TPP 140: AuthorJulie Lythcott-Haims on How Parents Can Help Their Kids Successfully Launch

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What is over‑parenting and why does it harm children’s agency?

Julie Lythcott-Haims 0:00
I see kids who are just they're just handled and managed and all they have to do is sit there and be driven from place to place. And we do have high expectations. They have to work hard, you know, to get the right grades that we want them to have and they have to be on that team that we want them to be on so they get into the right college or whatever. I mean they it's not like they're lazy. But there is so much of their lives that is managed, planned, constructed, perfected, fixed, handled for them. And that deprives them of feeling the basic agency humans need to have in order to be healthy and whole humans.
Debbie Reber 0:39
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm Debbie Rieber, your host, and my guest today is the brilliant Julie Lithcott Haymes. Julie is one of those guests I've been wanting to bring on the show pretty much since I first launched this podcast, so I am thrilled to finally be bringing this interview to you. And if Julie's name's familiar, it may be because she's the author of the New York Times best-selling and in my opinion majorly game-changing in the parenting space book, How to Raise an Adult. She wrote it after noticing that prospective college students of Stanford, where she was the Dean of Admissions, were being overparented and were lacking the resources to develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and the inner determination necessary for success.
Debbie Reber 1:35
Today, Julie and I are gonna talk about what it takes for a child to be successful, looking at how we define success itself along the way, and what we as parents can do to help our child develop the agency they need to become self-actualized adults. And a few things from Julie's bio. Julie's book How to Raise an Adult has been published in over two dozen countries and gave rise to a TED Talk that became one of the top TED Talks of 2016 with over three and a half million views. Most recently, she authored the book Real American, a memoir examining racism through Julie's experience as a black and biracial person. Her work has appeared in many media outlets, including The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, The Atlantic, Parents, PBS News Hour, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, on and on.
Debbie Reber 2:30
So I loved having this conversation with Julie. I am still noodling on the many takeaways and aha moments I experienced. I hope you get a lot out of it. And before I get to my conversation with Julie, a quick reminder that my book Differently Wired is newly available as an audiobook, narrated by yours truly. Yes, it's true I had to audition to get the job, but I was able to read the book and it was a lot of fun and also a lot of work, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. So to listen to Differently Wired, visit Amazon.com. You can download it using Audible. You can also Also listen to a sample if you want to see what it sounds like. And if you'd like to watch the TED X talk I gave in Amsterdam at the end of 2018 called Why the Future Will Be Differently Wired, you can find it on the homepage of Tilt Parenting at tiltparenting.com.
Debbie Reber 3:22
I wrote the speech with a broader audience in mind as I really wanted to challenge employers and colleagues and community members and other people in our lives who might not be raising differently wired kids to consider the importance of neurodivergence and to consider the importance of our kids in our society. So I would love your help spreading the word to these audiences. So please check it out. share it on your social media, your blogs, however we can get the word out there. So thank you so much for considering that. And one last quick announcement. I wanted to let you know that tilt parenting is now available on Spotify. So if you are someone who, like me, likes to put on playlists on Spotify. Right now I'm listening to coffee shop music.
Debbie Reber 4:08
Sometimes I listen to Broadway soundtrack. Sometimes I listen to music from the show Glee, whatever I'm in the mood for. But you can also now find podcasts there.

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