State of Boring News, Epstein Files & Hotel Laundry Secrets
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What humorous arguments do Dana and David have about each other?
they cut out the part where she goes am i talking to the turtle the consciousness of life and what beauty of love and spank me with a spoon you but anyway consciousness so we just come out as joe dirt and garth and take questions take questions as them Yeah, make the crowd happy. And, of course, my Bohemian Rhapsody. Whoops. Oh, boy.
How did we get to this? Sorry.
Wayne's World. Oh, my God.
How did I forget? Whoops. Sorry. I apologize. Oh, my mommy.
Don't be nervous. We have ads to read, but don't be a motor mouth. We've got ads to read later. You know what, Dane? I was asking some people. I go, if you had one word to describe Dana Carvey, and they were like, motor mouth.
What fitness tips do they share for staying active?
I stole your burn and used it against you. One word to describe me probably is what or why. One word to describe you is confusing. Yeah, one word to describe you is silver entrails by the neck. That's kind of long.
Is that me?
No, that's because the light hits it. Look, I comb my hair, but I pushed it. I love that we talk about hair and everyone just can't stand it, but I can't stand not doing it. Well, we could talk about my abs if they want. I mean, whatever they want. I mean, if we have to talk about, does anyone need some laundry done? Because we'll do them. Hey, I have a tip. I have a fitness tip for everybody. Okay, please. When you go to the gym twice a week and then you just sit around in between, there is something to signaling your muscles. I'm just saying to people, if you can do two pushups every hour, just two. I'm like two total in the week. No, but then you get an hour rest, you do two more. It's a signal to your muscles if you want to go out there.
My muscles are like this. My muscles are jealous of your muscles.
Why can't you be buff like him?
I have no muscles. You know, I look like a bit of a pipsqueak, but I'm more of a fucking puss. How important is that? Just a quick question. Yeah. Because I was in this with someone.
How do Bill Gates and Deepak Chopra respond to the Epstein Files?
How much do women like not like really big muscles on a man? I think Heather's giving a thumbs down. I think what she's going to say, and I'm guessing. is too big of muscles are kind of pointless. And from all the data I've gotten, it's too much time at the gym is too egotistical. Like work on other parts of your life. Don't just be gym rat. There's a word that my wife and I use that we're not fit, but we're fit-ish. No, you're both. I've seen Paul my whole life. She's always in great shape. Whoops. Listen, Paul is gorgeous. People need to know. And she's a sweetheart. You're a sweetheart. I like when people say beauty and the beast. I'm like, you can't say that. Beauty and the Beast. Am I the Beast or the Beauty?
No, you're the Beast, but you're not bad. But when I used to date anyone that was over a three, people would be like, what is it, dude?
How did he land that?
I'm like, I'm fun at parties. I'm fun. There's about a two-hour window at night when I'm fun. Usually at dinner and then fucking... Well, you're like me, which is kind of lucky. Hey, want to have dinner? What time?
What are the latest hot takes on dating strategies?
3.30? Yeah, they serve. You're the only one in the world that beats me to dinner.
I know. I don't get the idea.
If I want to get me a big cheese pizza at 10.05 and get in bed and pull the covers up at 10.22, I don't get it. Come on, count me out. I don't like to go to sleep. That's Miami, they go, we'll go to dinner at like 11, we'll start. I'm like, literally not one person has a job. They're just all doing bumps and taking Instagram pictures. Okay, I got a few hot takes. Getting right to my week. All right, I got a few too, but I want to hear yours first. Mine are more boring, so I got to go first. Yours are usually better. Okay, I will say, because I was on the road, by the time I do this, I'll be going to Casinorama in Toronto and also Oceans.
Is that near Niagara Falls?
Casino-rama, Toronto, Toronto's worked on three movies, and Toronto's the most requested city, but the Canada tax thing, it does nothing to do with the people, Canada's great audience. Nothing to do with the people, just the government, the government. They really put that, it's like the reason why we don't shoot movies in America, they always go, it's tax here, if we go there, different, when you do stand-up, it's tax.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What humorous arguments do Dana and David have about each other?
0:00–0:59
2
What fitness tips do they share for staying active?
0:59–2:31
3
How do Bill Gates and Deepak Chopra respond to the Epstein Files?
2:31–3:53
4
What are the latest hot takes on dating strategies?
3:53–6:11
5
How can you wash your underwear using a hotel coffee maker?
6:11–7:44
6
What is the controversy surrounding the hotel laundry advice?
7:44–9:47
7
How do societal views on body image come into play in dating?
9:47–11:30
8
What are the implications of the recent State of the Union address?
11:30–55:39