really, really... Ready and excited to respond to these stories and get them out there and hear what all of the listeners are going to add to the conversation. I think again and again, that is probably my favorite part of this show is how much the community chimes in and adds so much.
Yes. And we know that it, because so we already know the part B, the second episode has a lot of that. So I can't wait to see what we got from, you know, that you're going to bring to the table on this one, because Justin saved these reads for you.
He sure did.
Yeah. There was some moments where we were just like, we don't know. That's why we have you guys. Cause we can learn from you. I mean, that's the other, that's half of the equation here.
So commit for the next two weeks. You got some great episodes.
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Chapter 2: When should you consider walking away from a relationship?
Well, we're going to be going like this a little bit.
We're going to be going like what?
Like this a little bit.
Yeah. Hi, FKS fam. Love you guys and the podcast. I'm in a slight dilemma. My sister and her boyfriend broke up a month ago. He was controlling, and they had serious issues in the relationship, but they still made it work. They follow different religions. His parents weren't okay with the religious differences, so they pressured him to break up, and so he did. I saw her truly break down.
Her self-worth was shattered. We have worked towards bringing her back to her real self. We get a sliver of her old self here and there these days. She had this stuffed animal that she gave him because they've been long distance for the last year. She asked me if I could get it from him. It's been just over a month and she has started to heal and reflect and get better.
I met her ex to get her stuffed animal and he asked if I could talk to him for a few minutes. I agreed and he said he regrets everything. He wants to reach out to her and try to win her back. I told him she has reflected and started to move on and her mental state is pretty bad. She has lost a lot of trust in him and the damage seems irreparable.
I was talking to her today and asked her what she would do if he came back to her and she said she doesn't know. I don't know if I should tell her about the conversation that I had with her ex or leave it. He did say he would like to reach out to her and I told him you do what you feel is right but my two cents is that she wouldn't be interested.
Now that I know her answer isn't a clear no, I don't know what to do. He isn't good for her, but it's not my place to decide. Ideal outcome? Just know what to do. Should I protect my sister and not tell her this? Or should I tell her what he said and possibly ruin her healing process?
Additional info, my sister is 30, her ex is 29, she has issues with him being controlling, he has past traumas about long-distance relationships and being cheated on, which apparently made him this way.
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Chapter 3: How do family dynamics affect relationship decisions?
You said you're going to do what you're going to do. Cool. We don't know the exact words. She could have been like, you know, she's really hurt. I don't know if she'd be interested. And that's true. And I would be you in this situation 100%. I see myself right here. Like if this was my sister or one of my best friends and they didn't want to see their ex and asked me to get a stuffed animal.
And they were like, hey, I'm thinking about trying to get her back. I'd be like, you know, she's really hurt. I don't know if that's a good idea. Like, I don't want to see my loved one get back in a toxic, controlling relationship. I think you did it right. And I wouldn't. I wouldn't say anything.
I know some people out there are going to be like, oh, it's, you know, it's line by omission, though. But at the end of the day, if he wants to reach out, he's going to reach out. And I certainly wouldn't put my foot in it, give her false hope, and then... She reaches out to him because you told her. Like, what if that was his tactic? What if that was his plan?
Like, I'm going to say something to you in hopes you say something to her and then she comes back to me. What if that's one of his games that he's playing? I wouldn't say a thing.
I think the whole thing is kind of sucky because there's no doubt that his parents manipulated this relationship and he didn't stand on his own in the first place.
But he still has his own issues of being very controlling, right?
Well, his parents were controlling.
But he himself is controlling. The religious differences are one thing. And if you're going to let your parents influence who you love, that's really sad. And you don't have boundaries. You're still attached to the umbilical cord. But I think they're two separate issues. And he is also controlling and potentially toxic. And that's not healthy.
That's I agree with you. I really do hope that they figure it out. And that's why we have all these different opinions. And we'll see what really, you know, the track, the tact that it really does take and, you know, the road that goes down.
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Chapter 4: What advice is given for dealing with controlling partners?
Sometimes you get these people that are so controlling that they're, you know, we don't know if the guy is in a family business with his parents and his parents, you know, pulled these purse strings and played these games.
You never know.
And that's unhealthy. she really has to put in place, is this a healthy relationship period on all different levels? And what mix do the parents really play in this thing? Because in some cultures, you get this and it's just bad. I mean, the parents are having the relationship and the son becomes the puppet. Bad. Bad. He's got to be his own man. He's got to stand on his own.
At the age of 29 or 30, absolutely.
It's multidimensional and multigenerational when to walk.
There's a lot of unseen in here that I'm starting to get a kind of a feel of, and it makes my feathers go up and say, uh-oh.
Are your alarm bells ringing now? Well, yeah. Did we dig a little deeper there?
I had that, but I had that from the beginning. But I also knew that I really think that the sister has to make her own choices and decisions of what she's going to do. And she has to have all the facts in order to make decisions.
Let him work for it. He's the one that's so casually threw their love away. If he wants to reach out and he's going to make an effort, let him work for it. But I don't think you need to get involved.
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Chapter 5: How can unresolved past issues impact a current relationship?
I can see why you have a lot of bitterness.
Yeah.
You know, in order to continue to have a relationship and be friends, you've got to have mutual respect. And that's the number one thing is that you guys have to really have respect for one another to be able to pull it off and not trigger each other consistently. And if you're living in this environment where this is consistently getting worse and
And I understand he doesn't have money, but that's not your issue. I mean, if he's not participating and not paying the rent, then he can leave. And if he is doing that and you're not able to do it, then you better have to figure out a way to get out of it. You can't consistently live under the same roof with all this negativity. And that really does qualify it's time to walk.
Yeah, that will eat at you.
So, you know, this one seems to be pretty simple, at least from what I was able to digest within the story. And you will hear in the next week episode how I'm on ADHD medicine that Morgan qualified that I should have been on years ago, but I finally legitimately am on it. So we'll see how my attention span is as we do these episodes. But I definitely believe it's time to walk.
Yeah. And I think with that included, you're making all the right moves to get there. And even with the conversation about custody, it seems like things are moving toward a place where you can achieve your ideal outcome. Because just like we talk about a lot,
For you to be the best version and the best parent, the best version of yourself, the best parent, you've got to look out for yourself and your child, but not just your child. Because if you can't be that version of yourself, then the child will suffer that same thing. So I think you have your head in the right place and you're just putting the pieces together to get there.
Obviously not an ideal situation, but I think you're doing what you can with the cards that you've been dealt.
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Chapter 6: What should you do if your partner is unmotivated?
You can shop the baby event from February 16th to April 17th on the Walmart app online and in store. Thanks Walmart for supporting dad. My husband, 35 male, and I have only been together for two years. Six months into the relationship, we found out that I, 28 female, was pregnant, even though protection was used.
We both knew we wanted to get married pretty soon after getting together, so we decided to get married after finding out I was pregnant. He is Puerto Rican, and his family still lives on the island, so I didn't meet them until we went on our honeymoon. Everyone was so welcoming to me. As my pregnancy went on, we continued our normal life together happily and smoothly.
Then, after I gave birth to my son, things started to change. Suddenly, his family, who didn't involve themselves in our relationship, didn't come to our wedding, didn't keep in contact with me about my pregnancy, decided that now they needed to insert their opinions about how to parent and how I should be a good wife.
My husband decided that it would make the most sense for me to stay at home with our son. He makes more than enough for our family. So since I'm his main caregiver, it feels like they're constantly criticizing me. They don't speak English and I'm still learning Spanish. So they all gossip together in group chats with my husband and request that he tell me their advice.
My own family knows that I have my own way of doing things, and I have a lot of experience with children. I used to care for multiple children with special needs, so my family doesn't even try to give opinions or advice. My husband coming to me with all of their opinions is starting to weigh on our relationship.
I've told him this, but he heavily values his mom's opinions specifically and says I shouldn't take it as a bad thing and I should listen to her. The kind of advice they give is things like saying, at three months old, he is ready for his own room and I shouldn't let him sleep in our room or I shouldn't let him nap in my arms anymore. Saying, I never put enough clothes on him.
We live in a hot climate and my son sweats most of the time. Telling me that I'm too attached to my son and should have less attachments. She says this as she's butting into her 35-year-old son's marriage. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that.
I just wish my husband would trust in my parenting enough to have my back and not talk negatively about me to his family members. Ideal outcome would be for my husband to trust in my parenting and defend me to his family instead of taking their side and telling me to listen to their advice. Additional info,
Every person who criticizes my parenting are women who haven't raised children in over 20 years.
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Chapter 7: How to establish boundaries with in-laws?
Two or three.
I can't even think of two or three. I know. I'm kidding. I mean, there's boundaries. I certainly mind my business when it comes to your relationship. I don't tell you what to do. I don't tell you how to feel. I really stay. I let you guys have your life.
And that's ideal. But what do you do when you don't have that?
You demand it. You demand it.
What were you going to say?
Oh, I was gonna say, and then if we came to you with a question or, hey, we'd really like help with learning how to do this, you'd be there in 10 minutes.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
And that's, speaking from zero experience, that's what's being a true in-law or parent to your child that has a child, or even if they don't have a child.
You solicit the question, I'm going to be happy to give you a thought. Right. And that's, but I am certainly not going to come in here and micromanage your relationship and your children and everything else. I'm glad to be there. I'm glad to show up when you need me. And when you don't, I'm glad not to be around.
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Chapter 8: What steps can be taken to regain a sense of self in a relationship?
Don't tell me I need to listen to your mom's advice.
Be a partner.
Be my partner.
There you go.
Be my partner. Who do you want to be in a partnership with? Me or your mom?
There you go. We got it.
I'm going to take a little chonkle after his ass.
The more that you guys comment and you have other thoughts, we want to see them.
I know there's, again, I feel like all of these stories, there is going to be a lot that rings your bell. Like, please comment. This is one, obviously, Justin and I are not parents yet. You've been out of the game for a while and you didn't really have crazy in-laws to deal with.
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