TPP 006: Asher Talks About Ways to Handle Being an Easily Frustrated Child

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What is frustration and why does it affect differently‑wired kids so often?

Debbie Reber 0:00
So I'm just curious what has changed for you or what feels different for you that's preventing you from having that big explosion of frustration?
Asher 0:09
I'm not exactly sure. Part of it is that I'd rather not destroy my own work.
Debbie Reber 0:16
Does it feel different for you? Yeah, it feels better. Can you describe kind of what's going on in your mind that's I'm like, ugh I made
Asher 0:26
a mistake. Well, that's what erases are for. Erase, erase, erase.
Debbie Reber 0:33
Welcome to the Tilt Parenting Podcast, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Reber. Today's episode features another short conversation with my 11-year-old son Asher. Today we're talking about frustration. Specifically, the kind of frustration that many differently wired kids experience when something they're working on doesn't turn out the way they expected. To learn more about this podcast and Tilt, the revolution for parents raising atypical kids, visit tiltparenting dot com. Frustration used to be one of my son Asher's primary emotions, which isn't actually unusual or surprising, especially because of his having classic asynchronous development issues stemming from the contrast between his high IQ and his emotional development.
Debbie Reber 1:26
I also know that having a low tolerance for frustration is a big part of many differently wired kids' lives. Frustration can come out in so many different circumstances, but one situation that seems to frequently elicit it is when kids are working on creative and school projects and they have this picture in their head of what they want to do or create, but what they come up with falls short of their expectations. Also, just to be clear, I realize this kind of situation can be extremely frustrating for neurologically typical kids too, especially those with perfectionistic tendencies. But because with differently wired kids there can be a pretty huge disconnect between their vision and the final product.
Debbie Reber 2:09
Kids who struggle when things don't go the way they expect can be especially triggered. On top of that, the way they express that frustration is very often bigger than their peers. Like much bigger. I wanted to ask Asher about frustration because lately I've been noticing in him a fledgling ability to kind of roll with the punches. This is very new and it's very exciting. During a homeschool project we've been working on, I realized just how far he's come. Today you were working on An architecture art project? Why yes I was. And I noticed that you made some mistakes as you were working on it. And I made a comment like, Oh, I didn't realize you made a mistake 'cause I didn't hear a big explosion. And I was
Asher 2:59
like,
Debbie Reber 3:00
but I told you that I made
Asher 3:02
a mistake.
Debbie Reber 3:04
I know, it made me kind of notice that This is kind of new. Like There was a time when if you were doing something And he made a mistake. It didn't go the way you wanted. You drew a line incorrectly. Something happened. So the vision of what you were trying to create. Suddenly Wasn't turning out. The way you hoped? It didn't go well. Do you remember what that used to be like? Can you describe to me what it used to be like when Uh it used to be like ah I made a mistake ah screw the whole thing mistake? Asher's description here is a little understated. The reality is that making a mistake on pretty much anything a drawing, homeworksheet, a maze really anything, was the catalyst for a huge explosion, shouting, shredding, storming, and slamming the whole nine yards.
Debbie Reber 4:01
But on this day something very different happened. And just so people know, you were we were doing an art project that was. An architecture project where you were designing a home and you chose an architectural
Asher 4:17
Well I didn't know it was supposed to be a home. I thought it was just a building.
Debbie Reber 4:19
A building, yeah, sorry. A building. You were designing a building. You chose the architectural style of modernism. Modernism. And you were using a ruler and pencil and paper. And I
Asher 4:30
drew this hu this huge, um, sort of crystalline obelisk. That was held off the ground by a bunch of

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